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| i started this for you.
and i'm ending it for the same reason...
new xanga: www.xanga.com/omgitsalley
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| this summer is presenting a lot of changes...
looking back ;;
i really hate the person...
- i was when we moved here
-i was when i started school here
anyway.
PLANS FOR THIS EVENING:: i don't know. i am confused.
options. options.
i want to go out with everyone and just hang out.
i want to go to the show at headway skatepark
i want to go downtown.
XANGA: I HAVE A MISSION!
find JORDANA ABRENICA for me.
i love and miss her very very much.
i have important matters to discuss with her.
she used to have a xanga. www.xanga.com/is_he_breathing
i think she still writes. people tell me otherwise
i talked to allan naguib yesterday.
for the first time since last summer.
i really miss him, also. but he's happy.
india is gone for good.
i probably won't ever see her.
or talk to her. ever again.
that's probably the hardest part.
she was more of a family than i ever had.
carson is leaving, too.
carson, carson, carson.
he's the worst of all.
it's going to be hardest to leave him,
except i won't be. he's leaving me.
all for the better, however. and i am happy for him
as hard as it has been to watch these
people go, i am happy for them...
whew! we are getting personal.
i'm in a weird mood today.
and i don't like it
kebek elektrikk: you're falling in love with her, bit by bit
lowrida6906: you're confident
lowrida6906: i like that
kebek elektrikk: you're not denying it
kebek elektrikk: are you?
lowrida6906: if i did, i'd be lying
way to embarass nick templin.
...10 points.
BABY.
the blood has already been spilled.
and no amount of cry could wash away the red
from your guilty hands...
SPEAKING OF GUILTY HANDS!
btk confessed to everything this morning.
that is awfully amazing.
the story ends.
without you.
| | |
| ...all the hospital visits have really made me think,
being on bed rest for twenty four hours will do that, too...
 
...i had about eleven of those hooked up to me
i should be so much more grateful for all the things that come my way, and the fact that i haven't seen all the wonderful things in my life until now makes me absolutely sick.
i care so much less lately. i care less about the way i look, the way i act, the way i dress, etc.--and it seems for so long these things were so paramount to me, which is completely bizarre. In the midst of all this carelessness, i somehow care more about myself. i care enough about myself to know that i have to accept the person i am before i expect anybody else to...
example 1: real beauty doesn't consist of any of these products...
 
...for the first time in my life--i could care less about having a boyfriend. for so long, i felt like i wasn't complete or whole without one. Now that I don't have one, it has given me a chance to see the wonderful family of friends that I am surrounded with each and every day...
 
 
and with a constant support system that is there 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and with people like that in my life, does a boyfriend really matter, or even compare...?
 
...perhaps, but for the time being, i am hardly worried. After all this time, I finally see what a real relationship is, and i can't find anyone who gives a better description than El Kay and MsMs...
...i refuse to settle for anything less than their relationship. the next boyfriend-judging process will be rigorous. beware.
i've also come to the conclusion that i am probably about the weirdest person anyone has ever encountered...
example 2: I WILL NOT TELL YOU, REBECCA.
after all, i am a crack fiend...
example 3: i think my weirdness even further surpasses this...
 
i'm rambling on and on...
but i've finally figured out who i am...
...and i have these people to thank
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| &thisishowwedo; hanging out with the crew
&thisishowwedo; at templin hill ♥♥
(i have never seen a more beautiful sunset than last night)
&thisishowwedo; driving in nick's car
&thisishowido; because i have three boyfriends in allen, texas
Lil Wall 04: why did you move?
Lil Wall 04: your beautiful
Lil Wall 04: Well in your pictures, you look attractive and your personality makes you even more attractive...
Sparky Abc 123: i love you, baby
ahem. best boyfriends, ever.
&thisishowido; because i'm awesome
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|
dear carson
i don't know how many times i've told you, but it could never seem like enough--you are my everything. this move is proving more difficult than we both anticipated and i am sorry. i went through all of the things you are going through now, and i know what it's like. a whole part of you just wants to get out as quickly as possible, but theres another part thats scared...scared that you might be too excited to leave, and theres a small part of you that's unsure about what you're leaving. part of me wants to tell you all the things i wish i knew before leaving, but i think that i should leave that to you--its your life and your lessons to learn. i couldn't be more ecstatic that you are excited about leaving--this is such an amazing oppurtunity. it hurts to see you go, but that's what love is--wanting someone to be happy, even if it's at your own expense. my trip to texas taught me a lot. it gave me closure. it showed me how much everything has changed. it made me lose some of my best friends, and it helped me realize that i had some of the best family in the entire world. i have someone who will be there through thick and thin--i will always have you. looking back on how much we have both grown as individuals, i realize that i wouldn't be the person i am today without you, and that the person you are makes me prouder than anything in the world--there has never been a doubt in my mind that you will go far. our time together and time apart [when i was both in the state and 352 miles away] has taught me something. it has taught me that no matter what, we will always pull through. this is the most real and intense friendship i have ever had, and i will never, ever let this go. looking back on the person i was three years ago when we first met, i was an individual who hardly knew who she was, but thought she had it all figured out. i think we both did. i think we both got ahead of ourselves and thought we knew more than we actually did...growing up teaches you those things--these three years have taught me a lot, but you have accepted me through all my phases, and still loved me unconditionally, and now that i know who i am--i'm happy that you are still right here beside me in spirit, and always will be, whether your across the oklahoma border or the atlantic ocean...carson, i think we both know this friendship is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. here's to knowing who we are now-here's to realizing who we weren't back then...i love you with all of my heart. for the past. for the present. for the future. always.
they say:: 'hey carl! i think i found em'
i say:: 'i think i've found the best thing that's ever happened to me...
the way we were
the way we are
i will always love you... | | |
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