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| Hey guys! It's been awhile since I blogged, so I thought I should.
I got a new layout -- to make things interesting again  Yes, unforch my xanga was getting a little boring. And besides, I'm so excited for winter!!! Summer was much too boring. Winter at Dartmouth should be interesting. 
Actually, nothing else has happened since I last blogged, so this might be a little bit pointless, but that's okay; deal with it 
So, I'm starting college soon. On September 4-8, I will be camping and hiking with a bunch of superkewl Dartmouth '11s! I'm really excited about that  It's going to be a blast, and I can't wait to meet new people/get together with the friends I made at Dimensions of Dartmouth '07. The only thing I'm not looking forward to, in terms of the Pre-Orientation Trips, is not being able to shower for five days ... eww 
And then, September 18th, I get to officially move-in to my superkewl East Wheelock dorm. My roommate sounds really nice. I've never met her, but we spoke on the phone. She's from Chicago! And we talked about stuff -- high school, the college admissions process, why we both chose Dartmouth ('cause it's superkewl!) Our dorm is pretty amazing too. We have a two-room double with our own full bathroom! That's pretty awesome -- it's like living in an apartment! One of the rooms (probably the one adjacent to the bathroom) is going to be our bedroom. And the other, slightly bigger room, is our livingroom/study. I'm thinking about bringing my fishie. He can live in the bathroom I'm sure my roomie would be okay with it. She's superkewl. It's a good thing we have our own bathroom. During Dimensions, I stayed with these girls who had a 3-room double. And they only had like 2 bathrooms to share with the entire third floor. Um, eww, lol, an entire floor's worth of germs. And secondly, you'd have to take showers at random hours, like 3 in the morning, to ascertain that the showers aren't crowded. Majorly inconvenient.
So, classes are starting September 26th, I believe. I didn't choose my classes yet. Hopefully, I won't get stuck in anything too difficult.
I've also decided not to keep a job during the first Term at least. While it's always nice to have money, I really do need to concentrate on school for once. And in addition, I'm not going to use instant messenger, anymore -- hey, that's what cell phones are for! I'm still going to use my facebook, to keep in touch with old friends, but not excessively, like I do now. And, I'll try to update my xanga more
And I'm definitely going to use snailmail a lot more!
Oh, and I have free long distance for my dorm room, so please please please call!
I'm still definitely scared, though, to be living on my own for more than a week. And everything feels so rushed. I definitely think we should have like 13th grade lol. I'm not ready for college ... even though I'm soo pumped for it.
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| Wow, I really haven't really written anything in my xanga in a really long time. And apparently, since then, I've become infatuated with the word "really." .. what?!
So let me [concisely] tell you about this past year of my life. Not that anyone really cares, but hey, why not. It's only 3am, and I can't fall asleep.
Okay, so, senior year has really been a huge disappointment. I thought it would be so much fun, and that I'd get to relax and go out with friends and not care about school anymore. Unfortunately, my friends decided that they were too cool for me, lol. Actually, we all kind of moved on to stuff and that made me really sad. Okay, allow me to explain, because I feel like you have no idea what I'm saying right now and that's perfectly logical, being as I don't even know what I'm talking about. So, I have these two friends, and I seriously grew up with them, having spent just about every single day with them, since middle school, throughout junior high and... well, then junior year of high school, we kind of just... stopped being so significant in one another's lives. And I'd been so sad about it. I'd sit at home with the phone, and I'd think "wow, wouldn't it be great if I could just call them right now and we could hang out and climb trees and be kids like we used to?" but I wouldn't dial, because I'd be too paranoid about not studying enough and letting my grades slip and getting my admissions decision rescinded. I wouldn't dial, because I'd think "they probably have better things to do than to deal with me." I wouldn't dial because I was afraid that they didn't want what I wanted -- to go back in time and to be the kids we were. In short, I never dialed, because I was a coward. And even during the summer without grades to worry about [that was the only legitimate excuse I had for not calling, anyway], I kept making excuses. And it wasn't until recently that we finally, through much hassle and planning and replanning, got together, right before we all had to go our separate ways. And I realized -- they're still amazing people. What did I ever do to deserve such great friends? And boy, was I a fool for not calling them. Because all three of us had sat at our respective domiciles with our phones, all of us hesitant to make that fateful phone call that could've bolstered our old-but-still-vivacious friendship beyond anything we'd ever known. And it's kind of amazing, that after all this, I can still honestly say that I can trust them completely and wholly with everything. Thank you, Ginger and Alina, I don't know what I would've done without you and your influences, growing up. And I don't know -- I think our childhood dream of going to UCLA together and being roommates isn't quite feasible at this point [I don't know if you've noticed but New Hampshire and Alaska aren't exactly southern California], but the fact that we could dream -- that is something you've given me that I'll never lose.
But in loss there is always gain. I've made so many more close friendships as I've matured last year and this year. People whom I had always referred to as "that girl in chem class" or "the dude with the mechanical pencils" or "the compulsive eraser-user who sits by me in bio who happens to be super-cute by the way" became real people. And I got to know you all a whole lot better. East Brunswick, in turn, has really become my home. It's hard to believe, now, that I had moved here a little less than 6 years ago. It feels like I've been here forever. And now I have to leave, and I'm not ready. It would be kind of nice to have just one more year of high school. To completely separate school and home for one more year. Time is unrelenting, though.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I can't write about it now, not yet. I need a few days to let it all sit and cool and solidify. Otherwise I just might go mad.
Losing. I've learned something about losing this year, especially from IPLE and from college admissions. And that is -- Losing really sucks. Which is why I must never lose again. Just kidding. Realistically, I know, sure as death and taxes, I will lose many many more times in my lifetime. But it still hurts and it still sucks. You win and you lose, but sometimes, it seems so unfair that some people win a lot more and lose a lot less than you. And, I'm not a jealous person, but...
I don't even want anything more. I just want to be happy with what I have. You learn so much in school -- laws of gravitation, integration by parts, the wars and battles of the past -- but you never learn to be happy; with what you have and what you know.
Let's see, what else happened this year? I found out that I'm really insecure. Seriously. I need to stop thinking that I should be anyone, I know that. But I hate being myself. Because myself is so insignificant. and myself never got anything done. I'm not fake. I don't try to be anyone. But I keep thinking that I should because someone else always is in a better position than I am. Sometimes someone else succeeds in something, and I know that they deserve it, and that makes me so mad because I wish that I'm deserving of success too, but I know I'm not because I'm so lazy and I don't care enough, but I really wish I did care and work hard and stuff, you know?
And guys -- guys are so aggravating. I don't know. There are so many guys out there who present themselves one way, and then turn out to be the complete opposite and it's not until you get to know them, get attached to them, that you find out that they're complete buttfaces. And all the nice ones -- they're inaccessible. Which is why I'm going to end up living alone for the rest of my life, maybe with a few dwarves.
Boy, it's late. I should go to bed. You should too. If you're reading this and you're heading off to college, I wish you the best of luck. And sorry you had to read all of that. I really like complaining a lot, so I've been told.
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