i love my loserface fob. =D

I Cry.

Today I cry. 
I cry my tears for...
the loss of loved ones and liked ones
broken friendships and broken hearts
crushed hopes and dreams of the future
disappointments and failures of the past
pain and suffering
farewells and goodbyes
the arguing and the fighting
wars and violence
fear and uncertainty
betrayal and deceit
sympathy and envy
embarassment and regret
shame and guilt
being overwhelmed and underestimated
loneliness..

and by tomorrow, i would have cried all my tears away.

-Anonymous per Author's Request

[ i know, i know.. "mad emo."]

Random facts:

- i am an aunt to two beautiful nieces and one adorable nephew.. and i still can't believe it
- i prefer bananas when they still have a little green
- i don't know how to swim  =X
- i love my Fusion Family [ it's fine that there are people who make fun or criticize my friendship with them or how often i go to Fusion, but they're my friends and they've helped me to get through so much in life.  i'm thankful for them.. all of them. ]
- i prefer pulp in my orange juice
- i also prefer creamy peanut butter
- i don't like confrontations and i try to avoid them as much as possible
- i put cursing/swearing to a minimum
- i used to think i didn't hold grudges, but i lied - i hold grudges when my heart is involved
- i think i've become a professional at giving the silent treatment, but i'm willing to retire
- i like to listen to my music deafly loud when i'm alone in my car
- my current favorite ice cream is COOKIES 'N CREAM  [ or TURTLE SOUP ]
- i love watching movies of all genres
- i have not yet mastered the art of opening new CDs or DVDs
- currently loving the north face, puma, j. crew
- during the winter season, i have a drawer dedicated to my 22 scarves
- i'm still a jealous person, but i'm not as bad as i used to be [my insecurities have evolved from experience]
- i am able to wear a different winter coat/pair of pajama pants/pair of puma sneakers every day for 2.5 weeks
- i LOVE fine dining.. but i lack the table manners
- tea > coffee.. anyday and everyday [ but if i have to choose "coffee".. caramel latte w/ whipped cream ]
- i'm not a purse person, but i try to have a different one each season
- i'm not a girly girl.. but the girly influence seems to affect me more as i grow older
- i like to THINK i'm independent, but i honestly don't believe i am
- i pretty much can't pee if i know someone can hear me, moreso if i'm acquainted with that person [ but there's ONE person who i can pee in front of.. no walls or doors between us.  hahah.. ]
- i shop too damn much.. but i wear the same thing every year?? =T i can't seem to make sense of that
- i have doubts in and about religions, but i don't doubt God's existence
- i love road trips.. more than likely, i'll be the one driving.  buuut.. i don't like planning
- when i put in a new roll of toilet tissue/paper towels, i put them so the flap is on the bottom >=P
- i'm a NIGHT person.  i don't do ANYTHING in the morning.. hell, i'm usually asleep until the morning has passed.  nocturnal all the way!!
- i have extremely low tolerance for pain and alcohol
- sometimes i find myself to be too damn forgiving
- bananas make AMAZING desserts - banana split, fried bananas, chocolate covered bananas, etc.

okay!  i think that's it.   enjoy!  maybe more will come later..

[ missing you ]

it's weird how things become "out of sight, out of mind."  it's been a while since i've seen you, and sometimes a day manages to go by when you don't go through my mind.  at first i thought it was impossible for that to happen, but after some time i almost forgot about you.  well, not that i'd actually ever forget you, but the thought of you just doesn't go by me the way it used to.  it's been a while now that i've lost you.  when that day came, you were on my mind constantly.  my heart couldn't stop hurting and my eyes couldn't stop tearing.  you're all i could think about, and you're all that i could talk about.  then the time came and you left me.. maybe it wasn't your choice, but it "had to" happen.  i thought about you every minute, every hour, every day.  months passed.. and other things filtered my mind.  you became my thought every other minute, every other hour, and eventually, every other day.  my days have become filled with work, friends, family.. i'm always stressing over problems and constantly worrying about the future.  my mind became occupied with other things.  but when life gives me a second to breathe, a second to recollect myself.. that's when you come in.  that's when i think about you and you re-enter my life.  i begin to reminisce and i begin to miss you and i love you all over again.  i think about all our memories together and i think about how it all had to come to an end, and the pain that i went through to get over your loss.  all that happens in that second that i get to breathe.  then because of that one second, you become my thought every minute, every hour, every day all over again.  then life will distract me with everything else, but i always find myself coming back to think of you - to miss you and to love you all over again.  i miss you so much.  my eyes are waiting for another chance to see you again.  my arms are waiting for another chance to hug you again.  my ears are waiting for another chance to hear your laughter and your voice.  i miss you and i love you, and i always will.

not every anniversary involves a celebration.

i miss you and i love you, Gung Gung. 
RIP 11.08.1917 - 02.08.2006

the whole family misses and loves you.

and nine days from today,

it will be the anniversary of Alex Panganiban's passing.
RIP 06.10.1983 - 02.17.2006

the whole family misses and loves you too.

sad how so much has changed just a year ago.

life doesn't always go as planned..

..but sometimes it works out better that way.