YAY FOR ME! 30 more hours until departure!!! It is getting crazy close!! I packed up a lot of my stuff today. I feel like this urgency to leave. I kinda wanna get it over with, ya know? I can't believe it is really happening though. It is so weird to leave after everyone else. I've just been sitting here for weeks thinking about what it will be like. haha. I feel scared, like soo scared. But really excited at the same time. I just wanna close my eyes and get it over with, that's what I feel like when I ride roller coasters. It might be a lot more fun though if I just let go and opened my eyes. It is a one time ride after all, gotta make the most of it! Actually, it is kindof like a roller coaster, you have that scared/excited feeling, and then it will be over before I know it. The beginning is always the scariest part too. We'll see if it was worth the wait.

I'm going to bed now - goodnight!!!

So I suddenly have xanga premium, hey that works! I'm a little upset right now. Perhaps it is just because I've had a long day, which really wasn't that bad at all, I was just continuely reprimanding a 3 yr old for almost 12 hours. I'm just kinda lonely, I guess. There is no one around to hang out with late at night, or talk to really for that matter. I guess everyone is just consumed with their own new lives, whether it be in charlotte or abroad, which is fine. I just don't have a new life yet and I guess I am a little jealous and bored and lonely. I watched this movie today - eternal sunshine of the spotless mind - while the kid was napping (thank God for naps!! and tvs!). It was really interesting. I also watched Double Jerpardy tonight on my new laptop. Anyway, if you haven't seen eternal sunshine, you should. The basic story line is that this couple breaks up and they want to erase each other from their memory, but as they start remembering, they realize they really loved each other and want to stay together...its more complicated than that and kinda strange, but really interesting. And I wondered, if it were possible, would that be better, if I could just erase memories?? I know there are a lot I would love to erase, but would I be better for it? Memory doesn't make much sense. In a way, time erases memory for you, and sometimes time could never erase certain memories. I think that is one of the biggest fears for me - being forgotten or forgetting. I don't want to forget certain things, and if I died right now, would I be forgotten?? I mean, has my life really mattered. I guess it is something all people wonder. Memory can carry a lot of pain too, maybe just those memories should be erased. But really, I guess if it were possible, that wouldn't be the best - to erase memories. You learn from mistakes and from the past. Anyway, interesting movie!

So I have decided upon a career - medicine!! I really strongly want to pursue some field of medicine. I'm kindof excited about it. I know it will be super challenging, but I'm really pretty interested and am almost certain this is what I want to do. So there we go, my thoughts for the day. I better go though, early morning again tomorrow!