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| "I had made a valuable acquisition. But I had lost something, too. . . (once) I stood like one bewitched. I drank it in, in a speechless rapture. . . (now) All the value any feature of it had for me now was the amount of usefulness it could furnish. . . Doesn't he sometimes wonder whether he has gained most or lost most by learning his trade?" -Clemens | | |
| Carpe diem My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow; | | |
| An English professor at an American University:
"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to their right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
(Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
(Jim) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17", he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
(Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed hurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
(Jim) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mother ship launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
(Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature.
My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
(Jim) Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*CKING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
(Rebecca) Ass hole.
(Jim) Bitch.
(Rebecca) Wanker.
(Jim) slut.
(Rebecca) Get f*cked.
(Jim) Eat sh!t.
(Rebecca) F*CK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
(Jim) Go drink some tea - whore.
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(Teacher) A+ - I really liked this one | | |
| We wear the mask that grins and lies, It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes, This debt we pay to human guile; With torn and bleeding hearts we smile, And mouth with myriad subtleties. Why should the world be over-wise, In counting all our tears and sighs? Nay, let them only see us, while We wear the mask. We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries To thee from tortured souls arise. We sing, but oh the clay is vile Beneath our feet, and long the mile; But let the world dream otherwise, We wear the mask. ~Paul Lawrence Dunbar | | |
| SADDER DAYS Saturday what a day what a silly little day
Time to kill take a pill as i sit and contemplate
How I'd like to be around all the people in the town with their fancy cars and things
But I've got time
Stop pushin all your tragedies away
Each moment has got a lesson for the day
Take something with you if you drag your heels in yesterdays
Oh these saturdays In the haste in the grace I've been up to my waist
It isn't real what you feel when you find love in a chase
I've been waiting for the day when someone takes me away and I never get replaced
But I've got time
Stop pushin all your tragedies away
Each moment has got a lesson for the day
Take something with you if you drag your heels in yesterdays
Oh these saturdays
As I sink one more drink I am running out of ink
Feeling void paranoid about every little thing
And I wonder if I try to get up and say goodbye if I'll have the strength to leave
Cuz I don't have much time anymore | | |
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