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ErvineCA
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Name: B-rian
Country: United States
State: Kansas
Metro: Lawrence
Birthday: 1/23/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: I just wanna dance!
Expertise: Jack of many trades, not particularly good at any of 'em.
Occupation: Unemployed/Between Jobs
Industry: Media
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  briervy
Member Since:
1/2/2004
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| Overland Park is home to some of the world's dumbest people. Especially
the people who live in Overland Park and are between the ages of
20-30. If you fall in this demographic, you have no reason to
ever do more than pass through here. I hate Overland Park.
It took me 24 hours to get completely fed up this time. Let me
tell you a little story about the kind of people I'm talking about.
On a Monday night at 11:30 I was driving home after seeing a couple of
buddies of mine for a few hours. They have jobs here, so our
nights ended early. I was minding my own business, singing along
to my music with the windows down probably going 3 or 4 miles under the
speed limit. I pulled up to a stoplight next to this white Jeep
with 4 half-naked, obviously drunk 22-25 year-old guys in it. I
turned right at the light and apparently they then crossed 2 lanes to
turn right as well. I noticed I was going a little under the
speed limit, I was just cruising and was in no hurry to get home, but
then I thought it a little weird that the car behind me hadn't passed
me. I approached the next stoplight and sat there for a few
uninterrupted seconds when all of a sudden one of the half-naked guys
ran in front of my car and threw a bag of flour at my windshield.
He then threw himself onto my car to smear it all over, picked up the
half full broken bag and throws it at the side of my car. My
windows are open, mind you, so now there's flour all over the seats,
floors, dash, and myself. I looked back and noticed they'd
squirted mustard all over the rear window and backseat passenger
window. The guy is still running around my car screaming in
celebration of vandalizing my Dad's car. This guy doesn't know
me, nor my dad, and neither does anyone else in the car. I didn't
get their plate #. I called the police, but I was too shocked to
think to follow them and get their plate. That, and there was
flour all over my windshield and I couldn't see. I at least wish
I would have gotten the baseball bat out of the back seat and started
walking over to their car to scare them out of doing that to someone
else tonight. There was one other car at the intersection.
After the Jeep sped off they pulled into the middle of the
intersection, stopped and talked to me. The man and woman in the
car asked me if I knew those guys, and I told them, "no." They
shook their heads and sped off like they were going to try and catch
their plate #. Those two made me feel a lot better.
Now let me make some generalizations about these four badasses.
They were best friends in high school. They first bonded over
snapping towels at the asses of smaller kids in gym class. The
only kind of humor they appreciate or comprehend is making fun of other
people. In high school, they sat at their own little table
everday at lunch and deemed themselves "the Popular Ones."
Everyone hated them in high school. They drink more beer than
you. They brag that they drink more beer than you. They
don't see the point in treating a woman right. They have
herpes. A couple of them have part-time jobs at Walgreens,
another one of them works weekends at TGI Fridays, and the third one has
been between jobs for some time now, but makes a little money on the
side by selling pot. They went to Johnson County Community
College for 2 years or less, and after that moved into fairly expensive
apartments that their parents pay for. In their free time they
reminisce about "the glory days" at Shawnee Mission Blahblahblah.
The tell the same stories and make fun of the same people that forgot
about them years ago. From a fiscal perspective these guys live a
good life. A good life they don't deserve and didn't earn.
If and when they finally learn to cool it, they'll get a job with the
businesses their respective fathers own and will continue to live a
good life when they marry trashy gold-digging women who they'll cheat
on. They'll continue to get drunk together every week for the
rest of their lives. If they ever move out of Overland Park,
they'll move to Leawood. They've never had any dreams or
aspirations. They've lived their entire lives trying to impress
each other or others like them with idiotic antics that make other
people unhappy. They'll never change. If one of them does,
the others will trash talk him over drinks for a couple of years and
then they'll forget about him. If their sons are ever smart
enough to get into a university, they'll join fraternities and become
just like their fathers. If their daughters are smart enough to
get into a university, they'll join sororities and fall in love with,
get STD's from, and eventually marry guys just like their fathers,
whilst becoming gold-digging bitches like their mothers.
I hate it here.
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| Naked and in high heels I was
sitting at my coffee shop downtown today.
There’s this loft right above it and I can always hear somebody moving
around up there. Sometimes it’s kind of
annoying, because I’m trying to study, or maybe I’m just listening to music,
but I’m sipping on my coffee and there’s all this moving around going on up
there. It’s a really old place so the
floor is quite creaky. Anyway, today
there was somebody moving around up there.
It was interesting, though.
Thing is, by the way the steps sounded, you could tell it was a
woman. And you could tell she was
wearing high heels. She was walking
swiftly and confidently, back and forth up there in her little apartment in
high heels in the middle of the day.
