EnSabahNur81's Xanga

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Thu, 24 Feb 2005 08:01:42 GMT

If ya'll are interested....

http://www.livejournal.com/users/ensabahnur

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Wed, 02 Feb 2005 23:37:31 GMT

Hey ya'll. It's me. Just writing to say I'm now switching to opendiary.com. I have a journal under EnSabahNur, so if you're interested in my goings on, check me out there. Toodles!!

Scotticus

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 05:46:16 GMT

*Sigh*

At the suggestion of Scotty Do, I'm updating. Dunno why. Just in a mood today. Okay, here's the quick and dirty.

In the time since I last posted, this has happened"

-Screwed up and lost good friends, then many more by association.
-However, what happened would have happened anyway (although probably not QUITE the same WAY), since my job cut me to three days a week, then finally laid me off for approx. two weeks (maybe). I'm currently trying to find another job.
-Started seeing this girl who is fun, but WAY too into me. She told me she had herpes AFTER we slept together several times (thank God for condoms). I forgave her for not telling me, but it still bugs me slightly. Also, she's really really REALLY not for me. The crap thing is that A) she's an emotional eater and already overweight, so if I break things off, she's going to get VERY depressed and start eating. Not good. B) she's got like ZERO self esteem as it is, and I fear my ending things would only make things worse. C) Part of me wants to continue seeing her, but part of me really doesn't. She's also the only one I have to hang out with right now. Noah's really busy, and as I said, I've lost several friends.
-My stepdad most likely has testicular cancer.
-My stepdad is a grade A asshole and I want to knock his face in most of the time. Issues with him and my mom have made us begin to figure out a plan to get her and my little bro the hell out of here.
-I'm beginning things to get back into college, but I still have no direction. I want to study photography one day, writing the next, and the weekends I reserve for my "I wanna be a filmmaker" whining. *sigh*
-I cut my hair, so I no longer look like a q-tip.
-My car has gotten slightly worse, and since I have no income, I cannot get it fixed.
-My desire for a certain Canadian has grown exponentially.
-My depression over losing a certain Canadain has grown exponentially.
-Found out my friend Chris is living in Canada with his girlfriend. Promptly became insanely jealous.
-I had really good lasagna.
-I am honest to God fearing February 14th. For those who don't know, I have a silly little curse to have awful awful mind altering BAD DAYS on V-Day. Many of you say "OH, it can't be that bad." I'm here to tell you that, yes, it is that bad. Worse, sometimes.
-Went to Seattle for New Years with previously mentioned girl. Meh.
-OH, I moved back in with my parents, so I feel confined, everything I own is either in the garage in boxes, or in here and reeking of smoke (including me) 24/7. I also must deal with the attrocity that is dial up internet (yes, I'm a high speed snob).
-I once again contracted strep throat Friday before last. I'm much better now, but still on penicillin. I've decided to get my tonsils removed once I have the means (i.e. insurance, which who the hell knows when that will be?).
-I have been bored to absolute tears for weeks.
-My back has gone out again. Today I wanted to scream everytime I went from a squatting or sitting position to standing and then walking (which was only like seventy GAZILLION TIMES). And I get to do it all over again tomorrow.
-I bought new boots because my old ones wore a hole in the sole.
-Ryhmed the above sentence.
-Bitched alot.
-Wanted to get so drunk I can't feel my hands, but can't.

So, all in all, 2005 has not impressed me so far. And it's only January. >_<

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Wed, 15 Dec 2004 00:11:01 GMT

OKAY.

WOUND UPDATE. Today I walked RIGHT into this (thankfully) blunt hook and it scratched, bruised, and CUT RIGHT NEAR MY EYE. It's like the 3423748923784th time I've come within a half inch of losing my right eye. *fear* Also, in the course of things, I banged up my hands another 7 or 8 times, and they hurt. One especially. *SIGH* I hate jobs that mutilate me.

