| Sick of your crush giving you the same ole excuses?sick of your friends making up the same ole excuses? EXCUSES EXCUSES! I'm here to lend some advice to all you damsils in distress. If you have a problem and are not sure your friends will understand, why not tell me!? You'll never meet me so there's no strings attached. So let it all out and comment me with your crush/friend/other problems. I'll get back to you ASAP! important::::I am only a young teenager so I can only help you with problems that I can relate to people my age.That would make me a hypocrite if I didn't! So please try to find someone older & experienced for sexual related questions. thanks :] !#$%^&*This site was inspired by going to advice_foryour_life; she's a very good advice columnist!#$%^&* Best Sites on Xanga [in my opinion] Advice Sites 1.http://www.xanga.com/realdeal_advice Quote Sites under construction Buttons/Graphics Sites under construction Wybell wrote to me on Feb 16:::: i have a boyfriend of a year now, and this has been pretty much a problem since the begining of our relationship... he blows me off ALL the time. Pretty much half the time he says we will hang out we actually do. It makes me very mad, and he knows it does, but hes said before "its ok you will just get over it in a few hours anyway" Which i usually do but still. I've told him many times how much it hurts me and annoys me, but he continues to do it. I dont want to break up with him for it, because everything else is amazing between us, i just want him to stop. Advice to Wybell:::: Boys like to toy around with girls' hearts especially when they know they can. It takes that rare guy to not take advantage when he knows that you like him. Guys tend to like what they can't have - the hard-to-reach thing. You seem to be a very nice girl that cares about her boyfriend enough to forgive him after hes hurt you time and time again, but he knows he has that power to hurt you. You need to stand on your own two feet and straight up tell him that what he is doing is hurting you and this is the last straw, and there wont be a kiss and makeup in 2 hrs. You needa be firm and stand your ground because if this guy is as good as u think, he will respect you and finally get it through his shallow skull that he needs to change his ways pronto. If he doesn't, then it's time to give up or atleast take some space. Maybe that break will show him how much he rlly needs you or maybe you'll realize that you dont really need him. Thanks for writing and I'll always be here to talk if u need it. --Trish the advice giver MKquotes wrote to me Feb 16:::: i guess i do have some issues with crushing on boys. see there are always a select few that i have attractions to, but i always say i dont like anyone. it's just easier that way. there's this one boy in particular...we went out before and then he broke up with me. he has had some girlfriends since, but i always kind of kept him in my mind. he's so hot and cold though. somedays he'll be like ignoring me, and then others he'll ask me things at our lockers and give me hugs after every class and stuff. so i don't know what's up with him? and i don't know what to do...! It's so normal to be attracted to a bunch of guys. The way I see it is there are three levels - 1. attraction 2.crushing 3.falling hard. You should always try to stay open and not force yourself into liking a guy OR into talking yourself out of liking a guy. Based on the info you gave me, I don't think you were ready to let go. I think he broke up with you when you weren't ready to be away from him. A guy like that is risky and does some serious damage because he toys with your hopes. The best I can say is don't have your expectations too high for this guy what I mean by that is don't put your eggs all in one basket. If he dates you -great. If he doesnt-then it won't be the biggest drama of your life. If you do decide you really like this guy then learn to play his game. Don't be too clingy because as I told the girl above you - guys tend to overlook whats right in front of their face. Good luck with this guy and if you have more problems, you know who to comment. -- Trish the advice giver angelica wrote me on Feb 17:::: i have a boyfriend and before we went out, we were talking for over a month. and i told him i have a lot of guy friends so if he's gona go out with me, he's gona have to get used to me going out with them sometimes. well, i know he gets jealous because thats how all guys are, and we've talked about it, but i know he doesn't trust me because i am his first gf. but all my friends told me it's not gona work if he secretly gets mad at you. and he's crazyyyyy about me but i just like him; so idk if i should wait it out and see if things improve or if with time i should just end it. a little bit of jealousy is healthy in a relationship. It's nice to know someone's scared to lose you. Your boyfriend seems on the "clingy" side, but to me - his heart's in the right place. I don't think it's that he doesn't trust you, he is just paranoid. In a weird way, it's a cry for attention. Schedule some extra one-on-one time with you and your boyfriend. Don't ever hug/friendly kiss any of your guy friends in front of your boyfriend unless you seriously want him to cause a scene. He seems insecure so you might have to remind him how much you care about him often. He should understand you show him a little more attention, that your guy friends are just that - strictly friends. -- Trish the advice giver lauren wrote to me on Feb17:::: Hi. I'm Lauren. I need some advice. I'm 14 years old, and I'm very outgoing. I'm outspoken, talkative, and I think I'm friendly (enough.) I go to high school in a Catholic school, and I'm a freshman. I generally get along with everyone, but I can't seem to make any serious friends. My old friends from junior high seemed to have changed for the worst and dislike me. I recently invited them to go to the mall and they "forgot" to call me and tell me they didn't want to go. That really hurt me, because they could've said. Okay, we don't really want to go to the mall, but we're hanging out at my house. Want to come? I don't know why they couldn't do that. I got the hint that perhaps even though they still hang out, they don't like me for whatever their reaons may be. Now, I made a friend at the beginning of the year (September) and her name is Caitlin. She's very nice and I think we get along well. We went to the mall for the first time Saturday (when I invited the girls who didn't want to come.) and we had a good time. I was saying how I'm comfortable around her and able to express my feelings and when I asked her why she wasn't as "crazy" as she claimed to be around other friends, she said, "we're not close." It hurt once again because I had been being myself around her the whole time, thinking, wow, maybe we'll be close. And now I have my sweet sixteen approaching ( 2 years, but I need to make reservations.) I'm allowed to bring someone and I have no friends right now that I'm "close" enough with to consider bringing. It's going to be a vacation, so I want the person to be special to me. I think that's partially the reason I want a best friend. I do have a boyfriend so it's a little