One thing I've come to realize is that there isn't really anyone out there right now who I have any real feelings for. Which is a foreign feeling for me, since I have seemed to have at least had a crush ever since... 6th grade? I think it is part of the reason why I feel like something is missing. A relationship/ a romantic interest is something I've always dearly wanted, more so probably than the stereotypical man figure that most of my male peers seem to display. And I think in some convoluted way that having a crush of some sort in turn gives me hope. It gives me something to look forward to and to work at. Granted, I've never been in a relationship and most of my advances have always fallen under the creepy/awkward category, so maybe all the hope was nothing but false hope. But it was still something. Pursuing a degree hasn't exactly become a great passion of mine, and I rarely have time for any other interests besides being a sophomore advisor and volunteer work. At least those two passions are alive and kickin'.
So I guess what I'm trying to get at is I wish I had another crush like the ones of teenagedom. Though they may have been misguided and doomed to fail, they helped me to feel alive, and at the heart of the matter, I think that's what I've been lacking the most.
In other news... it's 6:13 am in the morning. I've got class at 8:05. This insomnia lifestyle has been going on for about a week now. Am I becoming a insomniac? Is there something I can do to not go to bed 2 hours before class starts? I am asking you, the very few who read my Xanga anymore, for help. Or for sleeping drugs.
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