Living with ADD in an Neurotypical World

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Sunday, February 10, 2008

  • Timepoints, or how I get through the day in one piece

    I've realized over the years that for an ADDled gal like me, schedules don't work.  For one thing, it's really hard to stick to a rigid schedule, and once I've wandered from it, I'm paralyzed.  What do I do next?  Do I try to catch up?  Start where I am now and move forward, leaving all that past stuff undone? Oh, the anxiety?

    But the other reason is I can't tell time.  Seriously.  I was an overachiever in school, even in elementary school, but telling time was the only math concept I failed miserably.  I didn't learn to actually read a clock until I was in high school, and even though I can read a clock, I can't remember what time it is two seconds after I've just looked, and I can't figure out how the answer to that question impacts me right now, anyway.  Schedules are not a good idea for a gal who can't tell time.

    Enter timepoints.  Basically, it looks like this:  I'm going to set an alarm when I need to get a chunk of stuff done, and then, I'm going to try to get a big chunk of loosely related stuff done during that time until my  next alarm goes off.

    How does it look in action?  Well, take a regular Monday for me.  I need to get up by about 8 a.m., and I need an alarm for that.  Otherwise, I'll just lay in bed until the morning is gone.  So my alarm goes off, and here's where I need to do my first chunk of loosely related stuff.  It looks roughly like this:

    • shower
    • medicine and caffeine
    • breakfast
    • process my inboxes (voice mail, email, snail mail, in-basket)
    • look at my calendar and my "next actions" list and decide what I'm doing today (what are we having for supper?  do we have any appointments?  what am I studying today?  what are the kids studying?  and so on.)
    • set my alarms for the day
    • make breakfast for the kids
    • get the kids started on their chores
    • change the baby's diaper, feed him breakfast, get him dressed, nurse him
    • straighten the house and do my own chores

    That is a huge chunk of loosely related items we'll just call  "morning stuff."  It could change a little.  I don't have to do it in any order.  Some of it may not get done.  But I have a loose idea of what I need to be doing, so I don't just start reading blogs, leafing through a magazine, indulging in paralysis because I don't really know what to do next.

    My next alarm will go off at 10 a.m., which is when we start school.  Now, if they're still finishing up their chores, no big deal.  Again, it's a loose routine based on timepoints, not an actual schedule.  The alarm simply reminds me to get off my bottom and get moving on the next chunk of loosely related things I need to do that day.  It's a bonus that the alarm is somewhere where I have to get up and go turn it off, so I can't ignore it.

    My next "chunk" is homeschooling the boys, which happens at 10 until around 2 or 3, with a break for lunch.  Loosely, we work on math, reading, language arts, and music practice before lunch, bible and language after lunch.  (We dedicate a separate day for history and science each week.)

    When we're done with school, the boys go play and Sawyer naps.  This is my time for bible study and prayer, and then I have time set aside for special projects (cleaning out the spare room, or rearranging the furniture or any number of things I've been wanting to get to).

    The next alarm goes off shortly before 5:30, which is when we have our supper and do our nighttime routines, which includes

    • have the kids pick up their room

    • have the kids shower or bathe (and bathe the baby)

    • clear floor in living room

    • clean kitchen and run dishwasher

    • clear downstairs tables and floor and put everything in its place

    • shower and wipe bathroom


    Now we're ready for bed, and we have some free time to do whatever until time to start reading books and laying down with the boys (around 8:30), after which our free time continues until our bedtime.  I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed, as well, because I'm really bad about getting to bed at a decent hour.

    See how it's loose and flexible?  But I'm kept on track by four alarms which remind me to:
    1. Do morning "stuff,"
    2. School the children,
    3. Do dinner and evening "stuff;"
    4. Put the kids to bed.
    I keep my sanity, and am able to continue to love my children, by knowing that I'll have a sanity break before they awaken, around 2 or 3 p.m., and after they go to bed.  Everybody wins!

    If you've had trouble following a schedule in the past, try timepoints and see how that works for you.

Monday, January 28, 2008

  • GTD with Sandy

    In a previous post, I wrote a little about the basics of Getting Things Done (GTD), David Allen's ubiquitous productivity system.  (Don't mind me, ubiquitous is my new favorite word.  If you have a favorite word, suggest it in the comments--my husband will thank you for it.)  People that know me will be shocked to learn that I don't use pencil and paper when I'm GTD - I use technology.