difficult to hang out with friends and him in the same weekend. But that's beside the point. I wouldn't know how to tell my mom I don't have a friend to bring. I don't want her to look at me as the loner. I wouldn't bother trying to be friends with people if I wanted the title of a "loner." I'm so embarassed about lacking friends. The casual friends I have are not close enough nor that friendly either. A lot of them drink/smoke, something I do not do and do not want to hang out with people on weekends who do that. So, what I'm really asking here: I really want to go on vacation but I don't want to go alone with just my sister either. I want to have a friend (she's older and brought a friend on a cruise we went on.) I saw how much fun they had. Besides, I couldnt' just stay with my sister, she'll be 18 and old enough to go to clubs and I'll be alone. What do you think I should do? (sorry it's long.) Well Lauren, I read and reread your comment and I feel for you. It's hard to tell you what to do, but I'll try! These tips are no for sure guarantees to make you gain some closer friends, but they might help. FiRST 0FF- in highschool you unfortunetly grow apart from old friends, but sad to say that there is usually some reason. If you were truly great friends, then ur friendship could even carry on through highschool. So see the glass half full and be thankful that you found out those girls might not be the truest friends after all. You can confront them about it [how they blew you off at the mall], but they are probably girls you don't need anyways.SECND 0FF- A great way to get good friends is to find someone with common interests. I found some of my best friends through playing volleyball.Team sports really bring people together and you become close. If sports for whatever reason aren't your thing then there are acting clubs/yearbook/art /catholic youth groups ect:: where you get to know people better and if you have stuff in common then you automatically have things to talk about so you won't have that weird first conversation where there's multiple akward silences. I hate those! Try to steer clear of smokers/drinkers because even if you don't do those things, you could get a bad rep for just hanging with those people && usually the people who are good friend material will steer clear of them too. You are a freshmen, you are not the only one out there who hasn't quite met there bestbuddy. Chances are there's other "freshmeat" roaming around && looking for a good friend too. I'm sorry if this advice didn't quite cover everythng, but I am going to talk it over with my best friend who started as a freshmen this year and ask him what he thinks is the best way to make best friends. Thanks for writing and if you ever need me, you know where to find me. -- Trish the advice giver cute contests wrote to me on Feb 17:::: well, i have had this boyfriend for 5 months. and i really like him a lot. and everything has been going well. but like, he went to his friends in a different city today.. bc his mom said he couldnt come to my house today.[idk,he hasnt really been here a lot lately] .. and he said he'd call me tonite. but he got on the computer. and i talked to him. & i'm like what have you been doing. hes like i went to the pastry shoppe. and this girl allison that he used to go out with like 3 years ago works there. and i was like how long were u there for . hes like ..like 15 mins, i had to go change. i was like why? hes like i had to change my hoody after someone hit me.. i was like who hit you. and hes like allison ..[& this happened before] and i'm like whatever. hes like yeah and we had hot sex on the bagels. and i was like wow. hes like i am kidding. and then i was like whatever.and he knows that i dont like that he goes there cause he sees her and they used to go out.. so i was wondering.. what should i dO?i was thinking about breaking up with him because hes been giving me problems for a while.. ones like these. what should i do? Your boyfriend knows how to push your buttons.period.He knows that he can use this girl to toy w/ you && make you jealous. He likes that you are scared to lose him to allison. I wouldn't make yourself look like your this obsessed love puppy and tell him straight up that he can either stop makng those comments [sex on the bagels]or your going to break up with him. Even if you don't want to break up, let him get a little scared and think twice before going back into the pastry shop or teasing you. If a guy knows he has the power to walk all over you, then he will defedently take advantage of it. It's like decoded into their DNA. If he doesn't change his ways after your seriously threatening break up warning then he obviously doesnt't take your relationship seriously or he's just a jerky clown that pushes things too far. That is when you know you don't need an arrogant guy like that by your side anymore! --Trish the advice giver addie wrote to me on Feb 18:::: my name is addie. i also have an advice site but this time, i need some advice of my own. theres this boy i really really like. hes two years older than me, and i've known him for almost 2 years now. we're realllly good friends and i dont think he knows i like him as more, problem is, he has a girlfriend. i pretend to be super supportive of the relationship and i always try and help him with it. but inside im secretly crashing it comes to an end. I know its wrong of me to want him to be unhappy for my sake bue i cant help it! i've liked him for pretty much a year and a half now and i just dont know what to do. i dont know if a relationship would work without the girlfriend, but im pretty sure it would. they've been together for almost a year now and he's crazy about her most of the time. she dosent seem that into him around other people because i think shes embaresed by him. good lord i like him so much i freak out when i cant talk to him! i dont know what to do :( please help me. Addie, when I read your comment, my heart sank. I went through the same thing about a year ago. The guy I like is two grades ahead and he had a girlfriend. We were bestfriends and he was taken. I tried to act like I was so happy for him, but deep down I wished he would dump her. I don't think I wished for him to be unhappy, it's just in my mind I thought that she couldn't make him half as happy as I would if he'd just give me that chance. I didn't think anyone was good enough for him,well,except me. I could only hold it in for so long before I straight up told him, I like you. He was a little surprised at first, but it felt good. Even if you tell him and he doesn't feel the same - it'll hurt..a lot, but you will feel good that atleast he knows. So if you'll tell him then you'll either defedently know he likes you or you'll know he doesn't. And to me, knowing is better then wondering. If you think your ready to take that step and go for it...then honestly I would do it. You can't just sit around and wait for him to figure out you care for him.Figuring things out are not guys' strongpoints. --Trish the advice giver love confused wrote to me on Feb 18:::: i miss my ex-boyfriend, but i don`t know if he misses me back. i don`t know what to do. i can`t find him in any school. help???
