*~*I just Don't. . .want You to Be another Thing. . .I have to Survive*~*
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Name: Lindsey
Country: United States
State: California
Gender: Female


Occupation: Student
Industry: Entertainment


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Member Since: 5/24/2004

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Monday, April 18, 2005

Complete and Adoration

My Gift to You, My Heart was Yours

In ten weeks You Shaped it,

In One Night You Murdered it.

Torn from my Chest and Laid at your Feet

That First Step You took was the Worst.

Since then you’ve walked a Thousand miles in Solace.

And short Remark,

And I still have these Memories,

But We’ll never See what We could have Been.

Remember when we Talked about where We’d be

A Year from Now?

Remember when you Held my hand like you’d never

let it go?

Remember. Because that’s all You can Do.

We’ll Never make another Memory.

We’ll Never make another Memory.

I wish I’d have died in Your arms the last time We

were together.

So I wouldn’t have to awake without you today.

This Time I thought things were Real.

You said they were.

What Happened?

You were a Priority.

Was I an Option?

I let You See a Side of Me I Don’t show Anyone.

Promises are just Words unless they are Fufilled.

You new from the Beginning all I had to Offer you

Was my Heart.

Im Sorry that wasn’t Enough.

So, We’ll go Our own Ways.

And Hopefully You’ll Remember the things I’ve Told You,

Hopefully you’ll Understand everything I said was

in Sincerity.

a Broken Heart is Not what I Wanted from this,

But I guess I’ve Learned from it.

But aren’t You suppose to Learn from Your Mistakes?

I don’t Consider this a Mistake.

I just wish the Story didn’t End this Way,

Cause Im still in Love with the Person who Helped

Me Write it...

 


Monday, April 11, 2005

Hey everyone!Haven’t wrote in here in quite a while!Much has Gone on..too much to Write about..So I’ll skip to the Present!..which is not Much..But better than nothing!

 

Friday: I went to Tulare with my sister and Ash!Ahh we had a Blast! That night All of us including Jenna..and my other friend Ashley all went out to Dinner at Big Bubba’s BBQ to Celebrate Brittanys Birthday! Poor Jennifer had work that night..but when she got off she satyed the Night with us!It was Lots of Fun!Damn..is that Tree house Fun..haha..lol..im such a kid at times!After that we were all going to go to a Party but instead we chose to go to Jarryds house to have a few drinks..well I didn’t Drink that Night..but lil miss Ashley suree did!lol..maybe a lil too much!

 

Saturday:Wow..what a day!I slept until about 10:30 then we checked out of our hotel at around 12 and went out to lunch!The we went back to Jarryds and slept until around 5 or so in the afternoon..we were tired from the night before..we needed some sleep before another long Night out on the town lol!Then around 10 or so Ash..Britt..Jennifer and I and many others went out to a party in the country!Yes I will admit I drank too much once again..and don’t remember much of the night up until a certain point!Horrible..i know!

 

Sunday: Came home! And I wish I was still there! Gosh..I cant wait until this Summer..when I get to live there again for Good! Lol..I already know exactlty what day I’ll be moving in and everything!..June 19th!yay! Im so excited!

 

Life is okay for me Right Now! Although I am sad that this week I will have to be going to Sacramento, to a funeral!My Great Uncle died..who I was close too!He died in his sleep..which when you think about it..was a blessing..cuz he didn’t suffer!and that’s the best way to go!I know he’s in a Better Place..so im holding up pretty well!

 

Death Scares me!It’s not that Im scared to die..cuz honestly.. Im not it’s just the thought of others that I love dieing that Scares me!And that mightd sound Selfish..but that’s how I can’t help it!

 

As Far as Guyz in my Life…Im sick of it!Im tired of Falling for the wrong ones or the ones..that are just very immature! So as of now im No longer pursuing anything with any guy..they have to be the pursurer..cuz then I’ll know if they are worth my time or not! So..all my time are going to be Spent with my Friends!..That Love me for Me! Talk to You all Later! And everyone have great week!

