If you read me regularly, you may think you will know what my answer is, the death of my daughter. You would be wrong. For me, the biggest challenge of my life so far? Learning how to LIVE after my diagnosis of cancer, the surgery and treatment and the resulting Coma. Realizing that I couldn't just give up and die, but that I could relearn what needed to be relearned and that I could move past it and have a rewarding life, that was a challenge. A challenge that I finally accepted and am working on right now.

Life is meant to be lived. I didn't always know that. In my life there have been a lot of things that made me feel like life wasn't worth living. Being a Gay teenager in my day, the 1970's was very hard. People didn't come out at 16 like they do now.

Living with Bipolar Disorder brought shame and fear into my life. I didn't realize that I had a unique opportunity to advance my learning. Not looking at this as a challenge added nothing to my life. I thought the depression was something I had to accept and that the manic, bad behaviors were something to hide.

Choosing to bring a child into this world knowing the problems that I had and the problems she would face because of who I was, should have been a challenge. It wasn't, it was something I took for granted as my right.

Accepting the major health issues my daughter was born with and helping her live a fulfilled life should have been a challenge for me and though I took up the challenge it was for her and on her behalf and so, in no way a challenge that I had to face, for me.

Losing my daughter at such a young age should have provided a challenge for me. I should have taken up some sort of cause to help me get through my grief and pain, but I didn't. I indulged in my grief and learned nothing from her death but the pain, depression and desolation that brought me to a suicide attempt.

I have had money. I have had relative fame more than once in my life. I have had cars and houses and all the things associated with success. I took all that for granted and never looked for a challenge that made me grow as a person.

Finally, after the cancer and the coma, I realized that there were things in life that were not important and I started realizing what was important. I challenged myself to become well, to become whole. I challenged myself to show my love for John. I wanted to be a well person for my room mate. I want to live. I want to survive. I want to be happy for the sake of being happy and not as some sort of reward for doing something better than someone else could have done. My biggest challenge is to face everyday head on and live for that day learning or relearning what ever I need to learn to be happy and strong and caring and wise for that one day. That's what is important. The challenge should always be how to move forward and not worry about money, success or fame.

So, what is your biggest challenge in life today?

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Wow, I haven't written a decent post of any length in more than a week. I need some inspiration! Where is my MUSE?? Help me someone!

I live in a country that has a Constitution that guarantees us freedom of religion. I choose to remain in this country. I guess what I'm saying is, I believe in religion. I personally wouldn't call myself a religious person in the sense that I don't attend church every week and I don't adhere to the tenants of any particular church. I believe in God. I know God exists. I cannot look out the window and not see what has to be the creation of a higher being. We all have miracles in our every day lives. You know, those little things that happen that defy explanation. I pray daily, sometimes more than once in a day. I have faith. I don't need to see evidence and I don't want answers and explanations. I just wish that everyone could believe in the simple concept that there has to be something greater than we are. Think about it, an Orchid. So delicate, so beautiful with such an enticing aroma. They grow wild all over Hawaii and other tropical islands. Why would you ever believe that this is just a random happening and not the work of a supreme artist? What need could exist for such a wide variety of shape, size and color? Sorry, I KNOW God created each flower differently, just like each person is created differently, for reasons known only to God. I don't have to know the reason, I just have to believe there is a reason.

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