    Specifically, I use two free web services, Sandy and Jott to get my ideas out of my head, and to organize them into contexts, next actions, and projects.  I also use Google Apps for calendar and email.  To stay motivated to process my inboxes every day, I use Don't Break the Chain.  I use very, very little in the way of paper notetaking. 

    I keep my laptop on my kitchen counter through the day.  I use a tabbed browser, and when I boot up my computer in the morning, I get my mail tab, my calendar tab, and Don't Break the Chain.  That's it.  I'm not allowed to open up any forums, blogs, or news sites until 2:00 p.m.  You never met someone who could fritter away ten hours at a pop reading forums and blogs until you met me!

    Gotta love Sandy.  It's like having a personal assistant, except she's digital!  I just want to be able to change her to "Enrique" and I'll be all set. 

    Here's how it works:  I need to get something done.  I email it to Sandy.  The kind of things I email to her look like this:

    Sandy, remember groceries *eggs *butter *bananas
    Sandy, remember to TALK to Mike about the kitchen remodel @Mike
    Sandy, remember to INVITE my mom to lunch @email @todo
    Sandy, remember to CALL to make a well-baby doctor appointment 555-1234 @phone @todo
    Sandy, remember to CALL Carol tomorrow to ask her to babysit 777-8888 @phone @todo
    Sandy, remember to BUY "S" hooks @errands @todo
    Sandy, remember to PREPARE a veggie dish for church next Wednesday @home @todo
    Sandy, remember John Smith's new phone number is 444-5678 @contacts
    Sandy, remember @errands @reminder Tuesday *library *chiropractor *Lowe's *grocery
    Sandy, remember no violin lessons week of 2/3 @reminder @calendar

    This is, quite literally, a brain dump.  I will send such an email to Sandy whenever I think of something that needs to be remembered.  I email her any number of things, any time of the day.

    What's nice about Sandy is she doesn't just keep my brain dump in a jumbled mess.  She organizes it for me, and can regurgitate it on command, as well as send me a nice list each morning.

    When I wake up, sitting in my email inbox is a cordial message from Sandy, telling me my agenda for the day.  I have a nice, neat todo list categorized into my contexts (@errands, @home, @phone, etc.).

    What's more, I can call up any number of lists throughout the day, whenever I like.  Say I am laying down with the baby to nurse him for his nap, and I have time to send some emails or do some work on the computer (gotta love a laptop with a wireless card!).  I simply email Sandy and say, "Sandy, lookup @email" or "Sandy, lookup @computer."  She will immediately email me a list of everything I have on my todo list that I can do at the computer or via email.

    I hate making phone calls.  So when I have one to make, I might as well make several and get it over with.  When the kids are all at the lunch table, I know I have about fifteen minutes.  I'll email Sandy and say, "Sandy, lookup @phone" and promptly receive a list of all the phone calls, with phone numbers, I need to make. 

    While I'm on the phone, say I make an appointment at the doctor, get asked to coordinate meals for a mom with a new baby, find out someone's family needs prayer, and agree to return a book I borrowed from a friend on errand day.  As all these things are happening on the telephone, I'm emailing Sandy like wildfire!  I'll say:

    Sandy, remember a week from Tuesday at 2:20 pediatrician @reminder @calendar
    Sandy, remember set up new project coordinate meals for Jane @JaneMeals @home @todo
    Sandy, remember @errands *return book to Sam @todo
    Sandy, remember to pray for the Johnson family @prayer


    But wait. . .there's more! 

    What if I'm not at home by my trusty laptop?  Well, I call Sandy!  Seriously! 

    It's a service called Jott, where you leave a 30-second voice message, and the folks at Jott transcribe your voice message and email it (or text it) to someone.  I have Jott in my speed-dial in my cell phone.  I call Jott.  They say "who do you want to Jott" and I say "Sandy."  It's time to record my message, and I say "remember to call Jane tomorrow @reminder." 

    No, I'm not kidding.  I really call Sandy.


    But wait. . .even more! 