I'm not sure what you meant by "i can't find him in any school". Do you mean you can't find a guy like him in any school or you literally can't find him. Judging by the info you gave me, first think of the reason why you broke up. Was it because he treated you badly/cheated or because you two just drifted apart. Sad to say cheaters will 99% of the time cheat again. Who dumped who? If he treated you badly then I think you should keep a guy like that out of your life because no girl deserves that. If you to just drifted apart, or you dumped him then you should keep searching for him and tell him you weren't ready to move on and maybe you two could work things out. Supply me with a little more info because I'm not sure I helped you quite well enough. -- Trish the advice giver ashli wrote to me on Feb19:::: It seems like my two besties in the whole world Lena & Devin! don't wanna be my friend anymore! They always are saying "oh ashli, just shut up, you talk to much" & then at lunch they will be acting like they never said anything. Do they want to be my friend? Your friends are either a.) mad at you for something or b.) just shunning you because they want a change. I would first off, confront them and flat out ask them why they are suddenly acting mean to you. Make sure to give specific examples [ex - when they tell you to shutup and say you talk too much] so they won't give you a blank expression and say "huh, when have we been mean to you!!?" If they are mad at you then it's pretty obvious- settle the problem! no problem is too great to break up bestfriendship. If they are those kind of girls that just change friends with the seasons then drop them. Don't be pathetic and hold on to girls who are "switch-offs". Ask yourelf, have they ever done anything like this [tease girls/be mean] to any of there friends in the past like they've been doing to you? If so, then they have a bad record and history unfortunetly repeats itself. Even after you guys talk and they still act mean. It's time to let go of your "bestfriends" because they weren't your friends after all. If they can't respect that you had the courage to confront them andjust ask you to stop being mean, then they don't deserve to hang with you. So to sum it up quickly, confront them about it and either settle it or walk away, but never be a tag-along to girls who are just flat out - mean. um like layouts wrote to me on Feb 19:::: There is this guy that is really pissing me off. So I met him freshman year and we became sort of good friends. We had like 3 classes together and talked a lot. There was something there, everyone thought so. Sophomore year we drifted a part i guess but we still talked enough, no at all as much. This year, Junior year, we got closer and it just feels different. In October, I finally told people that I liked him and everyone said that he liked me too. Now its Feburary and he has been ignoring me. First semester, we would always have this really long walk to class together, and it always made my day feel better. Then when Winter Cottilion came up, he told a few of my friends that he was going to ask me. I held out for it but it never happened. I went to the dance thinking that he wasn't going to be there and there he was there. He had a date and didn't really spend any time with her but when i saw him dancing with someone, I like almost cried. It pretty much ruined my night. Even when he saw me, we definetly made eye contact, but he didn't even come over to say hi. Maybe its my fault, that I like can't just go up to him and talk to him, but its becoming worse. We have one class together and the other day it was an extra credit thing, and all he did was ask me for answers. I just sat there almost wanting to cry. It probably is just my fault. Something is there, I just know it. I have tried to get over it, last year and just forget about my silly crush, but i couldn't. :( Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Guys are as unpredictable as the weather. Once you think it's bright and sunny, it starts to rain. My theory after all these stories I've been commented with is that guys don't like what is right under there nose. He was more into you when he didn't think you liked him and he was trying to reel you in. Once he found out you liked him, he probably figured his task is accomplished because guys overlook the greatest things because they love "the chase". They like to go and reach for something they really want and once they get it...they don't know what to do with it. He might be freaked out at the fact that you want him back and he finally realized woah.. she likes me. Commitment can freak guys out. He probably tried everything to avoid you because he damn right knew that it should have been you there dancing with him and is probably too ashamed of himself to even talk to you because he seems cowardish. March right up to him and tell him to stop toying with you and ask him just tell me, do you like me or don't you- just tell me and we can both move on. && at that point you could get very very hurt or you may be very very happy. But whatever the outcome is you can move forward from it instead of always living with the teensiest bit of regret and that question popping in the back of your mind "what would have happened if I asked him if he liked me?" Because let me tell you, you will never completely move on from this guy until you no for certain. -- Trish the advice giver Stephanie wrote to me on Feb 19:::: Hi.My name is Stephanie.I like this guy,and he used to like me.But then he stopped being nice,and started being a HUGE jerk.He always says I am ugly,and makes fun of me.I tell Him to stop,but he doesn't listen.Him and his friends talk about me behind my back.It is really starting to bug me.PLEASE HELP!! Stephanie, right now I want you to stop.Stop and think why are the reasons I like this boy.Got them?Okay. Take those reasons and compare them to allll the things he's done to hurt you. Think of all the times he called you ugly and talked behind your back && made fun of you with his friends. Do the good things outweigh the bad? I know he used to be nice to you, but people change. If any guy can be munipulated into turning on someone he used to like [you], then you don't need a guy like that. You don't need a guy that changes with the ocean tides. If you really think there's a grain of goodness in him, then talk to him. Talk to him when he's alone and not trying to be an ass with his friends. Really one on one hardcore talking and tell him that you didn't think he was this jerky guy and you can't believe what he's turned into. If he still acts like a jerk and doesn't take that conversation seriously then he has to go. There will be plennnty of guys who will treat you better and no one deserves to be treated like dirt. -- Trish the advice giver Samantha wrote to you on Feb 19:::: theres this guy i liike but he has a girlfriend. but he cheated on her with me more than once. they have been going out for 1 month and i really like him a lot. he said he likes me a lot too but he said that things are going good with his girfriend so i told him that i wanted to leave him alone because i felt bad cause shes a girl and i would kill someone if they made my boyfriend cheat on me. he said that it was a good idea and then he said he loves me. of course i criedd. ahh i dont even know whyy . i just get so attached. but what should i do ? do you think i did the right thing ? You did the right thing. Straight up, you did the right thing. You did it for her, but you also did it for you. I know you really like this guy, but you can't share him. && even though he says how much he likes you then why wouldn't he leave his girlfriend for you? Make sure he's not a player who wants it both ways - you and the other girl. If he leaves his girlfriend and comes to you then you seriously have to decide deep down and not be n denial at whether this guy was using you and you weren't just another girl. If he doesn't, it will hurt. No lie, straight up heartache, but he wasn't your only chance and there will be other guys who will want you and only you...and not another girl. -- Trish the advice giver
