FallenEmoAngel's Xanga

Friday, July 11, 2003

Fri, 11 Jul 2003 21:52:48 GMT

::Entry 83::

Alright I'm back... I will be posting on here a little bit... So today I had work... yeh, it was alright I guess. I bought a CD afterwards, which made it all the better... My back is in a lot of pain, and so am I ... I am now on meds... Yeh... It sucks... I'm not Kate anymore... I'm the Kate on meds... my life is going downhill... Goodnight...

-Cweet Katastrophe-

Saturday, July 05, 2003

Sat, 05 Jul 2003 21:29:33 GMT

::Entry 82::

I hope everyone had a good July 4th... mine was okay...

I'm really missing him, and he's all that's ever on my mind anymore.. He doesn't seem to care.

My new journal:
http://www.livejournal.com/~damagedvacancy

So yeh... talk to you all later... I probably won't be posting on here for a while.. Now that I have live journal. I'll talk to you in the near future... love you.

Love,

-Cweet Katastrophe {Trapt Kate}-

Thursday, July 03, 2003

Thu, 03 Jul 2003 11:15:09 GMT

::Entry 81::

As I sit here all alone, thinking the opposite of what you're thinking, saying the opposite of what you're saying, doing the opposite of what you're doing, your damaged words make me hit the floor, and the rain outside blends my tears with my blood, and the day drowned in my sorrow. My thoughts shot through the sky, sending them empty, helpless signals of my feelings, and unexposed glory to fall, glory to hurt, glory to cry, glory to bleed, and glory to bruise. The black darkness encases my lonliness and I'm not breathing anymore. They cut me off. My signals worked. Can't they finish it? End it! Don't leave me suffer another minute of your torture. If you want me, take me. If you hit me, make it hurt. Leave a mark. I know what you're thinking. You want me gone. You want what they want. They've made me suffer, and now I'm here to make them cry. Cry sweet little badger, cry your worst. Don't think too hard, you might cause harm to your beautiful self. Hold on for your empty soul and live you life as if it were your last...

-Cweet Katastrophe

Thursday, July 03, 2003

Thu, 03 Jul 2003 10:32:30 GMT

::Entry 80:: Alright... So maybe going to the mall didn't work just now... I'm back home. My sis and I left at 1o:oo to try and go, and then we started to skid 'cos of all the rain, so we just turned around and came home. She was like "Yeh, we'll try going later." That's alright. I'm still upset... This mood is over taking me, and I can't help myself anymore... I am HeLpLeSs. I keep seeing all these things that people write like "Blah and Blah forever." They put their name, and the person they are in love with next to it. I wish I could do that. It's just... "Kate and No one." No one... forever. It's always like that. It will probably always be like that. People can always find someone better than me... But then when something good happens to me, something bad comes with it. ReGrEt...ReGrEt...ReGrEt. FoRgEt Me. - L o n e l y M i r a c l e -

Thursday, July 03, 2003

Thu, 03 Jul 2003 08:42:03 GMT

::Entry 79:: It's morning... I'm tired... and still upset. I don't think I'll ever be happy again. Last night I didn't cry myself to sleep. I was talking to Phil online before I went to bed, and he was making me happy, but some of the stuff he said made me cry, but yeh... heh. Phil's a great buddy. Bleh... What to do today?! I have to get Laura a gift, go to my counselor, go to laura's, hang with jenn, DDR. Yeh... DDR is my whole day now. I mean, it's a good way to lose weight, but yeh... after a while, of hearing the same songs over and over... AH ::Kills it:: So yeh... I'm really bored, and really tired. I really have nothing to say. I just want Jenn to come to North Carolina with me... My dad has kept moving the date, because of this big Florida trip that her parents scheduled for a whole god damn month without telling her, and it's been screwing everything up. I don't know... I just can't go down there by myself. Well... I'm going to go for now.. I'll be back later. -Cweet Katastrophe-

Wednesday, July 02, 2003

Wed, 02 Jul 2003 21:48:22 GMT

::Entry 78::

Today was my last day of work this week... yeh... Tomorrow is thursday... Laura's real birthday. I am going to her house later that night to give her a gift. So yeh... I just got home from hanging out with my dad. It was fun. Yeh... Haven't seen him in a while. Nice to see different people once in a while. So yeh... tomorrow I am just home. Probably going to hang out with Jenn. I thought I was going to spend tomorrow alone, but my sister is working at home... ::sigh:: I'm tired, beat, and sad... like always. I wish I had someone... Someone... NOW. No... I'll never have anyone... never...
I get to see my counselor tomorrow... geesh, tomorrow is a busy day for me. For some reason, I can't wait until it's over. Blah.

"Sometimes I wish,

that there was another way,

To get rid of this pain inside of me.

Sometimes I wish,

that I had a love to help me,

a love to hold me,

guide me,

and kiss me.