    Ever been out and about and decided to stop at the store?  This happens to me all the time.  Maybe I need to pay my mortgage (the bank's closest branch is inside a grocery store).  Maybe I know I'm out of my crack Coke and I'll get a monster caffeine headache if I don't pick some up.  Anyway, now  I'm thinking, "oh, geez, here I am at the store and I know we're out of something but what is it. . .

    Sandy will send my grocery list to my telephone via text message.  Seriously!  I can call Jott and say, "Sandy, lookup groceries @sms" and she'll send me my list!  I can also do this with errands, "Sandy, lookup errands @sms."


    There can't be more, can there?

    I use Sandy like a "file cabinet" as well.  For example, most of the recipes I use regularly I get from a parenting forum I frequent, or from allrecipes.com or a similar website.  Guess what?  Every recipe I get, I email it to Sandy to keep for me.  Yep, she'll keep them filed under "recipes" and in alphabetical order.  I can even give them a secondary tag, like the website where I got it, or what kind of recipe it is, as you can tag something as many times as you like.  My email to Sandy will look something like this:

    Sandy, remember Oatmeal Fudge Bars @recipes @yaapsrecipes @desserts (that's the subject line - the actual recipe a copy and paste into the body of the email). 

    Sandy will keep this recipe for me, until I ask her to "lookup @recipes" or "lookup @desserts."

    I keep all manner of things like this.  The measurements of the bedroom windows.  The size of tires Mike's car takes.  And guess what?  Sandy will text any of these things to my cell phone if I happen to be out away from my computer and needing the info.

    Where does Don't Break the Chain come in?  Well, I get to "X out" another day if I used some time that morning to get all my inboxes processed an empty.  That means email inbox, empty.  Mailbox, empty.  Inbox, empty.  Voicemail mailbox {sigh, this is a hard one for me}, empty.  Everything processed and sitting on a context/next action list waiting for me. 


    So if you're GTD the low-tech way, please ignore this whole post.  Seriously.  This system works for me because I worked in an office for years, and I had an assistant for many of those years.  I am totally used to spewing a "brain dump" on my assistant so he/she could help me remember important things in an organized way.  It's just something I've grown accustomed to doing.  Not to mention, I've organized my life and the lives of my coworkers using a computer calendar, task list, and email client for years!  It's second-nature to me, so there's very little in the way of a learning curve.

    If low-tech ain't broke, don't fix it.  But if you're used to using a laptop/cellphone/pda/smartphone/blackberry, and you'd like to try GTD the high-tech way, I highly recommend both Sandy (Enrique as soon as I can figure out how to rename/regender her!) and Jott. 



  • Getting Things Done (GTD)

    I've been reading a lot lately about David Allen's system of Getting Things Done, and I think there's something there for me.  Typically, I don't get a lot from books that help neurotypical people get organized, but really, this one was worth my time to read, I think.

    You should get the book.  But while you're waiting on queue at the library for it, here it is in a nutshell:

    • Dump everything out of your brain.  Get it written down somewhere.  Stop thinking about it so you can sleep or think about other things.
    • Have a system in place to look at it again every day (he calls it processing it) once it's out of your brain.  If you don't have a regular, reliable system to get back to it, you will subconsciously know and will not be able to get it out of your brain.  Your brain will stubbornly hold onto it, afraid you'll forget to do it.
    • Keep to-do lists (he calls them "next actions" in the form of "contexts" (this is where you will be when you do the task).  For example, @home, @ work, @computer, @phone. . . you get the idea.
    • Keep project lists and have a to-do (next action) for every project, or put it in a tickler system to pop up later.


    For a low-tech way to get things done, you'll need:
    1.  A notebook or several to keep with you all the time - in your purse, in the car, in your pocket, beside your bed, etc.  Pens, lots of them.
    2.  A separate, distinct notebook in which to keep your contexts.
    3.  Optional - a third notebook in which to keep your project lists.  Alternatively, you can just keep the projects on the last page of the contexts notebook.
    4.  Regular manila file folders, a file cabinet or crate, and a labelmaker.


    Here's a low-tech way to Get Things Done (GTD):
    1.  Brain dump.  Have a notebook and pen handy all the time to write things down as soon as you think of them.  Get in the habit of writing things down constantly so you don't have to hold them in your brain/try to remember them.

