Currently Watching Lewis Black - Unleashed By Lewis Black see related

In Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince, the character Snape kills the character Dumbledore. 

Grow up and read real literature.

BTW to all of the dicks that accuse me of reading the book to obtain the above knowledge, no.  It was clearly posted in the comments in the below posts.

Currently Watching Army of Darkness (Boomstick Edition) By Bruce Campbell see related

I've been nagged quite a bit about the content on my site.  Most people complain that the site is very disgusting, that I've alluded to beastiality with a shit-eating labrador and the pillar of greatness that is the Fresh Prince himself, Big Willy Smith.  But more than anything, the incredibly-productive readers of this blog have complained that I bitch about everything I see, without ever offering something better.  Well, everyone, I'm here to offer you my personal idea on a new television pilot that I'm developing in association with UPN.  It's called...

Great fucking concept right?  Well, the concept is me just porking Alba.  Call me Jessica.

Currently Listening The Roots Come Alive [Limited Edition Double CD] By The Roots You Got Me see related

Probably the first time I've had access to a computer for a week.  There have been a couple of comments since I've been gone, and a couple of things that have pissed me off.  Read on my loyal fanbase.

-To the Burton-obsessed girl who commented on my rant, thank you for being both cuth and well-spoken.  For someone who probably has a completely diametrically-opposed opinion to mine, you presented yourself with grace and an argument that's hard to put down.  Thank you.

-There's nothing sadder than making a Xanga account solely to post a comment.  Proving you have neither a coherent opinion nor significant events in your life is not flattering, and KoRn sucks.

Now that I've thanked and shunned those who needed it, I can get onto my next rant.

IF KIDS READ HARRY POTTER 6, THE TERRORISTS WIN

"It's as good as Lord of the Rings."-NY Times

"It's better than Charlotte's Web."-LA Times

"It's like the Bible for idiots."-Morgan Conner

"Compared to J.K. Rowling, F. Scott Fitzgerald seems like a fucking douchebag."-Kyle Nass

"It's a 599-page massage, followed with a 1-page happy ending."-Scott Findlay

"I think kids who read Harry Potter books are pussies."-Josh Conner

Armed guards.  Completely escorted and armored trucks carrying property so valuable that, if the terrorists were to get their hands on it, they may well turn the tide of the war that we're kind of in right now.  This kid.

Now, you'd think with all of this surplus security guarding A FUCKING CHILDREN'S BOOK, that maybe we'd be able to win the war on terror.  Well guess what?  Harry Potter sucks.  The most impossibly juvenile and stupid novels ever written, not to mention a LAME story about a kid growing up in high school.  You like high schoolers?  Go watch fucking Fresh Prince.  At least Will Smith could kick that pussy Potter's ass.  I believe Eric Cartman put it best when he said "I don't want to play Gay-Harry Pussy-Potter."  Bless you South Park.  So what have you learned?

Kick-ass

Sucks my ass.

Currently Watching The Daily Show with Jon Stewart - Indecision 2004 By Jon Stewart see related

For those of you who don't wish to read the following entry, it can be summed up rather quickly:  TIM BURTON SUCKS ASS.

Now onto the actual diatribe...

Those of you who know me very well know for a fact that I really like movies.  Part of liking these movies is wanting to preserve their real forms.  When I see a director rape and pillage a favorite movie of mine, I am appalled.  And there's no offender greater than the self-important Hollywood-dildo himself, Tim Burton.

1)

2)

Now which of the above men would you call Willy Wonka?  If you answer #1, then you have a working brain stem.  If you answer #2, then get the fuck out of the gene pool because I want nothing to do with you.

1)

2)

Now which of the above images represents Planet of the Apes?  If you say 1, then you again are cool.  If you say 2, then you again are retarded and aren't fit to mate with my labrador retreiver, and she's so dumb that she eats cat shit, so that should give you some image of what I think of you.  The next photo is a picture of Hack Burton with his favorite creation.

What a fucking dick.  Look at the smug-ass expression on his face, smiling because he knows that since he made 1 good movie(and that's because the lead character was Batman, not his direction), this next one will make a ton of money.  Bollocks.

The problem with douches like Burton is that they not only make shitty movies of their own(don't tell me the Wizard of Oz-coke fantasy Big Fish was good), but they have the pretension to take an older movie, like, I don't know, WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY, and "update" them into the modern day.  This shit pisses me off because Burton uses the excuse of them being "darker".  Guess what Burton?  Most people don't like darker or when a hack with Buckwheat-hair rapes their movie.  Darker is only for goths and art faggots who think that darker direction makes a movie better.  Fuck you Tim Burton.  Leave Gene Wilder alone.