X0H wrote to me on Feb 20:::: hey im heather okay so theres this boy that i like and he used to go out with my best friend while he was going out with her i told him that i liked him and he told me he liked me bac. but he liked her more.my bff new iliked him and new he liked me he even told her but she didnt care at all. so he broke up with her and i was really happy expecting him to ask me out but he didnt. when he told me he asked soemone eles out my heart sank. he always flirts with me 24/7 and he gives me hugs all the time, he puts hisarm around me,he even tells me he loves me, i dont do these things back to him cause i dont want his gf to flipp on me.i cant stand him leading me on like this though.idk what to do. hes such a player to people but i really like him. what should i do. Well, sticky situation there. I guess what I must say here is hoes before bros. If your best friend is your true friend, then they will really try hard not to hurt you, but guys won't think twice about it. He shouldn't have told you he liked you back while he and ur best friend were dating because it puts you in a weird position. That should have been a little hint because if a guy does that to another girl he won't think twice about doing the same thing to you. What he does with you - he will do against you. If you truly like him and continues to lead you on then don't be another one of his "girls" that just let him float around from chick to chick. Don't seem weak and don't hang on every word this boy says. Put yourself out there- date other people because that boy doesn't seem to have a problem doing so. If you let him tease you [ex - hugging you,putinng his arm around you], he will walk all over you. Stand up for yourself and the feminist in me wants to say the cliche - " You don't need a man to define who you are". -- Trish the advice giver ABCD wrote to me:::: kay so. i like this guy ian; ian likes me.
mark likes me; i used to like mark.- but he was too scacred to do anything bout it. so after about 6 months i just moved on. we were still amazing friends tho. like nothing changed really. but yea he still really likes me.
so. before ian liked me- he and mark made a promise. that promise was:: ian wouldnt ever like me cause mark was trying to "get me bak"
so now.. ian and i are hanging out every weekend; we kissed; hold hands and we are practically a couple. mark found out bout that like a week ago. and he acted cool about it. untill recently. wen him and this other guy just yelled at me to shut up wenever i try to talk to him... he also blocked me on msn. ive tryed to talk to him but he avoids me. hes not the type to confront about his feelings. and ive tryed to get his close friends to ask him if he was mad or angry with me. but he ignores the question and changes the subject... like ive heard of trying to get over someone- but thats never been being mean towards them or anything. like i really want to stay friends with him . hes really sweet and nice. and we can talk about all sorts of stuff.
and i haate losing friends.especially really close ones; like me and him
You can't make people like you back,plain and simple. and as much as we really wish we could- we can't. & mark will learn that and will unfortunetly learn it the hard way. If you really like Ian, you can't let mark always be tying you down. It is easy to turn friendship into love but very difficult to turn love into friendship. What I mean is that mark will never fully be happy being friends because he will always want a little more. It is probably bugging him that Ian wants you because Ian made that promise, but mark will always feel upset no matter who you go out with. I feel the same way about letting go good friends, but you have to see that sometimes it isn't fair to leave people wanting for more and maybe if you take a little space from him he can finally learn to move on. Ultimately, you can't please everyone and when it comes down to it you have to do what you want. michelle wrote me:::: I started a new high school and I decided it was a good to start on a clean slate, and I did. I left behind a year long "thing" with a guy full of ups and downs he broke my hurt horribly but we still had our ups and our nasty fights. Anyway, I still liked the guy but I was doing my best to forget about him since I wasn't going to see him anymore. So i did my best to try and meet people and guys and see how things would go. Then I met this one guy and he stood out to me for some reason and I was like oh wow i'll try and get to know him so yeah we are friends and I ended up getting really close with his older sister and his mom. Our moms are close and his mom takes me home, we go out to eat and she thinks him and I would be adorable together. he doesn't know all of this. but yeah i like the guy but one day, I was online and all of a sudden the guy from the past I.Med me. We started talking and all of a sudden the past came up and he appoligized and explained everything that he felt for me and why things ended up and how he was so sorry for hurting me and all that. He called me and we talked till 2 and I cried and he even cried on the phone. We started talking more and we ended up getting back together but at the same time I still thought about the new guy. And my boyfriend (the first guy) were doing great and he convinced my best friends that I meant alot and they told me to trust him and be happy again, but we didn't tell anyone because people at his school are against us being together. But a couple days later people found out and my boyfriend broke up with me because it was too much for him to handle having people on his back about us when those people don't see me anymore. So i was really sad but at the same time I didn't feel any different. I still cared about my ex in a way but at the same time i was like whatever. He apparently likes another girl..and he still says he misses me and that he still loves me and all that but I am so confused. I still think about the new guy and i feel like telling him I like him. I am not sure at all who i like, who to stick around with and everything. it's all so confusing. sometimes im like okay i miss my ex and I want to see him and hold him and all that and then the next im like OMG! i friggin like you (new guy)!!. First off - MAJOR league apology. I would never skip a problem and it was just a dumb mistake for me to skip it. very very sorry. Now on with the advice... have you ever heard the saying "fool me once I'm the fool, fool me twice and I'm the fool". Don't be the fool! don't let your ex get to toy around with you and only go out with you when it's convenient to his schedule. You don't want a guy whose ashamed to say your together you deserve to be shown off to all his friends. A guy should be proud to be lucky enough to be with you. You probably deep down do have feelings for your ex and maybe you always feel your heart race a little faster when he talks to you, but sometimes it's not always about what you want, but about what you deserve. Your ex doesn't seem to have a problem dating other people, so why should you? Give this new boy a chance because you really have nothing to lose. Keep your options open and don't worry about who you like so much. You are in a recovery process of trying to let go of the old and move on to the new so you'll have a lot of mixed feelings,but that's okay. Don't ever think you have to force yourself into liking someone. Just let it happen naturally - that's half the magic of it. ABCD wrote to me on march 13:::: so another dilemma.-
actually like two but. you will see.