She didn’t have to go to work or anything, because there she was, in her
high heels. I don’t know why, but I
wondered if she was cooking something.
Maybe she was going to have guests later and she was preparing this big
dinner party. Of course, she could have
been just trying on new outfits, I know how girls make a big production of
doing that sometimes. Or, you know,
maybe she was just walking around up there naked in her high heels. She could have been this devastatingly beautiful,
young woman walking around, naked, in the middle of the day with high heels
on. Maybe she wasn’t all that
beautiful. Maybe she was just this
average woman. This very average woman
who needed a little esteem boost on this particular day. She could have just been dumped, or maybe
some jerk said something mean to her, like that she needed to lose weight, or
she wasn’t pretty enough for him or something and, today, it made her feel
better to be up there walking around in high heels, naked. And you know, she probably wasn’t as
skinny as she wanted to be, or maybe not as pretty. She had these prominent hips and cute, chubby arms, but she
wasn’t fat. Just a healthy, womanly
endowment of fat. Earlier in the day
she’d spent an hour at the gym doing crunches to burn off that little layer of
lipid on her stomach, covering those supermodel abs. Thing was, she knew she had a pair of stellar legs. Very well toned calf muscles and the perfect
plumpness in her thighs, so when she was feeling bad, she’d often don these
very classy high heels and walk around her apartment, making sure to pass the
full-length mirror a couple of times.
Truth is, she’s probably a very attractive woman. But maybe not everybody can see that. Facially, her features aren’t that
distinct. She’s the type of person that
when you meet her, you swore you’ve met her before, so the meeting doesn’t
carry the same excitement and novelty as when meeting other people for the
first time. It’s the story of her life
that she’s been taken for granted. But
when she sweeps her stray hairs, back across her face, and tucks them neatly
behind her ears, it reveals two very large, blue, powerful eyes. They offer stark juxtaposition on her meek
face. Her eyes house real,
concentrated, knock-you-out beauty meanwhile giving her a constant glow of
innocence. She doesn’t wear much
makeup, and honestly, she doesn’t need to because of those gorgeous eyes. Given that the composition of her face is
dominated by her eyes, some people think she’s a little bit funny looking, but
I don’t. Really, she’s perfect. She’s this very quintessential woman with
prominent hips, modest belly fat, and dizzyingly beautiful eyes set off by
natural, dark blonde, dish-water colored, straight, silky hair. Her bangs are always getting in her face and
sticking to her lip gloss, and as a result of laziness or indifference, she has
a habit of chewing her locks the way a little girl does. She keeps mostly to herself. She goes out plenty and has some great
friends, but when she’s at a party where she doesn’t know everyone extremely
well, she’s often that girl sort of on the outside of the conversation, who
idly giggles at things that are mildly amusing, but doesn’t really say
much. She never aggressively demands
attention. Some people who have known
her over the years have thought her a little odd, but that’s not a fair
qualification.
Today she
needed a little confidence boost. So
there she was, walking around, a couple of feet over my head, naked and in high
heels while I sipped on my coffee. I
sort of loved her in that moment. | | |
| I think I was 16 when I wrote this, and I think I even posted this here
a few years ago, but I stumbled across it today and was amazed that
despite how much I've changed, some things are more the same than
ever. Now, admittedly it's a little silly and I recognize that I
was trying a little hard to use words that I thought would make me
sound smart rather than words that necessarily fit the piece, but the
ideas and images I was trying to portray in this little thing here are
still the ideas and images that make me the most happy. That
brighten my days. That excite me into breathing a little deeper,
holding it for a second, and really taking things in. Anyway, to
this day this might be one of my favorite little pieces of my writing
(though hopefully not the best.) I present it to you, without
edits...
"Everyday Miracles"
I lay blissfully outstretched, raised high above
the crowds, on top of the world when I saw her. She, too, lay higher, separate from the masses as our paths crossed
in a bittersweet twist of fate.
I catch a glimpse of her angelic
face, innocent and sweet. I look on as
her joy is interrupted by distress. She
slips helplessly, about to be swallowed by the violent current of men. I instinctively reach for her and I, too,
fall. I wrap my arms around her in an
attempt to save her from the inevitable descent; such a utopian state should
not be disturbed. We pass below the
thousands we seemed to rule above just moments ago. My head and body strike the ground, and again she lay innocent
and unharmed. I help her up and we
share a brief moment.
We stand, float, and rise above the
crowd once again, until we are alone.
She, the stars, and I.
Time seemed to pause in this most
improbable assembly. Then, as suddenly
as the encounter began, it was concluded by the voice of a man below. Again we fell, this time slowly, toward the
crowd, and before I could gather myself she was gone. She retook her position high above me, carrying on in the same
innocent, glorious fashion as when our trails first collided.
