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| EVERYONE COME BACK TO XANGA!!!!! I MISS IT! Please?
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| Give it all to Jesus: shattered dreams, wounded hearts, broken toys...I got an email from xanga saying they miss me. So here is a post!
I have been feeling somewhat stuck inside of myself lately.
I guess just feeling like I have allowed myself to become fearful of what God
had called me to because of my different trust issues. I so often forget that
He who calls me is faithful. Even though I can be so unfaithful- He is
faithful. Even though I can so often doubt who He is- He is still faithful. I
feel that a label has been placed on my life reading, “Victim of circumstance”.
I know that this is not the name my Father has called me by. Why then do I buy
into this lie? I have been so blessed by my God. Not only have I received blessing...
I have been shown immeasurable grace.
I have been convicted about my focus on my life—my focus on
my self—my circumstance. I feel that I so often allow my emotions to control
me, so often living by feelings rather than reality. God has been pulling me
out of this. He has been pulling me out of myself, really. It is as if He has
refocused my eyes… again… to be fixed on Him. I (far too often) lose sight of
what He has asked me to do, or where He has called me to serve, because I see
only what I have before me. I see my struggle, but He sees my potential. Only
God knows who He has created me to be. I only desire to live in God’s will for
my life. I desire to do what He has called for me. I really desire to just let
go and trust. In God’s faithfulness, He continually restores and refocuses me. I
am so undeserving of His love, yet He constantly brings me to new revelations
of love.
I thank God that He continues to remind me where I have come
from. This way I will always know that I could never be anything apart from His
grace and love for me. I am nothing without Him. I have no good in me. I so
desire to be consumed by God! I want to love with His love. I so desire to see
with His eyes…to touch with His hands… to feel with His heart. I so desire my life to proclaim the
glory of God! I want my life to only reflect my Jesus. I yearn for more of Him
and less of me. I know that I have nothing but myself to give to Him. I pray
that He will break my heart for the things that break His heart. I want to live
a life of brokenness, face down at His feet.
"From The
Inside Out" lyrics - by Hillsong (2006, Mighty to Save)
A
thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing you praise
In my heart, in my soul
I give you control
Consume me from the inside out
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring you praise
From the inside out of my soul
Lord my soul cries out | | |
| I miss Uganda. I miss everything about it. I miss the culture, I miss
the people, and mostly I miss the children that I had grown to love
more completely and more unconditionally than I have ever loved
before. Being in Uganda with those children opened my heart in a way
that I didn't know was possible. I left the United States with certain
expectations of what I would find there. I thought of what it would be
based on various pictures I had seen or stories I had heard. My mind
was overwhelmed when I arrived. I could never have imagined or dreamed
what I experienced there.
Going to these "poor" people. They have nothing. Everything they work
so hard for is just taken away from them. They must really need help..
my stupid western way of thinking... Here I was going because I thought I had something to give, not
realizing that what I would take back was so much greater than anything
I could ever give.
Never have a met a people so loving. I wonder how far have we really
come in our country-- in our culture? I found a love in Uganda that I
have never experienced here in the United States. I found a love that
was not based on circumstance. A love that wasn't based on what I could
do or who I could be. There is just such an incredible sense of family.
Everyone is family. I met some people who have been through so much.
Their families being murdered. Losing so many that they loved... having
everything physically possible taken away... yet I saw in these people
a joy that made me feel shame. How can a people who have had so much
robbed from them, who according to the world's standards have every
right to be bitter, who, in so many ways have been let down, be so
filled with life?
These questions plague my mind. How can I have the audacity to feel any
rights to being angry with God for things that have happened in my
life? How could I possibly think I have "my rights" to hold on to
certain bitterness or even ways of life that I don't want to change
because I am "comfortable" with them?
One thing that stands out to me most about the people there, is their
ability to acceptance. They think in a way that is far more advanced
than most people in the United States. They live life. They live and
understand that life is short, so they make the most of it. They don't
let bitterness eat away at them. They embrace life, they embrace love,
they embrace family... and they truly live. I believe that this is the
way God has designed us to be.
So often we are so afraid to live because of our fear of death. We are afraid of giving because we fear what will be taken.
Live simply, simply love... I feel that this is how we will be most effective on this earth.
By God's grace I poured out my heart to these children. It is the only
time in my life I can say I haven't had reservations to love. The only
time I didn't have some kind of self-protection in my heart. God opened
my heart and loved through me. Often times it hurt. But there is not a
second I regret going there. The love that I felt being with these
children is even more real to me now that I am not with them. I miss
them so much it hurts.
I think I left my heart in Africa.
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| I think I cracked a rib. I fell through the invisible trampoline mat.
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