Half the reason I write on here is because I like to get some sort of feedback. The other half is because I definitely get a lot of anger out through words, but all those entries are protected. Usually I don't care if I don't hear any sort of advice or statements of sympathy. It's just exciting to get some reply to what I wrote, like someone is reading and cares. In a way I feel needy or pathetic.

The intro has reason, I promise. What I mean to do now is stop droning on about myself, because I'm becoming increasingly boring. We all know that I can't possibly do that though. However, I'm going to try to turn my personal experiences into questions. First question being: If anyone goes to see the Dark Knight-"Did you think it was good?"

Simple enough.

Personally, I didn't think it was the greatest. The boys liked it, of course. Overall, I found the story-line difficult to follow and in the end I felt as if the movie had no conclusion. The acting was good. The acting performance was best by Heath Ledger, I was really impressed. Everyone else was pretty good too. During, a lot of the fight scenes it wasn't clear what was going on because of bad shots or poorly edited sequences. Maybe, I making myself out to be a complete idiot here, but I certainly think that things should have been explained better, bringing the story to a better closing instead of the whole:
"Gotham needs a hero"-Batman
*Gasp* "No, you can't." -Commissioner
Batman runs away and police chase him.
"Daddy, why is Batman running away?"-Commissioner's son
"Because we have to chase him."-Commissioner
"But why, he didn't do anything wrong."-Son
"I know. It's because he can take it and we will hunt him."-Commissioner
Like...WTF.

You know that life is good when you can never think of anything to wish for on occasions that wishing would be expected. Blowing out the birthday candles, going over the railroad tracks, closing your eyes at 11:11 o'clock...all times when we usually think of ourselves-have been transformed, for me, into thoughts about other people.

Everyong should be encouraged to make a wish every day, because some of them will be like me and realize that they couldn't wish for anything more than what they have. It sounds kind of dumb I suppose. But now I wish for other people, mostly for John to get better and for Mrs. Moskow.

I almost feel unworthy of such an incredible life.

Lately, there are so many times during the day when I stop and wonder what the hell I'm doing and why I am doing it. Very frankly pathetic, I lay on my bed, half-naked surround by a mess of clothes, newspaper clippings and graduation cards scrolling through other people's pictures on Facebook. I starve myself until the afternoon when I finally can't take the stomach growls anymore and emerge from my room where I had the blinds drawn to a happy sun. I eat at 12 then again at 3 and forget to eat once more until 11 at which point the pain is so irritating that I have to go to sleep to make it go away. But it's not even the patterns shifting that is so clearly strange. When I'm not laying outside for a fresh tan glow...all I have is the computer. I have a to-do list that has tasks on it from such a long time ago that they might not even be worth accomplishing anymore. I have no drive or determination to get anything done. Even when I long to take my skateboard out or clean my room or start my scrapbook is come up with excuses like, "It's too hot." or "That would be boring." I haven't pushed myself to do anything that I really want to do and even though I know that I would be happier if I got things done I'm still unable to begin. But this is basically exactly like I've always been. I guess I just kind of thought I changed.
On top of it all, I'm completely disinclined to be with anyone but Pete, without Pete. Though once I'm out with anyone I can have the time of my life. The trouble is getting me mentally into it before I'm physically consumed by it. It seems, though, that we're all at that age where when we've found love, it's all we want. Maybe we're right to be greedy with it too. With everyone my age leaving (somehow most of us managed to be couples of age difference) while their love stays behind. Possibly, I'm wrong to be saying this but if you have a significant other, at this point, all you feel like doing is anything as long as you're together and alone. Thats how I feel sometimes...even though I shouldn't because I love my friends (hence: me wishing last night could happen again, a lot). But is it something with couples our age that makes us think that young love could dwindle away so quickly. We feel that in order to keep it alive we need to see each other all the time. We stay locked up in our rooms, picking sides of the bed and daydreaming about houses way beyond the amounts of money we actually have. All we want is to grow up together, making something about the future sure and predictable. Confessing that we would marry each other right now if we could. Planning next Christmas and vacations. Clinging to each other so tightly. "Don't leave me!" we cry, inside and sometimes out loud. We're so scared that that person might not be there when we need them most. We're scared of facing a future without someone to lean on, who knows who you really are. We want to grow up as quickly as possible so we can get the awkwardness of an adult relationship under our parents' watch out of the equation.
17-19 is such a strange age, when the illusion of freedom is plastered over the eyes of young adults who still live by curfews and eat the food mommy bought at the grocery store. All we have for a chance at a grownup life is our relationships. Sure, we could attempt other things and complete them successfully: Work a lot, Move out, Go to college and never come home. Personally, those things are scary and unenjoyable. I hoping that by this time in my seemingly endless babble, I have made my point, or at least some point. Ultimately, what I'm trying to say is that: It's obvious we're all feeling the same things. We're scared and a little confused. We long for stability and we want to rest assured that there will be someone there for you, someone who loves you and someone you love back. So what are we doing now? Jumping the gun into adulthood? Pushing ourselves into unions that are less like dating and more like marriage for that insurance.
It isn't as if it's right or wrong. We can't help the way we feel and the ways we act because of it. All there is to be aware and if you personally don't like it then change a little. Then, of course, I could be completely wrong and if thats the way you feel then congratulations.