    2.  Inboxes.  Process your inboxes every day.  That means wherever stuff comes into your realm, you need to get it back out. 
    -Your paper inbox - empty it every day
    -Your mailbox - empty it and open all your mail every day
    -Your email inbox - empty it every day
    -Your voice mail box - empty it every day
    -Your notebook where you write everything down - empty it every day.

    3.  What do you do when you empty (process) your inboxes?  You ACT on it if it'll take less than two minutes or so.  You decide on a NEXT ACTION if it's longer than two minutes.  Or you DISCARD it or FILE it or put it in a TICKLER.  That's it.  Five possible choices.

    4.  Contexts Notebook.  A low-tech way to  manage your to-do lists (contexts) - get a notebook and dedicate a page to each context.  Write an old-fashioned heading at the top of the page and that's your context.    It might look like this:

    Page 1:  @Email
    EMAIL John to tell him the date of the meeting
    EMAIL church group to

    Page 2:  @Phone
    CALL doctor to make appointment for baby 555-1234
    CALL mom to invite to lunch 777-8888

    Page 3:  @Husband
    ASK M to call mom to get sitter
    DISCUSS kitchen remodel

    Page 4:  @Home
    ORGANIZE recipes
    PRINT Phone list
    DECLUTTER Spare Room

    Page 5:  @Errands
    BUY Paperclips
    LOWES "S" hooks

    Page 6:  @Groceries
    Milk
    Bread
    Eggs
    Peanut Butter
    Bananas

    I'm finding that it's much easier to manage what needs done this way, for several reasons.  First off, it makes my to-do lists much more manageable when they're broken into separate contexts and headed with an action word.  Second off, my calendar is much less cluttered.  The only things that go onto my calendar are things that MUST be done that day.  Other things are on the context lists, which makes my calendar more manageable.  Finally, it really is true that if I'm committed to looking at this notebook every single day without fail, I don't worry about what might be lurking out there that I'm going to forget.

    5.  Project lists.  Every project you have will go on this list (a separate notebook or simply the last page of the notebook you're using).  You will look at this project list weekly to make sure you have a "next action" for each project on a context list somewhere.  Examples of projects are Redecorate House (next action might be DECLUTTER spare room); Hang Light Fixture (next action would be BUY "S" hooks); Plan trip (next action might be CALL babysitter or RESEARCH hotel rooms).

    6.  Files.  Straight alphabetical files.  If you want to keep it, put it in a file folder and label the folder.  Even if it's one piece of paper - that's OK.  Everything you want to keep, just put it in a file and don't worry about purging until you run out of storage space.  Don't leave it lying around your house - put it in a labeled file.  If you need to be reminded of it later - use your calendar as a "tickler" system to remind you to pull the file when you need it.  If it's a project, file it anyway - you'll be reminded when you look at your project letter every week.


    OK, so here's what it'll look like:

    All day long    :  every time something happens you'll need to remember, or you have a thought you'll need to remember, write it down or put it in your physical inbox.  Or call yourself and leave a voice mail.  Or email yourself.  Get it into an inbox or notebook somewhere and out of your head.

    Once each day at a regular time:  Empty all your inboxes, and process the contents.  Decide if you'll ACT on it now, write a NEXT ACTION in your contexts, FILE it in a labeled manila folder, DISCARD it or CALENDAR it (write it on your calendar, if there's an associated paper, file the paper).

    Once each week at a regular time:  Look at your projects list and make sure that every active project has a NEXT ACTION in your contexts notebook.

    Periodically:  Review your life goals and make sure you're happy with where you're headed and feeling on-track.

    That's it.  You can do it.  Just like the laundry system, you'll have tweaks as you go, but don't think about those now.  You'll just get too overwhelmed.  Go buy notebooks, pencils, manila folders and a labelmaker, and a basic calendar.  Set up your contexts.  Just get started.  You'll be amazed how much better you'll sleep when you know you'll put your eyes on your lists tomorrow, and nothing is going to slip through the cracks.

    If you're going to try GTD (my low-tech version or something else) write a comment and let me know how it's going.

    Later, I'll post about how I do GTD with technology, if you're more inclined to go high-tech.

    Good luck!

Friday, January 18, 2008

  • The ADD-proof Laundry System

    First, my apologies to both-my-dear-readers for the space of time between posts.  I have a whole host of posts ready to be written, but something stupid is keeping me from doing it. 

