Friday Night Fight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Week 14
Double Whammy!

After taking a break last week for travel purposes, fight officials have declared that this week will be the fights to remember as Friday Night Fight puts on a daring Double Feature Fight.  Get more bang for your buck this Friday night as we have the Quarter Final showdown with tensions in the Music department at a boiling point as Dr. Webster promises to bring Sulton to task.  Matched with the brutal brawl that will be Pepiton vs. Summers, Friday night promises to be an explosive event!  Don't forget to tune in to see how it all went down.

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Friday Night Fight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Week 13
Summers vs. Hopkins

No one dared cheer.  This week's fight was one that weighed heavy on the hearts of those watching.  No matter who won this fight, the History Department would forever be divided.  Though Nandamudi was now out of the picture, thanks to Pepiton's excellent culinary combat skills, the specter of Summers vs. Hopkins had been haunting the minds of those aware of the gravity of the matter.  It seemed to hardly phase Hopkins, however, for as he entered the ring everyone could see the same confident grin he possesses glowing from beneath his wide-brimmed hat.  Summers may have once been Department Chair, but that was a title he now proudly bore and wasn't about to let Summers wrest it from him.  When Summers did finally enter, the crowds were once again silent, partially in awe, partially out of fear of immediate destruction by one of his calm, piercing stares.  Though the fight had been originally scheduled to take place by the Light on the Hill, it seemed that the proper maintenance request forms had never been filled out by Riley to have it fixed, so fight officials moved the site to Edwards because, hey, there's always Edwards.

After Summers bowed low to his opponent, which was returned only by half-amused stares from Hopkins, the bell rang and the fight began with a bang!!!  As soon as the bill had stopped ringing, Hopkins had closed the gap between the fighters, seeming to fly across the room with unexpected nimbleness, some witnesses reported.  Diving headlong into the fray, Hopkins seemed to catch Summers off guard and landed a quick 1-2 combo followed by a series of hard right hooks.  Though strong enough to drop an average man to his knees, Summers withstood the barrage and began a counteroffensive of his own, throwing left and right hooks into whatever gaps Hopkins made in his swinging.  And so the slugfest began.

Hopkins and Summers stood their ground and traded blow for blow, neither one stopping his merciless pummeling of the other.  The crowd erupted to their feet and cheered and watched in horrific joy as these two fighters beat each other senseless  It was as if any walls of restraint had been torn down.  There was no strategy here, no gameplan, just pure aggression unleashed by these two brawlers.  Both faces became bloody messes and it seemed that they would both collapse at any moment when Summers threw in a sudden kick to Hopkins' shin, throwing Hopkins off of balance for the brefest of seconds, but that one second was all  Summers needed.  For as Hopkins was falling, Summers met him halfway.....with his fist.  Summers' hand crashed into the side of Hopkins' face one final time and sent Hopkins crumpling to the floor, he was out like a light.  The brutal battle had lasted for less than thirty seconds, but the crowd was delirious with excitement and began chanting "Summers, Summers!"  Summers stood victorious over Hopkins now-unconscious form, panting heavily, the blood flowing freely, knowing that he was one step closer to being the ETBU Friday Night Fight Champion.

Week 12

After last week's food-fun-frenzy in the cafeteria, prepare to be awestruck as Dr. Summers and Dr. Hopkins face off in the epic inter-departmental battle.  Who will prevail to continue on to the next round, and one step closer to the coveted championship belt?  Tune in next Friday night to find out!

Sulton

   vs.            ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­       Sulton

Jenkins

                                                       _______________

Webster

      vs.               Webster

Johnson

                          _____________________

Pepiton

    vs.                Pepiton

Nandamudi

                                           ________________

Summers

    vs.                ______________

Hopkins

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Friday Night Fight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Week 11
Nandamudi vs. Pepiton

With a mass exodus of students to the Lake of the Pines for camping endeavours, the campus was a quiet place, a peaceful haven just waiting to be disturbed.  And disturbed it was.  This week's fight was held in the Cafeteria as school officials desperately hoped it would revitalize the interest of the student body in what Riley deemed, "Somewhat above average processed food."  Students gathered outside the windows lining the caf., eager to see every move of the fight.  Few were putting their money on Pepiton, finding it difficult to believe that he could even have a chance of survival against the mysterious Nandamudi, but they wanted to watch nonetheless.  Nothing stirred in the cafeteria as Pepiton and Nandamudi entered the arena.  As the two warriors prepared to do battle, suddenly the silence was interrupted when, from the sidelines, the voice of Mike Jones rang out.  "You guys want an omelette?"  "Sure, why not?" they both responded, and then the fight was on!

Pepiton immediately leapt up onto a table, hoping to use the height advantage for a devastating elbow drop similar to the one that incapacitated Paul Tapp, but Nandamudi was too quick for him.  As Pepiton brought down his elbow, Nandamudi completely redirected Pepiton's momentum and sent him flying into the salad bar, scattering glass and carrots every where.  Dripping with Ranch dressing, Pepiton laughed and launched himself at Nandamudi once more, this time connecting with a series of high punches.  After the last punch, Pepiton quickly wrapped his arms around Nandamudi, lifted him high, and then all-out body slammed him down onto one of the tables, completely demolishing it.  As Pepiton came near to attempt to finish Nandamudioff, Israel swept his legs out from under him, sending Pepiton crashing to the floor.  Instead of pouncing, however, Nandamudi leapt back to the wall and grabbed one of the artificial ficus trees in the corner, attempting to wield it as a weapon. 