It's getting around noon time so I'm gonna go eat.

I believe I once read, in a preface to a book, a quote by an author that stated, "To be a good author you have to force yourself to write everyday." I think of this quote every once in awhile because I'd like to think that I haven't completely given up on the idea of becoming a writer.

I'm plainly realistic. I mean, I've been told I'm no fun for pointing out that a group of kids could die for the sake of "doing something fun". I try to be safe with my decisions, which is why I ruled out the possibly of writing as a career. I get short-breathed when I really look at the books in a library and instead of seeing the stories I see the authors and I see how many people have read each book. There is no way that each book in there has been read a great number of times, or even bought. Possibly some of them were just donated to the library from someone's personal stash because they just didn't like the books at all. Now there are so many ways to become famous, though it would be nice to do it the right way, it's a very hit or miss profession. The idea floats back to me though, when I read a past entry I love or when I receive a complement on a paper. I the most surprised though when Mr. Salerno told me how impressed he was with a thank you note I wrote for a graduation present they gave me. It really meant a lot to me and made me think maybe I do have some sort of natural gift after all.

Most people have writing styles that differ. I like to think that a person's writing style goes along nicely with their taste in draperies and clothes as well as friends. Each person does have an overall style, some which are just more appealing than others. Basically, we are our own judge of what we dress ourselves in or how we word a "thank you". I think some people are just born with that reason of writing. I guess, I just won't give it up entirely.

I just tried to post an entry through my new iPod touch, but I accidentally deleted it when I was spell checking it. No big deal I was just semi-fascinated at the fact that I could produce a nice weblog entry on something other than a computer. I'm really stoked about the iPod touch actually. Before I had it, I didn't even want it but it came free with my laptop so "why the hell not?" Now I can check my e-mail, compose e-mails, go on facebook and write in xanga wherever I want. (Kinda. It's more like wherever there's a wireless internet connection, but still.)

I was messing with it outside because it actually is more functional outside than the laptop is. In the sun, I can't even see my laptop's screen. It's really discouraging. It's probably the only thing I didn't like about my laptop though. Oh and it lacks Microsoft works. If no one has noticed, I've been a serious techie the past few days. I got the laptop all set up with al the fancy things it can do, iChat, Video chat, iPhoto directly exports to facebook, transferring my itunes library, setting up the new i Pod. The transferring of the music is taking forever by the way. I'm not sure how long it's been but at this point, it will take another hour and 40 minutes. It's worth it though.

But yeah the basis of everything I've been doing has been going to the beach, messing with my new technology and going to orientation.

I did write briefly before about orientation. I guess I didn't have to time or maybe energy to elaborate. Overall, I had a good time. I was very thankful that there were a bunch of kids from school there to default to if I found myself in awkward moments with new acquaintances. Most kids there are from New Jersey and it's a very diverse crowd because as we all know, NJ is the most diverse state. I was satisfied with the people and the food and the facilities as I almost already knew I had been since I visited a couple times before. We were made to do a lot of obviously childish summer camp-esque chants and dances. The lame times, such as the hour and a half long powerpoint/video about how good kids can make bad decisions, were balanced out by the anxiousness I felt after attending the RTN (Rowan Television Network) workshop. I hardly got any sleep due to a dodgeball game that went on right outside my window until 1 am. I guess I'll just have to get used to the tiredness.
On an added good note, I found a a couple spots on campus that I have already claimed as mine. Though they're both in plain view and possibly already "belong" to someone else.

I'm tired of writing now.