So I would def have to say that this Christmas was one of the best because I got to spend Christmas Eve with my mom and my dad.  One of the things I hate about the holidays is I have to schedule a certain amount of time to spend with my mom and a certain amount of time with my dad.  But on Christmas Eve my dad actually invited my mom over to spend Christmas Eve with us, which was so much fun.  We had so much fun…my dad and brother were drinking together and we were all dancing.....and my parents are def some crazy dancers, especially my dad…I don’t know where he gets some of his moves from but it’s entertaining to watch him for sure haha.  Then we opened presents with my dad in the morning and then went to my mom’s later on for dinner of Christmas day.  I got a lot of nice stuff…an easel and all these water colors and pastels and oil paints….I’m really into that kinda thing now so that’s what I asked for..plus some really cute clothes.  I can’t wait to go to Mexico on the 2^nd….I’m going with my mom, my brother, and Scott…that’s basically our Christmas present and I can’t wait to lay out and get some color cuz I’m sooo pale.

Anyway last night I went to a club which was really fun.  I saw some guys from high school and we ended up dancing with them all night.  And Scott came and is def a really cute drunk dancer, except his hands fly all over the place and he smacks random people in the face haha. Once we left the club that def wasn’t fun at all.  My brother and I ended up hitting eachother and getting into a pretty serious fight…and that really really upset me all day today, and I haven’t really talked to him about it yet cuz I don’t know how for one and two I just want to forget about it.

I’m still not sure what I’m doing for New Years…I might go to this cabin in the mountains but I’m not sure because we would be coming home on the 1^st and leaving to go to Mexico on the 2^nd and it might be to rushed…So I haven’t really decided yet.

And I’ve decided that I am a really confused person.  I don’t know what I want and I don’t know how I feel about anything…and I think that makes me a weak person…Like the quote says “If you don’t stand for anything, you will fall for everything”…..It’s not that I necessarily stand for nothing…but I’m so willing to forget myself and focus on other people.  Like with friendships and what not I tend to lose myself in that person…and all I care about is them.  I def think I’m a caring person, and the people that mean the world to me I would do anything for…but I don’t know.  And my friends seriously mean everything to me, the few true ones I have, and no matter what I will always love them and I will always be there for them.  I have so much hope that sometimes I think it may be too much and it’s just blinding me from reality….but have you ever had a feeling and you don’t know what it means or why you have it but it’s just telling you something and you have to go with it…It’s unexplainable, but it’s there, and only you can feel it and only you can go with it or choose not to…it’s weird I don’t know how to explain it.  I’m fighting for something and I’m not sure why…but something is telling me to keep fighting.  There’s times when I wanna give up, when I wanna give up on life, on everything, just break down and cry and stay locked in my room forever  and just disappear…..but it’s this hope that keeps me alive….maybe good things are yet to come….that’s what I tell myself. 

So yesterday I went to the mall with Shawna and the most embarrassing thing happened.  I decided to wear these boots that I never really wear to the mall to walk around in, which was probably not such a smart idea after all….because I’m walking UP the stairs at the mall and I fell!!  See nothing like that has ever happened to me before.  It’s just one of those things that people hope never happens because it’s pretty embarrassing ya know.  And if you saw someone else fall or trip or whatever it’s pretty funny and you laugh and think “sucks for them” or “glad that wasn’t me” or “how embarrassing” or “wow that person must feel like an ass”….Well yea I def fell.  I don’t really know what happened.  I was kind of trotting up the stairs and I guess the bottom of my boots were slippery since I don’t wear them a lot.  And as I’m coming up to the top stair I just slipped and fell right on my ass.  And I just sat there for a minute or so cuz I really didn’t know what to do and everyone was def looking at me.  And I’m sure my face turned red and then I think I just started laughing, got up, and continued on my merry way…..and sorry Shawna cuz I probably embarrassed you to haha.  Yesterday I was just such a klutz.  But ya know maybe no one knew you were with me haha.  Anyway…I’m going to my dad’s tonight for Christmas Eve, so that should be fun. 

