It's been awhile since I blogged... haven't had too much to say and I've been so busy with the baby.  But I got the most awful news that I've heard in a long time. The assistant pricipal of my high school, who was set to be principal this year, committed suicide. It's so strange. I would've thought that maybe after being unhappy when he left after my senior year of high school, that he would be happy to return to the school he loved and belonged to. But I guess it was too much. I almost felt like crying after one of my friends back in Wichita told me the news. He took the time to get to know each and every one of us. Northeast will be a very different place without him.

As Mr. Wessling would say, "Change the world for the better."

It only seems like I have a few more weeks to go and my son will be here. It's overwhelming, the thought that you are going to be handed a squirmy, wriggling, crying little human and you are now in charge of his whole entire well-being. Not to mention that in order to come into this world, he will be passing through your genitalia. My husband and I are excited, but very afraid. I mean hell, we don't know what we are getting ourselves into. But we can only strive to be the best parents we can be.

My sister in law, however, is another story. She's always been an angry person. And instead of taking her anger and focusing on raising her daughter and being the best mom she could be, she is still intent on punishing the people who she believes has done her wrong. It's very sad. I know that my mother was in the same place as my sister in law and when I was born, her whole life changed. I suppose some people never experience that epiphany. All I know is, that no parent, in whatever form is perfect, but they can choose to do right by their kids.

Currently Reading Collected Poems Reissue By Sylvia Plath see related

I've always had a fondness for sick, obsessive love songs. Garbage writes the best ones. And in thinking about obsessive love songs, I got to thinking about an old friend, someone I'll call Mr. X. Our relationship started out easy enough, going to high school together. I guess he always had a crush on me. We hooked up a few times, whatever. But after I became involved with my now husband, Mr. X never could deal with it. I'll admit, I thrust my hand into his chest and absolutely ripped out his heart and ate it in front of him. Not that he wasn't doing the exact same thing to poor girls around our hometown. You could say it was karma. As a matter of fact, I went on my first date with my husband while I was supposed to attend Mr. X's birthday. After my husband went to Iraq in 2004, things between Mr. X and I became complicated. He introduced me to the green stuff, I went looking for somebody to fill the void my husband left. Bad combination. Very bad combination. So what the Hell do Mr. X and obsessive love songs have in common? The idea that something incredibly toxic can be indulgent and beautiful, not to mention something that one needs. It's almost like a drug, you become obsessed and addicted. And the song mirrors your desperation. I haven't spoken to Mr. X since I moved to DC. Speaking to him is just asking for trouble. He tells you exactly what you want to hear and convinces you that he's genuine. So here's my picks for obsessive, desperate love songs.

"Bad Boyfriend", Garbage. This is so perfect because you know that the situation is bad for you but you just don't care. The emotional attachment sucks, but the sex is fantastic. Plus, there is the enevitable feeling nagging at you that you're not the only one, but at least your having fun some of the time.

"Love Song", The Cure. If one listens to the lyrics to this one, it pretty much speaks for itself. No matter what happens between the two, whether breakup, hatred, bitterness, you can't stop loving them and wanting the other person.

"Cup of Coffee", Garbage. The aftermath of despondence and despair when you're being broken up with. Everyone's been there. You want to wait by the phone, smoke you're ex's brand of cigarettes, and drive by their house. It can get kinda scary.

Currently Listening Encomium: A Tribute to Led Zeppelin By Various Artists Hey Hey What Can I Do see related

I heard from an old friend today. Tracy. It turns out that she got married and I'm really happy for her. Marriage is a complicated institution and you realize that both of you have no idea what you're doing. Compromise is something you've always heard your parents talk about, but once you sit down and hash that shit out, it's easier said than done. I remember going to another high school friends wedding and telling them that it's all about compromise, but later I noticed that Robert and I are unwilling to compromise on certain things. I can't really blame him for not knowing this concept, considering the fact that he has never had an example of watching a stable marriage during his childhood. The thing that pisses me off is that he LOVES ragging on my parents for having a flawed marriage, but at the same time they've remained together and still trust each other and are best friends. That's what I want for my own marriage. I want us to be loyal and be friends. But it just seems like a foreign concept to him.