I have a problem. I suppose the hardest thing about the whole eating disorder world or any kind of addiction based world is admitting you have a problem. I drank yesterday (vodka) and I havent drank hard liquor since I have started restricting hardcore. Well today I have been feeling like shit. I know my body wants food something besides water and coffee. It needs to absorb the alcohol. Yes, I understand this. So this morning I had 1.5 pieces of toast (a little under 200cals) anywho i got rid of that. Then I was laying my daughter down for a nap and I was like I have to eat something...I was getting dizzy and I had a headache so I took 2 asprin...yup made me throw up because nothing was in my stomach. So then i decided to have a salad... About 150cals..little over estimating but better over than under...well of course I got rid of it.  FUCKKK!! I need to ... I dont know.
No I KNOW! I NEED TO BE THIN AT ALL COSTS... how sad

135!
SkInNNNnY BiTCHeS I have a question. So, which weight is the most accurate.. the one right in the morning after you use the bathroom before anything is in your tummy...or last thing you do at night..? Or sometime during the day. I always thought it was right in the morning cause it is always the first thing i do in the morning!  **Just a little curiosity**
The reason for the quetion is...I always jump up a pound to a pound in the half during the day after the morning weigh in...since i weigh in like 490289 time a day...welll i just dont know ... confused a bit.
Can you believe that. I am super shocked that I went down a lb from yesterday. I did pretty bad yesterday. We went to go see the hubbies family that are in town. Of course as soon as we got there the pizza was there. Luckily baby cupcake needed so many things so i didnt have any pizza until later on in the night when I had a corner piece. (im sure everyone knows how small the little triangle corner are) anyways... then when we left at 10:30ish I was so hungry. I drank vodka yesterday not much like two drinks...(no diet coke, only regular) So, I was pretty tipsy ... and a little green'd up. Long story short we went to white castle. I had 6 chicken rings, half a sack of fries, and a small onion ring..then I had a peanut butter cup desert thing at home.
300 - fries
230 onion rings
340 chicken ring
300 peanut butter cup
1170....
Fuck i am so tired!! I hate to take the hubby to work today so i got up at 5 this morning HOLY SHIT! I have been getting up way to early lately. 6 yesterday and the day before and now 5 this morning. Gosh i am sure waking up this early has something to do with the fact that I have been losing weight, cause the earlier you are up the more you are moving around.
Gr I have such a fucking stomach ache today. I bet it is from drinking last night and eating fucking white castles (barf!!!) I normally hate white castle. Anyways i am going to lay down i am so tired I cant even see straight. Thank you to everyone that left me meaningful comments I will most def. return them asap!!
Love and Luck Skinny Bitches

This body shape is exactly like mine, except I am fat and she is not..so this is what I am working for.. Oh how it will be done!

136!

The fucking goal I needed to reach by the time the hubbies brother and his famo came I REACHED. I swear I almost fell off the scale when I read that. And the thing is...I didnt even work out yesterday. I was giving my abs a little break seeing as I have been working them out a hell of a lot lately and all the work out sites and mags I read says dont do abs everyday, because they need time to heal...so its better to do them everyother day. I was doing them everyday for a while, which I will continue doing and only every once in a while will I give them a break. I didnt snack after dinner either. granted I did eat dinner at almost 9 o'clock so i am sure that helped with my late night binges.
I dont know what to do. Like everyone says oh i am not eating after 7 or 8 or 6 or whatever it is. But I have noticed if I eat dinner by 8 I will be good, but any earlier like at 7 I will binge later in the night. So, I think 7:30-7:45 we will have dinner. MmmMm that will be lovely.
i am going to fast today!
I think that will be the best choice for today. Hmmm if the hubby wants to see his family ... then we can completely avoid having "family dinner" FuCkInG SwEeT!
Anywho...today is a busssssyyyy day. I was suppose to take the hubby to work today, but he woke up late! Damn IT!
OH I FORGOT!!!
So, I was looking online at random shit and I found my fiance's brothers myspace. From his myspace I found his wifes myspace and on his wifes mypace was my fiance's ex girlfriend. So my hubbys sister in law is like good friends STILL with my hubbies ex. WTF?! Good thing the ex is fat and ugly and has a fugly kid so whatever. I was pissed at first becaue the sister in law said they dont even talk anymore, but she is a fat cunt of a liar. And she is for sure a fatty like upper 200lbs what a huge heffer.
I was furious at first, but there is really nothing I can do. Unless the fiances brother divores his wife she will alway be in our life so I just have to deal with it. Luckily I am not a moooo cow like her. And she had that gastric bypass surgery. My fiances ex i god awful ugly..saggy tits, bushy eye brows, pasty skin, fat & flabby...

If anything... seeing her only makes me want to better myself! =]
xx Skinny Bitches xx

"The cave you fear to enter, holds the treasure your dieing to find"

EDITTTINGGGGG
13 hours into my fast and going stttrrrrrooonnnggg woopa!
P.S. I have decided pretty soon I am gonna go private, because I take the time to comment people with real comments and actually put thought into what I say instead of something like "good thinspo" or stay strong and thats all they leave. So, I am only gonna put people on my list that actually comment and have something intelligent to say! Thanks&Love Skinny Bitches!