so first. i like this guy. alot. and he knows; he likes me alot too and we are practically bf/gf. like we say we like eachother and we've kissed and ive had dinner with his parents and we hand out every weekend and we write little love notes to eachother.(this is ian..the guy i asked you aabout before)
anyways. so i kinda ACCIDENTALLY stood him up yesterday. like he sent me a email saying "lets meet at 11/1:30..." and so i thot that we would call eachother to set a certain time but it turns out he just showed up at the mall at 11.30 and waited for a hour ..like. OMG! and so when i called him (to set a certain time) he just said he was sick and coodnt hang out. then we fixed it all up and stuff. and he said he lied and he was angry but he's not angry anymore and i was apologizing like crazy. and just saying sorry. BUT i think he hasnt really gotten over it. and i know that i should probly just wait but idk. hes just acting diffrently. and kay another dilema. he lies. alot. and im a gullible person. so. he just lies to me about little things and like the next day he tells me tht i t was a lie. but like. im scared that it will escilate (in my past-lying was the cause of horrible realtionships) and im liek paraniod now. that it will turn horribly.
First off, sorry I'm replying so late. I'm usually on top of things, but I have been having some problems myself lol. Well if he is really that mad, I mean come on people make mistakes. Sometimes one guy is a little more laid back than another. Try doing sumthing totally cute for him like sending a pizza with "sorry" written on it in M&M's or something just silly romantic. It'll make him laugh and he'll relize that you really were sorry. Actions speak louder than words (and for guys: pizza speaks louder than them both!). About the lying thing, you can't be in a really secure relationship without trust. That's like numero uno most important thing is honesty. Because it'll start with lying about small thinsgs and those small things will spiral into big huge things so you have to tell him listen you have to be straight with me. Usually people who lie will 97% of the time change there ways. Make sure this guy is worth all the pain his lies are putting you through because you can't be with someone where you are questioning whether or not what they say is true. You just want to be able to believe that he is truthful with you and if you can't have that then your relationship won't work out. Kayla wrote to me on April 1::: hey my name is kayla. i am 14 and im a freshman. well theres this guy i really really like. he knows i like him and he likes me too i think but hes really shy. hes new at my school this year and i dont know why but hes really shy so when i try to talk to him he dont say much and hes realy quiet. well him and my cousin raymon are really good friends since they first talked and my cuzin tried to get us together but this guy makes up alot of excuses not to go places cause he knows ill be there and he knows hes really shy. so anyways me and him write notes all the time but it takes him awhile to write back. but i tell him how i feel and stuff but he says i dont every really talk to him, but i actually do talk to him but hes the shy one here. but i really rreally like him alot and i cant get over him. i dont know what to do cause he kinda stopped writing notes and he told one of my friends he dont care anymore cause we never talk, but its not my fault hes really shy and hes real confusing and im about the only girl who likes him and will write him notes and stuff. my cousin is goin out w/ my best friend amanda so he dont really pay attention to whats goin on with me anymore. idk but i hope u can help me....thnx this guy really is confusing and seems to be toying with you. I know you feel like you have to be the agrressive one because he's so shy, but if he really likes you he'll start to open up a little more. Leave him alone for a little while, and see if he'll start to write you notes again. Flat out tell him [out loud in person and not thru a note] that he's the one who never shows up at places you are at,chooses to only talk thru paper, and only talks to ur cousin about you. && you would gladly rather hang out and talk in person than to a stupid lil note. He just seems like a guy with bad self-confidence and after u give him that little speach on how he is the one who chooses to never talk, take some space. Wait for him to think about what you said, and maybe he'll realize what a douchebag he is being or he'll choose to stay anti-social. If he is going to be that shy, a relationship wouldn't work out anyways. You can't have a crush on a peice of paper. journal directoryz wrote to me on april 4th:::: Hey!You commented me and I read some of your advice!So please give me one! I am extremelyt crushed with this boy but he is really popular and he is a ladies' man!We went out on 2 dates and we kissed on the second one. He told me he wanted to get serious but I don't believe him since he has girls over him all the time and he also dated my ex-bestfriend who told me he told her that too and he cheated on her,but I still have hope he will be diffrent with me...someday,...When we're toguether I feel wonderful,but I'm afraid this won't get anywhere,I just beg you to please tell me what to do,ok thnx a lot!
