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| End of Year
It's the end of the school year. I have one week left. Time are a changing. My career is half way gone. I'll be home again for the summer. My school is going on strike. I might not come back next year at the right time. I'll miss my friends here. My banana cookie is sad her wife will be in Pitt. I'm sad my lynle will be at Pitt this summer. I miss my bunk. He's being bad (IMMA GONNA POKE YOUR EYE OUT:newest phrase). Another friend died. (RIP Adam Golden). My parents celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary. Now they are in Florida. My sister is getting married. I am seeing someone (summer fling). Alcohol saved my life. I need a job. | | |
| It's been a long time. It feels like it's been an eternity since I actually wrote in this. I should write in this more often because when I do, I feel better after I have written out my feelings. Lately, I have been just bottling up my emotions and not expressing them causing me to become tensed and anxious in a way. Only after relieving my feelings and my thoughts to a friend, I do feel better because the emotions are coming out. Well it's time to relieve them on here. In the last month, my friend has found the absolute perfect man for her. He's respectful, cute, and he appreciates her for being herself. She was patient and this has happened right at the right time. My roommate found a boyfriend that overall is her other half but he has the personality that he could hurt her in the end. My sister found a wonderful, respectful older man who works with her. I met him this past weekend and he has done everything that a parent/sister would want to see. Then I ask myself, "when is this going to happen to me?" The answer is obvious. When I least expect it and not really want it to happen. One day a lovely man will walk in my life and sweep me off my feet when I least expect it. I probably will fight it but he'll fight to keep it going. Hopefully. As for school, this semster seems to be going pretty good. My grades are either As or Bs and I need at least 2 As and the rest Bs to stay in the Art Education program which will be hard but not impossible. My social life seems to be at the high point right now. The only problem is finding another roommate to live with us for next year. It's crazy to think that my college career is half way gone already. Next year will probably fly by so fast, way faster than this year. I'm going crazy thinking that I'm already 20 and in a few short years, the rest of my life will begin. It'll be the big deal. Being on my own for the first time without having my mother and father holding my hand, telling me to jump the big hurdles of life. It almost feels like it's going to be tomorrow. | | |
| Expectations are always failed
Just what I don't want to happen, happens. It always seem to just happen. When I actually predict that everything will be ok, it never is. At first it always is ok, give it about a month, then it just shits out. You have no idea what the hell to do, what to think about the situation anymore. At the same time, you need to realize that it WAS going to happen, unfortunately. Even if you think that having a deep connecting conversation with the person, almost in a way to warn them, it NEVER turns out right. In fact, it's alway quite the opposite. As many times you tell that person how much you love them and you want what is best for them, they always don't listen, in fact they do the opposite. When you warn them that they will be hurt again, they ignore you and do what they think is best for them. He always told me, I tried to do what was best for my family. Well if getting back together with his baby's mother and fighting with her all the time is best for his family, I'm scared for his child. The one greatest thing in my life, his child, Bunk is gone. I can't be his father's friend or lover, or have any relationship of any sort. The only relations I will have is with his brother, Rusty. So I ask you, what the fuck am I suppose to do? | | |
| Anxiety attack Majorly. Too scared to actually think of the worst. He's scared of what could happen. The worst. If she finds out. That's the worst. She's crazy. She would spin out of control. Vent her frustration out on him. Was it sinful? Very. And too good. Too good to be true. Almost a dream. But yet it's reality. If only she knew. She's the enemy. She won the battle, but I won the war. She knows that. And she cares. So she controls. She controls him. She won't let him go. He's a prisoner. Trapped in her control. If only she knew. What if of what had happened. As if she could actually understand. The situation is complicated. Damage control if the secret is out. The secret is sinful. It would kill her. If only she knew. If only she knew, I'm slept with her enemy, her him. | | |
| New Year, New Hopes Every year I have a new hope that maybe I'll get a boyfriend, or I'll do better in school or something along the lines of that. But in really, I would like to be successful in anything that I try to accomplish. This year is to stay in the Art Education program which means that I need to maintain a 3.0 GPA overall. Is this possible? Only if I work hard enough to get 2 A's and the rest of my classes have at least a B. But I will push myself to do better than that. I would like to get straight A's one semster. I already got straight B's. I can do better than that. I proved to myself that I can do well and I know how to study correctly. This past semster in Art History I got a 100% on a test. Was I proud? Of course, I studied really hard for that grade. THis semster I"m only motivated to do even better than that overall. My schedule is about to be changed because my Educational Psychology class is an online course. I don't feel comfortable taking an online course. I never done it before and it seems like it would be too complicated. If I didn't like what was going on in the class I would be tempted to sign on AIM or to go to myspace and search around on that website rather than focus on my class. Therefore I'm switching to Anthropology. It shouldn't be too bad. At least on Tuesdays and Thrusdays, I can sleep in a little bit. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I have an 8am class (Ceramics). I'm very excited to start this class because it's been 1 year since I stuck my hand into clay and made something off of the wheel. This class should be one of my easy A classes. I think my other one may be Sculpture. I took 2 years of that. All in all, I think this semster will be successful and then this summer I may relax and just concentrate on getting a job somewhere. I was thinking about going back to work at Giant, but I'm not so sure if I really would want to do that again. I think I might want to work at my old IU for the summer. Maybe help kids out for a couple of months, perhaps with something in art field? The other idea I had was working at my sister's old job. It's a temporary job that she made about $10 an hour. It's full time, but I would have the weekends off. It's good money and it's not like I actually have anything to do around Camp Hill. Hell no. The only plus I had last year working third shift was during the day I got to lay out in the sun and sleep and get a tan at the same time. It was an interesting job but at the same time, it didn't necessarily help me out mentally. It just taught me that crackheads have no life and they only treat women like shit. I'm talking to my exboyfriend again. But we're only friends, I don't see us dating any time soon because we agreed that it wasn't the time. He's still recovering from his heart being broken and he really needs a friend, not a lover. I'm finally comfortable again. | | |
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