A Life of Fame

You know, I’ll admit I grew up in an MTV generation.

I wasn’t the cool kid in school even thru high school so my idols of coolness were obviously the people I admired on television. When my parents jumped into the Astro wave I was hooked on movies and tuned in to the latest songs on MTV and channel [V], so I knew everything there was in Hollywood, blablabla.

I became a girl who thought that I could be anything, which ain’t bad but also clouded my mind that the only way to really be happy is to be known for your talents, your looks and to be famous. It made me depressed how my face wasn’t ang moh enough, and that I didn’t have the height nor the body of the typical asian beauty.

As I grew older and met more people I realized that there was more to life than the recognition, the camera, the bling and admiration for just being famous. I threw away the superficial view I had on life and opened my mind to the world. I moved to Europe and experienced so much that and I became humilified beyond anything. And I became even happier to have grown up in Malaysia.

Strangely, I don’t need this anymore to benchmark myself against celebrities, against my friends who are famous, beautiful and making their lives walking the catwalk and being admired by strangers. I’m happy for them, because it looks like they’re achieving the things that really make them happy, and they are good at it. I’m good at rationalizing and public speaking, but I guess there’s more occupations out there that will contribute better to the world.

Funny how things change. Being known for glamour isn’t the most important thing for me anymore. And I’ve had so many dreams of it just few years ago.

I’m truly satisfied leading a private life, exploring the world, not being attached to the many expectations of people. I travel into places where no one knows me, and amazingly, feel attracted to me because I AM nobody. Everything’s not on the web for them to find out. Most of all, I love being only judged by the people I’ve actually met.

Because growing up, I lost my personality to the people on TV. I didn’t know what a made a happy, good, and pleased person of the world. Well, I sure didn't have the role models in real life! I only appreciated materialism as my worth - the more cool stuff I had, the more I fitted 'the' image, the more sucessful I would be. But now I have my own strong personality, I lose weight coz I love to and not for others, I dress up for the people that really matter and not for the scrutiny of strangers, and I am told I’m beautiful by the honest people that mean most to me. I appreciate just these few, but meaningful & hard to come by moments.

The grass is greener on the other side? Not anymore. Just be happy with your grass. It’s a cool feeling hey!

Who knows, maybe one day I'll be famous. But you heard it here first I didn't call for it. And I hope if I were to be famous it would because I did something for humankind, not for being a beautiful socialite flashin her coochie on purpose.

I hope the next MTV generation growing up with more atrocities like Paris Hilton, Amy Cokehouse, sex tapes, Naked Disney kids, pregnant 16 year-old celebrities & Teletubbies will find their way in life one day.