Players can be sniffed out easily as long as you don't have the two obstacles that can block your judgement - #1. denial and #2. paranoya. Those two are the basic extremes.What I mean by denial is thinking the sun shines out of this guys ass and being too much in denial to admit to yourself that he is a cheater, and what I mean by paranoya is constantly thinking that if he doesn't text you every 45 minutes he is making out with a girl somewhere. In my opinion, to me a cheater will 98% of the time cheat again because cheaters are only sorry until they get caught - they never really learn. Instead of looking for all the reasons he might be a cheater/player, evaluate all the reasons that he is a good boyfriend = 1. does he call you? [not every 45 minutes as i sed before, but maybe a few times a day] 2. Does he put in a lot of time or only when it's conveinant on his schedule? 3. Are you the only girl he pays attention to on a date? 4. Does he care what you say, or is only into himself? For now, because he has a bad rep. hold him guilty until proven innocent. What I mean by that is don't have too high expectations for this guy let him prove himself to you that he only wants to be with you and no other girl(s). Sort of have him on probation. His actions will show how true it is that he wants you and only you. So go with your gut - it's usually the best advice giver. -- Trish the advice giver ABCD wrote to me on april 6th:::: back again!
so you know that guy tht i really like. ian. well i took your advice and everything went perfectly. like he was back to normal and we even watched the stars together lying on a road! anyways. that was last weekend. but this weekend. its different again. whenever i say "i like you :)" or something like that he jsut says "good" and starts making funn of how im weak and dumb. and then when i say like "...tht made me feel great." or just something to show him. that liek im trying to be nice and stuff. he just acts as if im overly sensative and annoying. like its wierd. cause he has major mood swings. like one day he'll b like "i like you so much you mean so much to me." and the next day he will be like silent and one word answers. should i confront him? always glad to here my advice helped you! This guy is starting to bug me! He is reminding me of the guy I like, who has major mood swings. Mood swings kill because you don't know which side of him is the real side. You want to believe the sensitive caring one is, but sometimes you just aren't sure. Maybe he is just akward with hearing you care about him. It seems like he feels more comfortable saying the lovey dovey stuff rather than replying to the sensitive stuff you say. You can confront him but there is a fifity-fifty chance he'll say you are annoying/overreacting or he'll take what you say to heart [we are hoping he does option number two]. So first comfront him subtly because you don't want to come across whiny and maybe if you just give me a gentle warning he will stop. If he continues to act like a jerk, tell him firmly he needs to start acting like your boyfriend if he wants to be your boyfriend. -- Trish the advice giver one tree hill quotes wrote to me on april 4th:::: I actually do have a problem. lol. okay, so my name's emily and i dated this kid let's call him ricky and then he dumped me and I tTHINK I kinda still like him and I think he likes me, but I don't really want him to ask me out because it would cause wayyyy too much drama and my mom and dad don't like him and I kind of just want to stay friends but I like him too. also, I like and have liked my brothers BEST FRIEND for like 3 years now and he's a year older than me. I'm like 10000000000000% positive he doesn't like me, but I still can't get over him. What should I do? It's completely normal to still have feelings for your boyfriend after you've been dumped. Nowhere in the rule book of love does it say that because a guy dumps you, you automatically stop having all feelings for him. In fact, I think that you are feeling that things are unfishished between you guys. And if he does ask you out besides the fact of your parents disapproval and drama, you should try other people. About the other guy that you like - It's good that you aren't just stuck on your last boyfriend. It's healthy for you to like him. Even though you think he'll never like you keep a realistic mind, but don't be negative. Don't say 1000% because take my advice that anything can happen. It is less likely because the guy might feel weird seeing as your his best friends little sister. Just keep an open mind because take it from me and my personal experiences that nothing is absolutely impossible. -- Trish the advice giver xox3kisses wrote to me on april 4th:::: ok so theres this guy and hes my ex. we went out a couple months ago just for about a month. then he cheated on me so i told him it was over and he said he wanted to still be friends. well now i have started to realize that he means soo much more to me than friends. i told him how i felt and he can't decide if he wants to be friends or more than that. he tells me he just wants to be friends but he'll tell my friends that he likes me. he had his bar mitzvah about a week ago and it was supposed to be me and him dancing during the set-up part where they pair couples up. his friends all came up to me and asked me if i would dance with him so i said sure and they said they would put us together. then my friend was talking to him and asked him if he wanted to dance with me and he said "well shes the only person i want to dance with." the day of the party at his service we find out that he has a girlfriend from another school. they had been going out for a week and he hadn't told any of us about her. one of my friends is also really close with him (like sister-brother relationship) and she didnt even know so she was really pissed. since the party we've talked about it but im still really upset. i just don't get him at all anymore. and i really want to move on and get over him but i can't. i still really really like him and i dont know what to do. There is a fine line between what you want and what you deserve. And sometimes the two just don't match up. The proof is laid out in front of you that he is a cheater and he charmed you into believing he wasn't. It's really hard to let go of someone you like a lot, but it has to be done because he will hurt you over and over. He tricked you and deep down you know that if he really cared as deeply as you thought then he wouldn't have a girlfriend. The best thing is to let go completely because even right now being just friends will prevent you from moving on. You need him out of your life {{atleast for right now }}so you can get over this. You can't let a guy toy with your heart...trust me they'll break it. -- Trish the advice giver sjatie10 wrote to me on april 4th:::: I need some advice.
Last year I dated this guy, it was amazing and everything was perfect, but then it ended, he said he wasn't in love anymore. This year I'm in the same class as him. First it was really weird but after a while it was fun, we started talking again & I enjoyed it.
But 1 month ago, it was going further then just having fun, we kissed, but the problem is he has a girlfriend and according to him he loves her. So he said to me , this couldn't happen again.But a week later we kissed again.. we went out together and we kisses and went a little further then just kissing. All in secret ofcourse because the girlfriend can't know.
I'm now wondering if he's just using me or that maybe he has feelings too.