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| I'm in love with the fact that all it takes to completely
fall in love with a girl is a single whiff of her perfume. Or a
private smile on a downturned face, grudgingly opening a window for
everyone to see into her engaged mind. Or a simple, innocent,
honest expression as her wide eyes sweep across the room and
coincidentally land on yours. It simulates that part of you that
only knows the ideal. Forgetting that most girls, and maybe even
this girl, aren't worth your time, you find intimacy with a stranger.
And on some days, most days, that's as much romantic
excitement as your life will stir up, so you can't help but be thankful
and savor every one them.
I can't decide if this is silly or not. Sometimes I
wonder what the girl woud think if she knew what you were thinking
about her? Hopefully she'd be flattered. Maybe even feel
reciprocal upon discovering that she had so unwittingly, and in a
moment she never would have thought herself to be seductive, caught
your affections. Still, when taking a step back I can't argue
that it's not a little creepy. Probably some girls would feel
that way.
I think if you're lucky enough or smart enough, you can
seize on these moments and maybe even get the girl's name. Maybe
that's what they mean by "love at first sight." I'm going to
assume that's what that means. Anyway maybe I could be one of
those guys if I didn't immediately retreat into my fantasies where I've
already begun to play out entire relationships - inside jokes, favorite
places to eat, the context of our first kiss and when we plan to start sleeping together.
It's amazing how it's all so sudden and so intense and so
ephemeral. And then you're supposed to go on with your day.
And most of the time you do. Women are such amazing creatures,
and I wish they'd realize that more often. I think if they did
we'd all see less bitchiness and fewer lower-back tattooes, pairs of
over-sized sunglasses, and greek letters strewn across campus
asses.
I wish everyone could be aware when a stranger is having a
moment like this about them. There would be a whole lot more
love-making, but I don't think the world can handle that much
honesty. So many people live their entire lives hiding from
honesty, though they'd never realize it. Instead of taking life as it is, they hide in
perceived awkwardness. Newsflash, world: People are
awkward. We will continue to be awkward as long we see the world
from only 1 set of eyes. Maybe someday we'll jump this hurdle,
but for now, deal with it.
Anyway, if you're a woman, and you're reading this, you
should know that you are amazing. And beautiful. And
inspiring. And if you don't have someone telling you that
already, someone's thinking it. Have a good day.
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| Despite some drama in the latter rounds, I'd have to say I
enjoyed last night's 2 or 3 hours of theatre-kid-freestyle-rap-battles
waged over Jordy's loop station. No personality quirk, no
race/ethnicity/religion, no little-known stupid offense, whether it be
from yesterday or years ago, was safe. Alleged penis sizes?
Check. Me being an irreversible dork? Check. Jordy
being Jewish? Check. Brandon not wearing underwear
twice? Of course! Bashing of cerain old flames?
Rampant, a few got picked on quite badly. Brady's passing out
drunk on a campus bench? Yep. Brady's "drunken conquest" one night
in Hutch last year? Uh huh. Brady's drunkenly putting a plastic
bag over his head and almost killing himself on Thursday night had Ben
and I not been there to rip it off of him (afterwards he told us, "I
couldn't breathe!")? ..It was widely asserted that Brady drinks
alcohol sometimes.
I also rapped about Harry Potter a couple of times to what I'll call
"mixed reviews"... For the most part, hilarity ensued, and
considering the volume of insults, only a little bit of fierce,
unchecked fury.
Anyway! Today being such a beautiful day, I walked down to JB's
for an Iced Alexander and headed over to the Lawrence Public Library's
"Friends of the Library Book Fair!", and I proudly give it the
prestigious "Brian Stamp of Overwhelming Approval!" It was really
awesome, actually. Many classic novels (not to mention poetry,
academic writings, crappy porn novels, coffee table books, VHS tapes of
Disney classics, and much MUCH MORE) can be more or less stolen for
around 75 cents! I came home with 8 books and spent a grand total
of $9.80! Here's what I brought home:
--The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (something I had been lacking until now, this accounted for $5 of $9.80)
--A separate book of Shakespeare's Sonnets with notes, indecies, room for annotation, and a more convenient size! (30 cents)
--The Heart of Darkness, Joeseph Conrad
--A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, James Joyce
--Walden Two (A controversial novel by B.F. Skinner, perhaps the most important psychologist of the 20th century, about a scientifically-induced Utopia.. 50 cents)
--a book examining the psychology of sports (motivation, aggression,
coaching, etc. probably good for an interesting excerpt or two)
--and a couple of photography books, one a portfolio of neat! black and white
photos, the other of a more instructional variety (for kicks)
Anyway, I think it's running through the next week, and if you have the time, you should probably check it out.
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