The longer I live the more respect and admiration I have for the strong individuals who have succeeded in spite of adversity. I think of the kind of person who perseveres even when the people who should be supporting them, are telling them it’s impossible. Who hears the word no, and thinks the word yes, and only becomes a stronger person and goes on to prove all their doubters wrong. I wish I could say that I am one of these elite. I’ve always thought I was a strong person, or rather lied to myself until I believed that I was. I think this was partially to try and insure my survival, as if believing that I’m strong would be enough to strengthen me. But today when I heard those doubtful words from someone close to me, as they assured me my situation was hopeless, I didn’t feel strengthened, or motivated to prove them wrong, rather I felt a sinking helplessness as I slipped into a melancholy acceptance of my  inevitable fate.  What’s even worse is that I’m aware of all of this and have thought a lot about it yet it changes nothing. Why can’t I just find it in me to make myself change the world, or at least my own little existence rather than accepting what everyone else says it has to be?

 
She wrestles between wake and sleeping
not knowing if the nightmares are
in her life or her dreaming

zachary smith will tell you that things will get bettter
But all the boys are throwing daggears at your heart
doing their best to make sure you'll never recover.

Why don't you stay
I'm up off my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
You can't give me what I need
When she begs you not to go
There is one thing you should know
I don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay