| to the breaking of a heart. It's late night. I'm sitting in on my bed, leaning against my wooden headboard. I'm dressed in my comfy sleeping clothes with my hair tied up in a ponytail, glasses on. The only light in my bedroom is my bedside lamp. I know I should be studying for my final exams - after all, it is my senior year in college - but I can't. Instead, I'm sitting there with another kind of book in my hands. This book was given to me as a gift by my cousin, who is more a brother. As I gently skim my hands over the cover, I catch a glimpse of the authors name, Aldrich Amador. I can't help but smile as I read the different and numerous praises given by several acclaimed people and organizations, and of course, it's a best seller. Just as I knew it would be. I laugh as I realize that my cousin wrote this book. That he made his dreams come true. _______________________________________ For some reason, tonight, more than any other night, I've become nostalgic. I can't seem to sleep with memories flooding through my mind. Memories of happy times with him. I hold fast to these dear and precious memories, hoping they won't ever fade. But I know that in time, some of them, sadly, will be forgotten, like a toy that a child has left to collect dust. For some reason, it just hit me tonight that next school year, he won't be there to help me with school. He won't be there to help me with my problems. He won't be there at most family parties. He won't be there when I need him. He won't be there to be the big brother I never had. He won't be there. I cry silently as I realize that he won't be there. Instead, he'll be off, more than a thousand miles away, pursuing his dreams. Of course I'm happy for him. After all, he was the one who taught me to follow my dreams and not everyone elses. But I can't help it if it pains me to see him go. After having him by my side for all 16 short years of my life, why wouldn't it pain me? I grew up walking upstairs to his house everyday, always looking forward to playing with and his sister. I'm sure it's plain to whoever's reading this now that I don't want him to go. Of course I don't want him to go. Does that make me selfish? I could beg and plead with him not go, but that won't change his mind. I don't want him to leave us behind him. This short entry doesn't even began to express my sadness. But I know that if I want to see him happy, I have to let him go, even if it hurts. I wonder if he'll ever read this. Probably not. |