 

                                                                         Luv ya,

                                                                                  Lyn-z

 

I hear he's out there somewhere
Been looking for him everywhere
From Rosweld to Timbuck too I thought I found him once at a jiffy lube
But it turned into a dead end so I got my oil changed and I tried again
He was a major in archeology
I was digging on him but he wasn't on me
A girl trying to find herself the perfect man is like trying to find Atlantis

It's a mystery like the deep blue sea
You can take it you can leave it but I still believe
So I won't give up and I won't give in
I know I'm gonna find him I just don't know when
A girl trying to find herself the perfect man is like trying to find Atlantis

I met a mystic down in Memphis we stood at the foot of the pyramid
He had me looking east - He had me looking west
Then he showed me a map and said I wish you the best
There was Elvis not the real one
When told me good bye he called me hun
Just another shot in the dark like Eldorado or Noah's ark
A girl trying to find herself the perfect man is like trying to find Atlantis

It's a mystery like the deep blue sea
You can take it you can leave it but I still believe
So I won't give up and I won't give in
I know I'm gonna find him I just don't know when
A girl trying to find herself the perfect man is like trying to find Atlantis


Thursday, March 17, 2005

Hello Everyone! Well let’s see…Hmmm…a lots gone on since I last wrote in here! Life is finally Looking up for Me! And the Sun is shinning down on me with a warmth.. I have been missing for it seems like years! A lot of my fears… I use to have..No longer exist! Okay So here it is….

 

Friday: Friday night Britt came down from Tulare to spend the weekend with me! It was Aweome!I didn’t have to work Friday night so we went to a Party at my Friend Sams house! I got pretty messed up..as always! Im such a Freakin Light Weight..its ridiculous! I don’t know if Britt had much Fun that night cuz…she didn’t really know anyone!

 

Saturday: Well I had work on Saturday from 3 to 10..so that sucked and Britt didn’t really get to do much!lol..cuz she stayed and hung out with me at work! But O’well..she got some Free food out of it!lol…And when I got off of work we were  ty much tired and just stayed home! Not too eventful of a day,,but I think Britt liked getting away from Tulare for a couple of days tho!

 

Sunday: Sunday morning I drove up to Tulare with Britt! It was like my first time ever fully driving up there with just me and someone else! It was pretty cool..but I realized how tireing it can be to drive for that long!We got there around 2 in the afternoon and the rest of the day I just pretty much relaxed and visited Jennifer for awhile! And spent sometime with my Mommy..who I always miss!

 

Monday: I slept all day until I went to lunch with all my friends! And then went to the mall and walked around for awhile! It was a lot of Fun just hanging out with old Friends and meeting new ones! Then Monday Night I went to my friend Dereks B-day party where I got just a lil too drunk!lol..O yeah and that night I got to meet an Awesome guy..that I had been planning on meeting for awhile! It ended up being a Great night.although I cant remember all of it!lol..Great Times!

 

Tuesday: One of thee Bestest days ever! Lets See..My dad told me he was Buying me a new car in like 3 to 4 weeks! And then..The Greatest News ever! My parents are going to try and Get back together and make things Work! Im So excited and Could Hardly believe it! And if they do make it Work..It will Truly Be a Blessing!

 

Well that’s about it!I think I may be behind on my Homestudies Stuff….So Im Scccaaarrred! Talk To you all  Later!

                                                             <333 Lyn-z


Monday, March 07, 2005

Hello to everyone that reads my Xanga! I hope everyone is doing good these days!Im doing alright I guess but yeah…!

 

Well lets see…this weekend was Awesome because I went to Tulare and got to see my mommy and Bestest Friends!Gosh I missed them all! But I was so excited when I got to see them!I hadn’t see them in Forever a whole month and a half! Lol but it seemed like an enternity!... It killed me but I survived! This whole weekend was  basically a Blast!

