Well its Thursday which mean I only have to survive one more class before I get a few days off. I wish I could say I was bored, but I can't. My mind has been a jumble all morning. Worse thing is it is my own fault. I don't know about others, but for me the hardest person to fight is myself. My kneejerk reactions. That 15 minutes of a day that invalidate what good you did the other 11 hrs and 45 minutes. I have to wonder who really is me. Am I the 15 minutes? Or what? People always want to blame all their bad action on an outside source. Still others want to blame their bad actions on satan. But are we really that blow up? is that really us? The guy who loses the fight with sin? The guy who writes out of anger and not care? Are we what we are at our worse moments? Am I?

I pray for a brother, for his spiritual state, for his well being. Then I get mad at him and tell him off? Which is me? Does anybody else even go through this? Sure they must. How do they coup with it? Hide their faults? Deny their faults? Justify their faults? Thrive on their faults? I don't know the answer to who we really are, but I know giving up doesn't help. So I try to do better. Then what happens? Sooner or later you find yourself praying for forgiveness for something else. Yesterday is was anger at a sibling, today it was lust. Are we really improving? All I can say is it is something of a reconciliation between these two verses:

John 14:15 "If you love Me, you will keep My commandments

and

For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.

and also it is something I do not, but wish I did understand.