Pepiton was aware of Israel's skill as a Cheibi Gad-Ga warrior and the effect that it had against his last opponent, the unfortunate Dr. Holloway, so he kept his distance this time, knowing that one skilled swing of that deadly ficus could mean lights out for him and his fighting career.  Suddenly a voice called out, "omelette's done."  "Hey, what do you think you're doing?" call out Mike, noting for the first time the unfairness of the situation.  "Here, Charlie, try this," he exclaimed as he tossed the still-warm wok, which still smelled of eggs, to Pepiton.  With a newfound zeal, Pepiton pressed his attack, swinging with what many called "utter and complete abandon."  Though he blocked the first few blows, Nandamudi's ability to manipulate an entire tree was not enough to repel Pepiton's onslaught and so Pepiton landed blow after blow with his deadly wok, the "gong" of each impact resounding throughout the cafeteria until finally he finished Nandamudi off with a fierce wok uppercut to the face.  Israel staggered back, slipped in an area of tiles that had been freshly mopped and collapsed into a pile of chairs.  This fight was over, Pepiton by a knock out.  This man didn't need caffeine to prove he was the king of the ring.

Contributing Writer: Tommy Moreland

No one could have seen this one coming. It was supposed to be a friendly discussion with only the slight possibility for a bit of bloodshed, not the outpouring of destruction it became. Of course, as we all know, “supposed to” gets thrown right out the window once a Thompson walks into the room.

      Monday night was the open forum featuring Drs. “Slick Rick” Johnson, Warren “Mr. Carey” Johnson, Troy “Birdman” Ladine, and “Sly Roy” Darville, who were discussing the Creationism vs. Evolution debate. Things got off to a nice start, with Dr. Jeph Holloway, sponsor of Theta Alpha Kappa, the society for theology students who actually know what the heck is going on in theology books and want to flaunt it in front of God and everyone, moderating. The full-capacity crowd was ready for brash bashings and black-eyes as everyone took their seats. Many dignitaries were in attendance, including Dr. Bob Riley, president, Dr. Paul Sorrels, vice-president, and a man who needs no introduction, “The Tank” Tankersly. Dr. Holloway stood to speak.

      “Ladies and gentlemen, I thank you for attending our forum tonight. I would like to remind that because we are in a university setting, the open and free exchange of ideas is highly encourage, and because we are in a Baptist setting, a little debate and violence is highly unavoidable. So, I’m going to turn it over to the panelists and let them introduce themselves. Gentlemen,” with that, he took his seat.

      As the professors went down the line introducing themselves, it was clear where the lines were drawn. The Drs. Johnson were sitting stage right, while Drs. Ladine and Darville took stage left. Starting with “Mr. Carey” and moving on to “Slick Rick,” things went swimmingly. Each panelist stood, announced his name, department, and why he was there, incurring several laughs. It was when the “Birdman” stood that things got ugly.

      “Hi, everyone,” he began in his smooth voice, “I’m Dr. Troy Ladine, professor of Biology here at ETBU, and I am a neo-Darwinian evolutionist. I make no apologies about this and-“

      Suddenly, he stopped as a look of recognition crossed his face. Every eye in the room followed his glare as it came to rest on FNF Executive Producer, Ryan Thompson. Out of nowhere, “Birdman” Ladine flew into a poorly spoken street-rage.

      “Thompson! Yo, check yo’self, foo! How come us science folk didn’t get no play in the Friday Night ladders?” Absolutely shocked by this outburst and even more so by Ladine’s impulsive knowledge of out-dated street slang, no one, Thompson included, could think of anything to say until, that is, a voice of reason rang out across the silence.

      “Sit down, Troy,” proclaimed the prophetic voice of “Slick Rick.” “We’re here to discuss evolution. Now stick to the topic.”

      “Hey, yo, shut it, Rick! You’s just pissed off cause you done lost!”

      “What was that, Ladine?”

      “Yeah, you heard me. I know all about that. You done fell off and now you think you can run up in here talking like you’s all big and e-erythang, but you ain’t got nothing!”

      With that, Ladine grabbed his chair and threw it at Rick’s head. But Johnson was as focused as ever and blocked the chair with his right fist. “Tank” and “Mr. Carey” took one look at each other and flew into the fray themselves. FNF certified bodyguards were on the scene, fortunately, and were able to get Mr. Thompson out of the building before any damage was done to him. Unfortunately, all other FNF employees were also pulled out with Thompson, so we were unable to get a report on the rest of the fight, but we were able to interview some of the survivors from the crowd.

      “I didn’t think it was possible,” mumbled one stunned bystander. “I’m completely convinced now.” When pressed for information, he was only able to stutter some random syllables before repeating the same two sentences.

           Another eyewitness reported that Ladine transformed into a creature which looked humanoid, but had a massive strength and a skull structure large enough to house a brain several times the size of any other ever reported. Scientists who have viewed the police reports have described this as a “hyper-evolutionary leap,” where the genetic material of a subject under great distress can actually begin to evolve, given precise, nearly perfect conditions, by leaps and bounds into an entirely new species which is millennia ahead of its genetic timeline. We can only assume that this is what so stunned the first witness.

      We are sorry to report that not much else can be learned at this time and the police have roped off Fred Hale as a crime scene, but it has been confirmed that all parties were in their classrooms and offices the following day, completely unchanged from the last time they were seen there, aside from Ladine, who has yet to de-evolve.