What should I do? Well let's examine this situation. Boy has girlfriend. Boy says he loves girlfriend. Boy kisses you. Something is not right with this picture. He might very well have feelings for you, but he is still keeping his girlfriend which means he doesn't want to admit to liking you. He must have a very warped view on love because last time I checked if you say you love your girlfriend you don't go kissing another girl. The guy probably just thinks since things are going well with her and you are still there for him too that he doesn't have to come clean, but eventaully the truth will come out {{it always does}}. Love isn't a balancing act, he can't have both. Do you want to wait around until he chooses between you girls or walk away ? The choice is really up to you. --Trish the advice giver lolvelymistake wrote to me on april 4th:::: girll you have a serious case of puppylove undoubtedly. This guy seems like a sweettalking charmer. You probably aren't over him and you probably still have the butterflies and sweaty palms when your with him, but history has a tendency to repeat itself. Remember back to when he did all that flirty stuff before and what happened - he dated your best friend. He sends very mixed signals and seems to be misleading. Things are sort of a gamble when it comes to this guy. He's either A. just flirting with you and not expecting a solid relationship {{like he did before}} or B. saw what it was like with anotehr girl and knows it can't possibley compare to the way things could be with you [we are hoping for option B]. Just be with him and expect for the worst and hope for the best. Set the bar low because life is how you make it. If you keep your hopes to high, you are bound to get hurt. --Trish the advice giver xxbleedingxheart wrote to me on april fourth:::: This is a really long story so I'ma try to cut it short so sorry if it seems kinda all over the place. Okay, so I'm 14 and in 8th grade. I've never had a boyfriend and I'm ready for one. And there's this guy that I've liked ever since the beggining of the school year. And I've just been crazy for him. I never really did anything about it thought cause he had a girlfriend. But about a month ago I found out that they'd broken up. I didn't want to like just rush in or anything since they just broke up but I knew that I should take the chance now before someone else beats me to it or something. (He's one of the more popular guys in school.) So over Spring Break I was talking to one of my guy friends and I decided to just let him tell him. So they had this 'conversation' on Myspace and my friend slowly brought me into it. He even asked him if he thought I was cute and he said I was. So I thought that that was a good thing. I gave my friend the go ahead to tell him. But we got nothing. He never wrote back. The first day back I was just freaking out cause I still didn't know how he felt about the whole thing and if it was going to be weird between us.Well for two weeks its been the same. We haven't really talked at all. But this week it's been... okay? See I have him in my English class for two periods and he sits right behind me and ever since the break I've been more uncomfortable and self-conscious around him. But yesterday we actually kinda talked. And that's when it hit me. It can be completely normal between us the only reason we haven't talked before was because I've been making it weird. I mean not on purpose but I have. And I also found out something too yesterday. Him and his ex-gf are going back out again... I don't know what to do. I mean he's like the only guy I've liked this long. And had feelings for this strong. And it's really pissing me off that I always seem to fall for the wrong guy. But what's really bothering me is that I'm scared out of my mind that I might actually be... in love with him... And I honestly don't know what to do. I feel it neccasary to start backwards so here it goes. Love is a very strong word and is easily mistaken and I took the last sentence of what you wrote to heart because like you, I thought I loved a guy. Since he is the first guy you have liked for this long he is hard to compare to any other crushes because he is the only one. I know you might think I don't understand, but as I said my guy was also the first guy I liked for a long time [a little over a year], so I relate completely. The last thing you need me to do is tell you how YOU feel, but what I'm trying to say that it very possible that you just strongly like this guy and not love. Firsts make lasting impressions on you and since this guy is the first guy you liked for a long time, a little peice of you will always like him. Second point I feel needs to be made, guys respect girls confronting them directly {not too pushy} about asking them if they'd date them. 90% of male population want the girls to make the first move and seldomly like it when they talk through their friends. It makes you seem weaker and if you just march up to them and ask them {god knows it's not easy}, they will have that much more respect for you. With him dating and re-dating his ex, well you have no control. This area you are helpless. This is when you have to pray to God for the virtue of patience {something I never possessed}, and you have to let things run it's course. Let them break up and make up a few times, he's bound to get bored. Don't try to force the break-ups, they'll happen with sweet time. In the mean time, don't try to pin-point your feelings on whether they are love or otherwise. Just enjoy what's going on and as much as you think you do, you don't need a guy as much as you think. --Trish the advice giver xoxrecenexox wrote to me on april 6th:::: i think it's so kewl your helping people out im the one all my friends come too it can be sorta hard but i love it....anyways none of my friends understand, theres this guy and idk we've always kinda liked eachother than like 6 months ago we really really started liking eachother and it became serious and ive been like waiting for him, cause he lives sorta far and stuff, i dotn know what to do he told me the choice is up to me but basicaly he said we cant go out because of the distance and im afraid if we stay friends i wont get over him! ahh im so confused but i really care about him hes a huge part of my life. sticky situation you have here.You are getting me to use my critical thinking skills during spring break so I might be a little rusty. Long distance relationships work out in some ways but don't in others. The communication is still there, but you can't date a phone or a computer. Face to face makes a big difference. I'd admit to him that you really do care for him and maybe you two could visit eachother {i don't know how far you live from eachother} and tell him that it'll be hard, and you guys will have to really like eachother to keep up a relationship and ask him if he'd be willing to do that. If he says no and just wants to be friends, then you have to tell him what you told me. You are afraid that if you talk to him then you will not be able to move on from him. It is very easy to turn frienship into love, but very hard to turn love into friendship. Tell him that talking to him right now would just be too hard for you right now and when you think you've taken enough space to get over him, you'll start talking again. Let him know that if he cares about you, he will give you that little break that both of you could use. blake wrote to me:::: i'm not really sure how to