ANYWHO. I'm about to head to my mom's (Pray for me) and get something from my aunt so I can change the name on my car title and finally have a car that is COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY MINE. MWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Hopefully, mom and I can work a little on my appeal of termination from the Art Institute so I can maybe get back there in April. Yeah, it's a lie. SO WHAT?!?!?! Appeals don't sound very good when they go "Yeah, um, so I was a dumbass and instead of taking time off from school or withdrawing (because the program I was in wasn't what I wanted and you don't offer film), I decided it'd be REAL SMART to simply NOT GO ANYMORE. Yeah, so, you kicked me out (rightly so) and I want back in. Pwetty Pwease?"

*SMACKS SELF* OW. Another wound.

I was thinking today...I'll go to the Art Institute and take a learnin' from them on that thar photo-graphy and then, hopefully, LEAVE WASHINGTON IN RUINS!!! MWAH HAHAHAHHHAAHA!! Okay okay, maybe just leave Washington. I'm so fucking tired of this state, which sucks, cuz all of my friends are here (except three: two in Utah...damn mormoms...and one in D.C.). BUT....I need OUT OF WASHINGTON. *cries* I want to go so many places and being here just isn't working for me. So, maybe I'll become like some kickass photographer, bang a sexy model, make lots of cash, and travel the world wearing Armani and treading upon red carpets.

Please, nobody wake me up. PLEASE. I'm having a nice dream...lol.

Friday, December 10, 2004

Fri, 10 Dec 2004 07:40:24 GMT

OKAY. PROOF that Noah is a serious bastard.

Okay, we were talking about a girl I'm interested in, whether or not I should pursue it.

TomBombadil19: dude, whats teh worst that could happen!
TomBombadil19: lol
TomBombadil19: at least she likes you!
EnSabaNur: The worst that could happen?? Do I HAVE to answer that?
EnSabaNur: lol
TomBombadil19: yes.
EnSabaNur: lol jeez
TomBombadil19: (i don't personally see anything bad happening)
EnSabaNur: Well, here's the worst that could happen...absolute worst.
EnSabaNur: well, short of anyone dying.
TomBombadil19: lol
EnSabaNur: The two of us could hit it off, fall in love, and she could dump me really hard. I'd be even more fucked up than I am now.
EnSabaNur: Unlikely, yes, but still. Worst case scenario.
TomBombadil19: No...
TomBombadil19: one more thing
TomBombadil19: she could leave you for a girl
EnSabaNur: ROFL I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!!!
EnSabaNur: lol
TomBombadil19: rofl
EnSabaNur: YOu're such a bastard!!!!!
TomBombadil19: sorry, i seriously could not help it.
EnSabaNur: *seriuously cracking up now*
TomBombadil19: lool
TomBombadil19: rofl
TomBombadil19: (i'm trying not to laugh to loud)
EnSabaNur: OMG I HATE YOU YOU FUCK
EnSabaNur: ME TOO
TomBombadil19: lol
TomBombadil19: roflmao
EnSabaNur: you son of a bitch....lol

What an ass. I love him though. Fucker.

Anyway, this week has been screwy. After being on swing, I'm now on days, effective TOMORROW. It's 12:35am, I have to be up around 4-5am, and then to work at 7. So, I'm going to be DEAD TIRED.

The good news is...I GET TO GO TO THE PARTY TOMORROW!!! YEE-MOTHERFUCKING-HAW!!! SEE YOU TOMORROW BITCHES!!!!

Smoke.

SMOKE.

ARE YA SMOKIN' YET?!!?

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Thu, 09 Dec 2004 10:29:49 GMT

OKAY. Bitching to commence in TEN...NINE...

eightsevensixfivefourthreetwooneNOW

DAMMIT. Okay, I just got home from work...well, not JUST. About an hour ago. I was absolutely BUG FUCK FILTHY, so I took a shower and washed God knows HOW much shit outta my hair ALONE. I'm covered by various open wounds (about 7 of them occured TONIGHT) which STUNG LIKE A THOUSAND WHITE HOT BEE ASSES when the fucking water hit them. My hand hurt like hell ALL night from sandblasting (the sand in the gloves rubbing my hands raw...and getting even MORE wear and tear from the metal banding I was using). My neck is still sore from that 7 pound hunk of shit called a helmet I have to wear. My shoes have sand in them. My hands are MEGA dry and I have no lotion. I'm tired as hell.

