| Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies
"You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!!!!"
I absolutely despise it when people lie to me. It says to me that I'm not respected; and in fact, when I myself lie to people, it is because I do not respect them, or something they are doing. When I have deep, sincere respect for someone, I will tell them the truth, no matter how hard it is. So I suppose this is a pretty good yardstick for who actually gives a shit about me.
And my most hated kind of lie is the lie to "protect my feelings". How adorable, you want to protect my poor precious widdle feewings. Oddly enough, every time someone has lied to me to "protect my feelings", it has ended up hurting me even more than the truth, and hurting the other person, and hurting irreparably my relationship with that person.
We lie to children, tell them about Santa Claus and the cabbage patch. When I'm lied to like this, it tells me you think of me as a child, as a little princess who can't control her own emotions. Yes, I've attempted suicide twice. But when you lie to me, it tells me that that's all you see, the pathetic girl who had to be sent to the loony bin twice, not a real person who has overcome those problems. And, ironically, both times it was lies that put me there.
I can tell when people are lying. I can just tell. The closer I am to the person, the easier it is for me. And sometimes, my conscious mind will accept the lie, rationalize it away. But my subconscious mind is smarter than that. My subconscious knows the lie is there, even if there is no outward evidence for it. I wholeheartedly believe in the sixth sense. I can tell when I'm being stared at, when someone's going to call, and when someone is lying to me. So, my subconscious can't stand it, and my interaction with the person deteriorates. And I'm done flogging myself for my actions. My actions were simply that of an individual who knows something is wrong, something is suspect, but can't put her finger on what it is.
It hurts me when someone thinks I can't handle the truth, when someone doesn't trust me with the truth, and makes up some fairy tale for me. The fact that you think I'm too stupid and emotional to deal with the truth hurts me far more than whatever the truth was.
So next time you get the urge to pwotect my pooh widdle feewings, go cuddle a puppy, because I'm a grown woman, and I can handle the truth, Col. Jessep. |