put this, but i decided to get advice because i've completely run out of ideas. i've been depressed for two years now, i cut myself and i've attempted suicide. me and all of my friends have xangas and i've often hinted at it and three of them know the extent of my depression. i often ask for help or try to make it known that i want help, but they never seem to have any. they all try to offer me advice but i feel like its not getting me anywhere. i often think i'd be better off if i was on depression medication. i also have recently tried to open up with my parents but they're not helping either. my mom once suggested that we get me a phychiatrist but she hasn't done anything since. they often comment that i'm always sad and that nothing makes me happy, and yet they never do anything about it. i feel absolutely crazy and i don't know how to make them understand that i want help without looking like i'm just begging for attension because i'm really not, i just want help. if you had any ideas for what i could do i'd appreciate it. thanks in advance. -blake blake, I'm only a teenager like you. I have no professional backround or any big MD so what I say isn't gospel truth. Trust me, I know you think I may not understand, but my best friend in the whole world told me he tried to commit suicide and he actually did stab himself. He looks back on it two years later and says he was depressed, but now that he has help he is getting life on track. I know you feel depressed, but one day you will look back and realize how happy you are that you didn't go through with commiting suicide. There are so many things you need to think about. You would never be able to fall in love and get married or have children, or pursue a career. Suicide doesn't just kill you, it kills your family. They are emotional ruinned forever. You need to think about this. The road to recovery is to get real help. You need to tell your parents, if you sit them down and honestly say that you have been contemplating about killing yourself - they will take action. Get medication [that's what my friend did] and this last peice of advice might just make u roll your eyes, but I am sorry because I'm Catholic I am going to tell you that you need to pray, whether you pray or you don't- you need to start. Because I know you feel like no one's there for you, but seriously he's always there to listen to you. As corny as this sounds you need to start building a relationship. Just a little prayer at night to say god please I'm struggling help me through this. Trust me he listens.I prayed for my friend every night to help get better and look at him now. So confront your parents,get medication and therapy, and just say a quick prayer every night because God works in silent ways. abcd wrote to me on april 29:::: so before, my famm found out tht i cut. and i told everyone i stopped.(cuz it gone known around the school somehow :S )
kay so i never stopped and i just didnt cut my wrists.-just did like my hips
so somehow this came up with ian. and he ended up getting mad at me . cuz i lied to him wen i acted happy. and hes not talking to me like usual. and like. i was crying wen i said this. and hes like "maybe you shoodnt tell me this stuff anymore" and he didnt care at all. and he was mad the rest of the night. and now im talkin to him today (that talk was yesterday) hes trying to talk normal. but. hes like scared of me or sumthin like .. he says he will like me no matter what and he says i mean the world to him. but once i start crying or once i start not being all cheerful he like doesnt care about me as much and just runs away. so im scared that if something bigger happens and stuff. i wont be able to tell him tht kindof stuff and ...maybe this is wrong or w.e but .. i thot tht thts wat "i will always be here for you" meant.
and he says all these thinggs and thn keeps on telling me how i lied to him . and i want this to b fixed so i dont want to bring up how hes lied to me.
and idk wat to do. cuz he trys to make small talk just so its not the silent treatment. but. shood i apologize or. shood i bring it up again hows hes acting wierd.. .... im really stumped on this one :(
relationships aren't all just about the happy and fun times, the test of a true relationship is if he stands by you when things get messy. It's easy for a guy to stick around when your in your best mood, but it takes a real good guy to be by you when it's not all smiles and rainbows. If he bales out when the going gets rough then you really have to ask yourself whether he's right for you. You should never have to pretend to be in a good mood, you should be able to act as you are feeling. He says he will always be there, but does he really show it. Trust is the basis of a good relationship and how can you be together if your not sure when something goes wrong that he'll be there? You have nothing to apologize for. You should tell him that even though he says he'll always be there, he never shows it. && give him the example that you gave me about the cutting thing. You can't be there for someone when your not sure if they'll be there for you. okay well here goes. there's this boy. yeah i know, just like everyone elses problems. but anyways, i started liking him last year, and he knew it. and we talked all through summer, but he had a girlfriend. and at the beginning of this school year, we had most of our classes together. and we eventually started opening up a lot more to each other. well, my friend talked to him and he told her he liked me. but he was really afraid to break up with his girlfriend. it was his first one. but anyways, i never really told him i still liked him, but he could guess through mutual friends, and through my suttle hints. but he broke up with his girlfriend. and we talked all the time. i mean all the time. through the hallways, during classes, and then til like 12 every night. but then it just seemed annoying. he was everywhere. and i needed my space. and i got bored. i don't know, but i didn't want to date him anymore. and now, he has a new girlfriend, and i am totally jealous. i want him back. i would do anything. he talks about her all the time and want they do and i just can't help but thinking that i wish that was me. and his girlfriend hates me because i talk to him. anytime he tries to talk to me, she pulls him away. i mean everytime. and i did nothing to her. i know it's sounds like a bad case of jealousy, but how can i get rid of it? it seems like it happens all the time.. you have a couple of problems in here and I'm going to try and address them all. First off, you probably felt suffocated when you guys dated and now you feel like you sort of took talking to him a little fore-granted and you want him back. About the jealousy, I think both you and the new gf have some envy issues. It's normal for you to feel jealous and have those "damn, I wish that was me.." feelings. It's hard to stay friends after the break-up and have to hear him talking about her. The girlfriend's all worried that if he talks to you he'll start to have feelings for you again. Girl's have a 6th sense - maybe she can tell her boyfriend is starting to like you again. If he really likes you, one day when his g/f pulls you away he will finally tell her that she can't control who he will talk to. She seems very possessive and I have a feeling he is going to get very sick of that very quickly. I'd tell him that you feel like it was a mistake to break up and that you still have feelings. |
