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i don't know what i'm doing here.
i changed xangas because i was sick of everyone knowing and speaking about my life.
i stopped commenting for a while because words lost their meaning and i was sick of trying to understand them. nothing makes sense anymore.
i've been having issues with trust lately. i ran away from home after finding out that my journals had been raped by my parent's eyes and having her deny that it was wrong. i came back only to find out that she was making us move away from here for her new boyfriend. which lead me to leave again. eventually she got the idea, and changed her mind.
i'm getting away from my parents. this house. everything. i want to move out when i turn sixteen, but i know that isn't happening. i'm alone when it comes to dating, but being alone isn't that fun. i still can't make up my fucking mind.
bryan and i have truly learned how to love. twelve months and i can honestly say that we can trust each other more than anything. we've had our ups and downs but it's all a matter of circles. he's taught me how to be happy. he's the spark behind everything that i am, and i know that i wouldn't be where i am, or the person that i am right now, without him. he's my bestfriend [and only my bestfriend, which is perfect], and i wouldn't take anything we've went through back if i had to. i love you, bryan.
it's been almost three months since school let out and i've stopped caring about my sleep schedule. recently i've been staying up for days and sleeping for days. that has to change before school starts back up.
i haven't been writing too much lately. it just doesn't feel safe anymore. i don't know why i'm here writing all of this. i wasn't even planning on posting but then i clicked on it and this is what came out.
i don't know what i'm doing here.
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| blah. fuck it. i'm done with this xanga for a while. yeah, for a while. not forever. just until i'm happy.
for the first time in a long time, nothing's okay.
i shouldn't be in a relationship. i really shouldn't.
i only want to be with one person, and that one person can't happen.
and i'm leading my own boyfriend on because i don't want to be with him.
i like him. i just don't want to be with him. i don't want to be with anyone except the boy i can't be with.
it happens.
&all i want anymore is honesty.
and to be honest.
so i am.
i hate life at this point. which is why i'm taking a break from everything.
levi, i'm sorry.
maybe i'll come back happier. and new. and not confused.
i can't believe i'm fucking smoking.
find me on here if you want. doesn't matter. | | |
| i'm not inlove with you. i just like you a lot. sorry.
and i guess i say the 'dumbest shit.' i know your password, boy. everything you say about me, to me secretly, or anything along those lines, i do read.
so i'm fucking sick of being nice to you.
bytheway, i'm deleting a lot of people on my blocked list. | | |
| i'm still seeeeeek. gah!
 that's really cute, levi.
&mitch, you're right. i do need to be honest.
[i don't love you.]
i don't know how i can tell what ryan says.
VolcomFig13: i got a new bag tofay in broad ripple anda new cd
EmteePrettyDoll: What cd?
VolcomFig13: circle take the cquare
VolcomFig13: square
here, i've never done this, so i might as well.
01] When/How did we meet?
02] If we were alone what would we do?
03] What was your 1st impression of me?
04] Do you still think that way about me now?
05] Have we ever talked on the phone?
06] Have you ever seen me cry?
07] Have you ever seen me dance?
08] Have you ever seen me drunk/high?
09] If you can spend a day with me, what would we do? How about a week?
10] Have we ever gotten in a fight?
11] If you could give me a gift, what would it be?
12] Would you hug me?
13] Would you kiss me? Would you do more?
14] What major thing do we have in common?
15] What is my best feature?
16] Have u ever liked me? Could you like me in the future?
17] Have you ever made me laugh/have i ever made you laugh?
18] Describe me using four or less words.
19] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
20] Am I loveable?
21] How long have you known me?
22] What do you think my weakness is?
23] Do you think I'll get married?
24] What makes me happy?
25] What makes me sad?
26] What reminds you of me?
27] Do you think i could kill someone?
28] How well do you know me?
29] When's the last time you saw me?
30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31] Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
32] Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
FINALLY... Are you going to put this on your xanga and see what I say about you?
| | |
| meh. i am really sick.
so, period plus being sick in general equals really fucking gay.
i had a lot of weird dreams last night. i always get weird dreams when i'm on my period. especially when my temp. is over 100.
one of them had to do with levi. then robbie. then tyler and cody. then matt.
eh, whatever though.
so i couldn't go to school today. which is a bummer. i really like school.
i slept all day. until 5:30pm. then i watched tv, ate a little, and layed around.
i talked to ryan today. i love talking to him. we talked about something that made me a little upset. so we changed the subject.
i hate when that happens.
tomorrow, if i'm not sick, denny's is where i shall be.
does anyone remember Enya? that singer? she sang that 'only time' song. i love that song. | | |
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