so it seems again, i have no point. i'm walking everyday without any goal. when i wake in the morning i sigh at the thought of having to live another day. i don't breathe the same as i used to and i certainly don't think the same way. i want to have a normal teenage life, but i've never had one. i haven't had a normal life in so long i can't even remember what its like. everythings so weird and mixed up all the time and i'm not sure what to do. to be honest most of the time i'm just walking around confused, don't really know what i'm doin i'm just goin with the flow. sometimes its nice to do that, but not when you have things to do. right now i'm just not taking anything seriously because everytime i do its good for awhile and then i just end up gettin all screwed up again. like school for instance....i keep up w/ the work and i think i'm doin good until i get a bad grade and then i'm all messed up. i just can't maintain the things in my life so i know what to expect. i want to wake up and know i have somethin to look forward to, but what would that something be? god only knows. i have good friends and i have good family, but i'm not good. i'm less than good a pretty good percentage of the time. i just wish for once i could be normal. i just want to be understood why i act the way i act and why i do the things i do. its really all i know how to do to be honest. i don't mean to shut people out and make them feel bad, but thats how i am. i can't explain it. Alls i know is that it happens more than it should, but i can't stop it. If you don't like who i am, then we have no business bein friends. life will go on!

I'm not updating until after graduation