 

Friday night Ash,my Sister, and Me got to Tulare around 9ish! Traffic was horrendous as usual on a Friday night in La!It took like 4 hours to get there instead of the usual 2 and a half to 3 hours…But usually when I go with Ash lol its like 2 and half hours or less cuz she halls Butt!lol But we had to follow my grandparents this time..don’t ask why but..we had to!And you can only imagine how slow my grandpa was going!lol O’ well we got there and that’s all that matters! Well when we got there we got ready and took off with the Brittanys and Elsa! And went to Chris’s house and partied it up! Fun Stuff! Then went home around like 3 or 4!

 

Saturday I was lazy and So was Ash so we slept until like 1 in the afternoon and the watched the Best movie in the whole wide world!..The Notebook! Omg! I love that movie!It was Ashs first time seeing it..she loved it! And we both cried together lol! Then Later on We had dinner with my mommy and got ready to go out for the night! This time my best Friend Jennifer went out with us along with Brittany! We ended up at Dereks house and Got Rip Roaring Drunk!lol..It was fun I got to see lots of people I hadn’t seen in awhile! I have to admit tho I got drunk and started hitting on this guy or well a couple but im glad I didn’t hook up with anyone!lol..o and umm I guess I fell in mudd walking to Jareds house!ehh its alright lol! But next time I’ll be more responsible!l Yeah..well that was some more Fun Stuff!

 

Sunday got home around 1ish! And have been up ever since! And its horrible But I have to finish a Health Book that I haven’t even picked up yet or started reading and answer a whole bunch of questions for class tomorrow!ehh it sux but ill get it done! But wont get much sleep! And which sux is I have work tomorrow at 11 in the morning right after my class! Ahhh another restless night and another excruciatingly busy day tomorrow!

 

At times I feel as if I’m invisible to others…im also so scared but don’t know what of! Or why?maybe it’s the not knowing if  things don’t go my way..and I don’t mean to soun selfish..i also wish I new why I let certain people intimidate me so easily?I hold back from ceratin things that I should do or could do for fear of failure or intimidation?I wish I could change myself and have more confidence its definitely issues that need to work on in order to fix them! So im gonna try and try hard!

 

Well I need to stop writing and get to work..so I can try and get some sleep for a little while atleast!

 


Thursday, February 24, 2005

Hey everyone! I think its about time to have an update! Since I haven't wrote in here in forever!Lets see..where do I begin?..Well I am now on home studies!yay! thank god! I hate school down here with a deep passion!So i decided to fix that problem and did!Its only temporary though..just until i move back to Tulare!

I think im finally truly learning to love my self now..im learning how to live in my skin!The past 3 years have been pretty rough for me and im just getting out of it all now and im seeing the brighter side of life and living! Of course, I know as usual like anyone there is highs* and lows* in life..and i think im on a high* for right now!

Hmm..what else..oh yeah' my "special someone" and I are no longer "talking"..but were still friends and talk every now and then..which is for the best due to the distance and stuffs!I think I've always known we should have always just been friends in the first place..but i took a shot at it tho! Oh' well...theres more Fishies in the Big Sea!

Work is going absolutely Great! I sooo love my job again! I work with awesome people!And now that Im on home studies ill be able to work more! which mean more $money$ and me being able to save up for an apartment!

Although lifes going good for me at this moment..I cant help but wish to find someone(a guy)...that will be able to understand me and like/love me for me! I want a relationship where not everything is based on sex* or just the cheesy* stuffs in most relationships! I mean of course like evey girl I love the whole romance crap..but i want someone intellectual..that i can actually talk to about stuff that matters!Someone who can be my best friend and Love! But yeah..anyways...like my mom always says 'It will happen when you least expect it too'! 

                                            Talk to you all Lata! 

                                                        Lyn-z

"And it's not that I want to have you. All I want is to deserve you."

"To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead." 



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