MeRrY cHrIsTmAs EvErYoNe!!!

AnD hApPy HoLiDaYs!!!

I Love My Family & My Friends!!!

So last night was def a crazy night.  First I went to church with Shawna and they had it set up differently with couches like right up in the front all around the stage where the band plays.  So we sat on this couch at church, which was kind of different.  And we sang Christmas carols and what not…but there were these girls sitting next to us on the couch who could not sing if their lives depended on it and it was really annoying because they were singing completely out of pitch and I just wanted to yell at them haha.  But anyway…let me get to the interesting part….So we are driving home and we pass this abandon beer store parking lot and Shawna says “Oh my god is that guy hurting that girl?” And I didn’t see what she was talking about so we turned around and pulled right into this parking lot.  Well in the parking lot there’s this guy who’s all over this woman and the woman is crying and pushing him away and all her stuff is all over the ground, like her purse and a bunch of Christmas present.  So we are both like freaking out in the car, just sitting there in shock watching this guy harass this woman.  So Shawna says “roll down the window”….but I was def too afraid to roll down the window so I was like “NO”.  So then all the sudden the woman starts running and the man is chasing her.  And the woman runs into a 7-Eleven near by and it turns out the man in the 7-Eleven didn’t speak a word of English so he couldn’t help her because he had no clue what she was saying.  So Shawna tries to call 911 on her cell but it got disconnected and then I called on mine and got through.  Shawna runs into the 7-Eleven to figure out what township we are in and the dumb guy still has no clue what we are saying, so we drive down to the nearest intersection and tell the operator what street we are on and all and finally they show up.  Well we drive back to the parking lot and these people are gone and we can’t fine them anywhere.  Then I see this thing laying on the ground and it’s a box of chocolates that the woman left behind…so I picked it up and gave it to the officer and then they went looking for this couple and actually found them at a tavern up the road fighting…..and that’s basically the end of the story.  We really wanted to know what was gonna happen or what was happening in the first place, but the cops just told us to go home…which was kind of a let down, but whatever….I’d like to think that we saved a woman’s life…it just makes us sound cool…don’t ya think??

So after that we went to this restaurant to visit Matt.  Which was pretty cool because I haven’t seen him in awhile.  Well we got there and it turns out the restaurant is closed, but luckily they let us in.  Shawna wanted to ask Matt to hang out and I came along for moral support.  So we walk in and Matt sees us and you should’ve seen his face haha…it was the funniest thing.  And I’m not sure if it was a “oh my gosh I’m so happy to see you” face or a “what the hell are you doing here” face.  But anyway we chilled there for awhile and I had a beer while Shawna enjoyed a glass of water with a shit load of lemon haha.  And then we came back to my house to watch a movie and I fell asleep and woke up to COMPLETELY FAIL my Bio final today…I really hope I pass that class.  This is a really boring entry…but hopefully my life will get more exciting so I can make these entries a little more entertaining….SEE YA

Hey Scott you better watch out you cash hungry mother fucker…..I LOVE YOU!!!!

Sc0ttS423 (7:37:59 PM): u motherfucking unemployed shower asshole…….

BAND GUYS DRIVE ME CRAZY!

**~WhO iS yOuR eVeRyThInG??~**

~**Find me here

Speak to me

I want to feel you

I need to hear you

You are the light

That is leading me

To the place where

I find peace again

You are the strength

That keeps me walking

You are the hope

That keeps me trusting

You are the life to my soul

You are my purpose

You are everything

And how can I

Stand here with you

And not be moved by you

Would you tell me

How could it be

Any better than this

You calm the storms

You give me rest

You hold me in your hands

You won’t let me fall

You still my heart

And you take my breath away

Would you take me in

Would you take me deeper now

‘Cause you’re all I want

You are all I need

You are everything

Everything~**