Sometimes I wish,

that I could finally end my days,

with a final alert.

Sometimes I wish,

that you were here with me now,

to stop me from this breakdown."

-Me.

Yeh, some gay thing I just wrote... Hey, it's what is on my mind anyway... so yeh.
>>Sadness<<
I wish there was a way I could put pictures on this damn site... I wish they would give me that free 14 days of Premium thingy... yeh, that would be nice... oh well.

Goodnight...

-Cweet Katastrophe-

Wednesday, July 02, 2003

Wed, 02 Jul 2003 17:28:26 GMT

::Entry 77::

Last night I cried myself to sleep... I hardly got any sleep... actually... then I woke up for work this morning. Tears will continue to fall, as I watch him forget about me...

Tuesday, July 01, 2003

Tue, 01 Jul 2003 20:20:02 GMT

::Entry 76::

>> << >> << >> << >> <<

Tuesday... Blah. Another day of work... loooong day. Tomorrow I have another day of work.. and then I'm done! woot! So yeh... I'm pretty tired... and out-of-it.

I can't wait til Thursday... I get to see my counselor, I don't work, and Jenn is spending the night, so the next day, early in the morning, my mom, sis, me, and Jenn are going to west VA for July 4th. I am excited. So yeh... Nothing big going on right now... just sadness, tired, and boredem.

>> << >> << >> << >> <<

"You're taken by surprise,
You found a way inside my heart.
A heart that has been hurt,
And torn by love so many times.
Dreams of you and the day we fall in love,
fill up my mind all day.
So all that I have left to say is...

And please take this piece of my heart,
and never let it go.
Things might not work out quite right,
but I won't lose hope.

I didn't see you coming,
You walked threw my hind doors.
When I'm so vulnerable and very few will get inside.
Dreams of you and the day we fall in love,
fill up my mind all day,
So all that I have left to say is.

And please take this piece of my heart,
and never let it go.
Things might not work out quite right,
but I won't lose hope.

And I know I'm not the one who makes your life complete,
The one who you thought is so charming and sweet.
This feeling inside grows deeply for you,
It's not who you are but it's all that you do.

And please take this piece of my heart,
and never let it go.
Things might not work out quite right,
but I won't lose hope.

And please take this piece of my heart,
and never let it go.
Things might not work out quite right,
but I won't lose hope."

>> << >> << >> << >> <<

Goodnight Shitty America.

-Cweet Katastrophe-

Monday, June 30, 2003

Mon, 30 Jun 2003 18:21:57 GMT

::Entry 75:: Hi everyone... So yeh, I just got back from work. Last night I talked to Laura, and she isn't mad at me for not coming to her party. She said she'd rather hang out with me on her real birthday anyway... which is awesome! So yeh... today was a long and hard day. Sooo much paperwork... and too much on my mind. I kept dropping things, and just wanted to cry and run to the bathroom and just... AH! But yeh... so many thoughts... running through my head... I'm so tired, and down... :.:screw it:.: After work, my mom met Morgan (my sister) and I at the chinese buffet in the mall... it's a good place. So yeh, that was pretty fun. Then we went to target and I got some new eye~liner (really black) and some new chapstick (heh!) so yeh... what a day. :::Shivers from Yesterday::: Blah... All right, well I am going to leave now... See ya. <3... -Cweet Katastrophe-

Sunday, June 29, 2003

Sun, 29 Jun 2003 22:35:12 GMT

::Entry 74::

"As I leave here today, apartment 108,
I'll always keep you in my heart.
Anderson is cold tonight,
The leaves are scattered on the ground.
I miss the seasons,
And the comfort of your smile.

Sometimes this all feels like a dream.
I'm waiting for someone to just wake me up,
From this life.

As I look out at these fairgrounds,
I remember how our family split apart.
I don't think I ever told you,
But I know you always did your best.
And the hard times,
They only made us stronger.

As I sit here all alone,
I wonder how I'm suppose to carry on,
when you're gone.

I'll never be the same without you,
I loved you more then you will ever know.
So maybe now you finally know.
Sometimes we're helpless and alone,
But you can let it keep you weighted down.
You must go on.

Do you ever feel like crying?
Do you ever feel like giving up?
I raise my hands up towards the sky,
I say this prayer for you tonight,
Because nothing is impossible.

As I sit here all alone,
I wonder how I'm suppose to carry on,Z
when you're gone.

I'll never be the same without you,
I loved you more then you will ever know.
So maybe now you finally know.
Sometimes we're helpless and alone,
But you can let it keep you weighted down.
You must go on.

(The hardest part isn't finding who we need to be, it's being content with who you are.)

Stay who you are.
You must go on.
Stay who you are..."

¤ The Ataris ¤ "The Hero Dies In This One" ¤

Can We All Be Saved?

-Cweet Katastrophe-