Edit...Still fat...Still grumpy! Gosh I dont know what my daughters problem is today, but she is being so fussy i cant get anything done. My coffee just is not waking me up today. Then the hubby calls me and is like oh my brother was talking about going and seeing the new batman movie...and we just talked yesterday that due to finical constraints I wont go with them...but fuck I did not think they were gonna go see the movie I wanted to see. Fuck it...fuck everything. Yesterday I tried with all my might not to be a bitch and I wasnt I did not bitch about one fucking thing and what does he do...ha listen to this shit. my daughter goes to bed at 8:30 and then the rest of the evening is for us, well he spent the entire time she was in bed so from 8-9:50 he was on the phone with his brother WHO WILL BE HERE TOMMORROW! ok there goes our time together. Just fuck him, fuck today, fuck it all. Im fat.... everything fucking sucks. I am in such a terrible fucking mood it is seriously ridiculous. I dont feel like doing shit. I just want to fucking drink, but ha cant fucking do that. How sad is it that I want a drink at fucking noon. Shit I fucking wanted to drink since like 8 this morning!!! AHHH!! Fuck everything I am done for today. My mood is fucked ever since my fat fat fat fat ass got on the scale and I gained. FUCK!!

139....I
Gosh, I am fucking pissed about that. I thought I did so well yesterday eating wise and exercising, but nope not enough. I am never going to get thin! Sometimes I feel like why in the fuck do I even try. I just went to fill up my coffee and I grabbed my hub's left over sandwhich and the miracle whip and right before I was about to start dunking the sandwhich like a french fry and ketchup I stopped myself and said I CANT GIVE UP. I want to gosh do I want to. I just want to eat myself into a fat fat fat slump. I need to knock it off, why in the fuck would I want to be fat. I know I did not lose yesterday and I know that this morning I gained .5lb but I cant give up. I am not going to just go and fuck the whole day up already. It is only 8 in the morning....so fuck this stupid shit.
On another note... I am making goals!
GW 1: 136
GW 2: 130
GW 3: 127
GW 4: 121
GW 5: 116
GW 6: 110
GW 7: 104
UGW: 99

Alright so I have to actually start reaching these goals. If I do not start reaching them than it is pointless to have them. Get it together .... AHHHHH the insides of me are screaming. I still cant believe I did not lose anything yesterday. Whatever I cant dwell on it no matter how disappointed I am.
Time to start all over again today...this willl never end.

I use to be so strong and determined. I looked at my old xanga and the very first time I posted on there I got 104 comments...wow. I must have spent a ton of time commenting people back and being completly devoted to perfection. Now who am I? Someone that had a baby whos devotion lyes elsewhere. I need to figure out who the hell I am and what the hell I need to do. Fuck, I know what I need to do I just need to get it done.
2am fast starts

MAN! Could I have anymore of a fucking problem with food and night time. So instead of being a normal person that cant sleep at night and just sit in bed and watch tv or a movie I kept getting up and eating. Why is it that all day I can do so perfectly well, but then come the night and I am like a fucking volture. Yes, its official and I can admit it I have problems! Today I just have to seriously work out extra hard. I can tell a difference in my upper abs, I just need to slim down the thighs, the lower belly, and my "teacher arms"!!
I use to alway want to look sick, but now I just want to look thin and fit and dare if i ay it ...healthy. When I wa thinner before the baby (not like 90lbs or anything like that) I looked sick. aka sunken eyes, gaunt face, somewhat lifeless...soul-less even. Now I cant be like that... I dont want to be so thin that someone looks at me and thinks I maybe dieing...and hell I dont want to die.
I am not trying to be healthy by any means, because I know I have far to many fucked up eating habits to be normal.
Im up half a pound today because I am a fat ass failure. Whenever I gain its like I know i am going to because I fucked up I was stupid. I am not going to even discuss what I ate because it is a sad sorry shame.
Today is a new day and FOR FUCKS SAKE IT WILL GO WELL!! DINNER ONLY!! I need to like get a rubber band to start snapping my wrist. But I have a ton of activites to do today so they will keep my busy.

TO DO LIST!
250 ab balls
100 arms
25 leg lifts
250 jj's

1. Straighten up baby cupcakes room
2. vaccum whole house upstairs and downstairs
3. clean windows on front porch
4. shower
5. add to her evening poems/stories collage
6. Put her puzzle on the wall
7. dishes
8. Laundry
9. My thinspo book
10. Sweep and mop the floor
11. Comment

Love & Luck on your journey to becoming SkiNNy BiTCheS!

I thought the computer was broke when in all actuality it jut wasnt plugged in haha wow. So, today is going quite well. Considering last night I ate ALOT of pizza. Omg it as so fucking good I dont know if I was just tarving or just being a fatty but I ate so much pizza. Thankfully i maintained the 138.5 so thats a plus. I need to do some work out today before the hubby gets home. I think i am going to make a chicken salad today and just be done with the food. The pizza in the fridge is like COME EAT MEEEEE!! Well the hubbys brother is coming in on wed with his wife and kids. DAMN! So there is no way I can loe 8lbs in like less than 3 days *hmm not possible, but maybe 3-5?!* Im hoping so.
Nothing to interesting to say except that my S key is being retarted.

XoXoXooo