AND I GET TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN TOMORROW.

Luckily, I'm back to days on Monday. I won't be sandblasting, which is both good and bad. Good, because I HATE HATE HATE FUCKING LOATHE sandblasting. Bad, because methinks I won't get paid as much. Oh well. At least I might continue to have some semblance of a social life.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY NEXT BITCHING. I wanted so much to go to the Xmas party on Friday. I wanted to see everyone (one in particular) and hang out with friends and just overall have a good time. BUT...I'm working 'till 1am, which means I won't be home until almost 2am. So, if anyone is still 'round, I'll see them...but, my hopes aren't up.

GAH. I'm going to bed now. Somebody get drunk for me tonight. Laid too, if possible.

OH. And I've been depressed most of the week. Hoorah.

Monday, December 06, 2004

Mon, 06 Dec 2004 05:33:38 GMT

Well, tomorrow starts my new job. Wish me luck! I'll post again letting you know how it was.

Toodles!

Friday, December 03, 2004

Fri, 03 Dec 2004 07:48:04 GMT

CHRIST I'm bored.

Well, on the upside, I got a job. However, it's another fucking machine shop. Again, a plus, I'm getting paid $10/hr, more than I was making at my last job. However, another downer: I start at 6:45am in RENTON. ACK!!! It's early mornings for me!

I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored. Anyone know anything to do that's interesting? I've got real shitty writer's block. I don't feel like drawing or reading. Movies have started to bore me. The only thing I can think of is looking more into photography.

OH!! I forgot. My new kick is photography. I've always enjoyed it, and had a strong interest in it, but no experience or knowledge. I know how to crop images (another hobby) and basic composition, but not the lighting and other photography techniques. I used to attend the Art Institute of Seattle for computer animation and video production, but dropped out. I recently called them to see if there's a possibility for me to come back and maybe study photography, and I got a call today (unfortunatly I didn't get it) from AIS. They want to set up an interview to discuss options of how to return. Wish me luck. I'd really like to get into school again, but I've just been fluxuating so much on what I want to do. The filmmaker idea is still there, but it's incredibly competetive. To be honest, a career in any art medium is. I also just don't know if that's what I want anymore. It boils down to the fact that I love telling stories. I thought about looking into studying creative writing, but I don't know if I've got the talent or brain power to succeed at it.

Ugh. Basically, I feel I have just enough talent in things to hold a strong interest in them. However, I don't feel like I have the talent to be able to DO them professionaly. I haven't written anything worthwhile in months. Same with my drawing, which I used to do DAILY. Filmmaking...I dunno. Same with photography. I hate working in machine shops. THAT much I know. I'm already feeling like I'm not going to escape them. I need to go to school, but what to do? Where to go? *sigh*

I hate not having direction.

Monday, November 29, 2004

Mon, 29 Nov 2004 00:51:47 GMT

Can I just say how much I love Italian women?

Monica Bellucci aka Persephone from "The Matrix Reloaded"

And Cristina Scabbia, the lead singer from Lacuna Coil.

HOT. ITALIAN. WOMEN. Maybe it's my preference for brunettes, although green-eyed redheads are a notch above (all other redheads are tied with blondes, a half notch below brunettes, no offense Sarah), but I just think Italian women are so beautiful and sexy. Sorry, I've been bored, and looking at Google a lot.

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Sat, 27 Nov 2004 23:34:25 GMT

I'M SO FRIGGING BORED.

I've been going to the hospital to visit my mom (she had a hystorectomy (sp) and is doing fine), and I come home to emptiness! I'M BORRRRRRRRRRED!!!

Also, the job hunt is on hold until Monday. I'm not about to go out in the crazy crowds this weekend and look for a job. And I can't call unemployment till Monday, so I'm in a holding pattern. Gah.

BORED BORED BORED. Maybe I'll abuse Noah...hee hee.