| Update on 5-6-07: Poem: "My Friend Ana"
Poems written 2-11-07 by Brittany. They're kind of bad, just a warning, but I was just trying to get some stuff out of my head. Listed shortest to longest.
"My Friend Ana"
When no one else would help me,
Ana welcomed me with open arms.
When I was tempted by sweets of every type,
She slapped my hand and asked,
"Is it really worth it?"
When I am running and decide,
"This is good enough."
Ana tells me, "But it's not great, is it?"
"Go for perfection," she says, "And ask yourself this:
if you only go for 'good', then why try at all?"
Ana is always right.
She is my lifestyle guru.
She always knows what to say.
She always supports me.
Ana is my best friend, and
I would do anything to keep her by my side.
"Naturally Thin vs. Willpower"
So many people pass me by
They think how odd I look,
and probably how fat I am
Is it all in my head?
But how can I walk into a room
with girls with a BMI of 16.5?
And not feel like a failure
Sure, it would be easier to be naturally thin
But how would I prove I have willpower?
"Skin and Bones Galore"
She's so gorgeous
Skin and bones galore
I want to ask how it's possible,
but I see a red string bracelet
I point at mine and smile
while we make eye contact
She's my thinspiration of the day
I want to be her
Amazing willpower, I can tell
The one the red-bracelet girls I look up to
I look at my $6 mocha and her iced water
as we pass each other
'Thin is in', 'Calories are a sin', 'Food is an addiction'
All true, all motivating words
Mary-Kate, Gemma, Nicole
All inspiring, all amazingly thin
But an actual person I see,
an ordinary girl, a real girl...
Skin and bones galore--my main thinspo
"1000 Words of a Masquerade"
Pictures aren't always worth a thousand words
"Snap!"
Me eating a bowl of tomato soup
The picture doesn't show me dumping it
after taking one sip in front of my mom
"Snap!"
Me trying on a size M dress.
The picture doesn't show me eating under
400 kcalories for 3 months or
fasting at least a total of 10 days a month
"Snap!"
Me lounging on the couch with my dad.
The picture doesn't show the three hours
of cardio I finished 20 minutes ago
"Snap!"
Me studying for a major science test
The picture doesn't show the reason I
have to study so hard is because I
spend all of class thinking about lunch next period
"Snap!"
Me at a rock show
It doesn't show that this is my number-one motivation
"Snap!"
Me on a scale
The picture doesn't show me obsessing over it and
whether or not I should weight myself
"Snap!"
Me with my friends
The picture doesn't show that the
scale and measuring tape are my real best friends,
along with 'Ana'
"Snap!"
Me with a wide, confident grin
The picture doesn't show the time spent
perfecting this masquerade
It doesn't show the hours of crying of self-hatred
It doesn't show the thoughts of suicide
It doesn't show the new scars,
the scars from cutting, which I haven't done in months
It doesn't show the pages of sketching
girls of skin and bones.
It doesn't show the hours in the mirror
It doesn't show the vomit in the porcelain toilet
It doesn't show the permanent marker
pointing out all my physical imperfections
It doesn't show the constant contradtion of what I should eat,
or if I should eat at all
Never believe a picture.
Or a mirror. Or friends and family.
They all lie,
almost like my big facade.
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