| | A sign of life There used to be a time when I wrote scripts. In part because I liked doing so, but mostly - quite frankly - because of all the attention I received, and of that, I received a lot more than I ever bargained for. Even now, while there hasn't been a sign of life on this site since more than a year, there are still over a thousand people who subscribe to it. There used to be a time when it would thrill me to have that many subbers, but I have changed a lot since. It wasn't attention that I craved for, but something else instead, even though I didn't know that at the time. For a while, I mistook my poor ego-boosting little game for happiness. When you say that this is pretty pathetic, I'd say you're absolutely right. I have since experienced, that the pursuit of happiness, may in fact well be the pursuit of a substitute thereof, when what you believe to be your heart's desire, once obtained, turns out to be utterly unable to quench the deepest thirst of your soul in the long run. Sure, you may be happy for a while when you finally got what you always wanted. You may have found a relationship, the job you always wanted, a bigger pay check, the winning lottery ticket, local fame, or whatever it is you want most of all. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But disappointment kicks in, when it turns out that what looked so promising at first, isn't quite what you expected. In fact, it almost never is, and for some, it may never be quite enough, because the moment one desire is fulfilled, another one emerges. Happiness, it seems, is always two steps ahead of you, and so the pursuit continues. I recently attended a lecture by an ex-convict, a former colonel in the military police who had become willingly involved in transporting drugs. All he had to do, was placing his signature and look the other way, and for that he made incredible amounts of money on a weekly basis. When asking him how satisfactory that was, he told me that it was never enough to him, and that all he could worry about was a) how to get more money, and b) how to keep the money that he had, safe. On top of that, he also had to look over his shoulder all the time. And no, this is not the preachy "crime doesn't pay" kind of talk, because in this particular case, crime paid a truckload of money. But ultimately, it didn't bring him happiness. Happiness is not a matter of pursuing, getting or having anything, as I realized some time ago, but is rather a profound sense of wellbeing, calmness of heart, quietness of mind. It is that very state of being, which enables you to enjoy even the most seemingly simple things to a degree that only happiness will allow you. Even a glass of water can be tasty when you are able to enjoy it, but when you're stressed out, it is quite impossible to enjoy anything at all. All I can say is that I have found my peace, in the very same reason why Christmas is being celebrated, and I'm a happier person because of that. I find that the deepest thirst of my soul has finally been quenched, and that happiness is no longer something that I need to pursuit. It isn't somewhere out there. It is right here, inside, where neither moth nor rust do corrupt it. Better is a handful with quietness, than both the hands full with travail and vexation of spirit... Merry Christmas, and above all, happiness to all of you in 2007 -- the genuine kind! |
Merry CHRISTmas