    You see, I don't like the way my blog looks or functions, and I've been trying to find time to research other sites and how they function.  Consequently, I've been paralyzed around all issues concerning my blog.  Sounds silly to someone neurotypical, but you ADDers will know just what I mean.

    Anyway, once I recognized the source of my paralysis, I decided to just post.  Hopefully, that decision will stick!

    Back to the laundry system.

    Prior to diagnosis and treatment, we had clothing everywhere.  Draped over furniture, in (formerly neatly folded) piles on surfaces, on over-door hooks, in the laundry room - just everywhere.  I felt like between paperwork and clothing I just couldn't keep on top of anything!

    Enter, the ADD-proof laundry system.  The only thing it takes is a couple days to set it up and the commitment to keep putting things in their place once they have places.  You can do it!

    1)  Get supplies.
    • 7 to 10 full-size laundry baskets, any variety and color
    •  15 10-12 gallon Rubbermaid™ containers (anything around that size and waterproof).  If you can't afford to get that many, start with five and collect more later, but it's preferable to just go get them.  The time and money having a system already in place will save you will make up for this expense, I promise.
    • A roll of masking tape and a sharpie, or a Brother P-touch labelmaker.
    • A wire shelving unit that will fit in your laundry room, with one shelf per family member and an extra space for linen closet items.  If you have very young children, add a bag with handles to each child's shelf, large enough to contain a load of neatly folded laundry.
    • If you don't have one already, a shelf to hold laundry supplies.
    • A bowl (for loose change, chapstick, rocks, and other unpredictable things found in pockets of boys of all ages)
    • A way (besides dresser drawers or hangers) to store clean clothing for each family member.  More on this later.  This will include hooks easily at family member's level for "clirty" clothing.
    2)  Set it up.
    • Choose one laundry basket for transportation of clean laundry from the laundry room to clean clothes storage.  If it's not a separate color, label it on all four sides with your masking tape/sharpie or your Brother P-touch.
    • Decide how you're going to sort dirty laundry and label the rest of your baskets.  Some people sort by lights/darks.  I prefer to sort by family member, so the heavy fabrics and fasteners on my husband's clothing don't prematurely wear holes in my clothing, and so the occasional missed pocket item (rosin, for example {sigh}) in the boys' laundry doesn't ruin mine or the baby's.  Write down your sorting system, then label your baskets on all four sides and set them up in your laundry room.  My system is as follows:
      • Boys' clothing
      • Baby clothing
      • My clothing
      • Mike's clothing
      • Whites (everyone's)
      • Towels/cloths/rags
      • Bed Linens
    • Now label your plastic containers.  These are for outgrown, out of season, or extra clothing.  You will have these.  What are you going to do with them when it happens?  If you don't have empty bins ready, they will end up in your regular clothing storage area, and spilling out/draped all over your home.  Just do it now and save yourself the trouble.
      • Newborn/3 months
      • 6-9 months
      • 12 months
      • 18 months
      • 24 months/2T
      • 3T/4T
      • 5T/5
      • 6/6X
      • 7/8
      • 10/12
      • 14/16
      • Adult Male
      • Adult Female
      • Maternity
      • Goodwill/Freecycle
    It is important that you label all four sides of the bin, and also the top.  So if you have a handy-dandy Brother P-touch, you can just tell it to print you five copies.  Otherwise, you must take the time to handwrite all five labels.  This is so no matter how it's turned or what's on top of it, you can see what's in the bin.

    I don't have girls, but honestly, enough stuff is unisex that even if I had girls, I wouldn't bother having another set of bins.  The point of this system is simplicity, and that it's not only outgrown stuff, it's out of season stuff and extra stuff.  If you have a boy, let's just call the frilly pink dress "extra" and leave it in the bin.
    • Now label your shelving unit, one shelf per family member
    • Designate a central place for dirty laundry.  If you have a laundry chute, great.  If you don't, I'd recommend having family members toss laundry down the stairs, maybe into a large laundry basket sitting at the bottom of the stairs.  Seriously, when you want to do laundry, you don't want to go traipsing around the house and up stairs searching for dirty clothing.  And you don't want dirty clothing overflowing hampers and draped all over the house until laundry day.  Just have a chute or a system so your family members can get it in the central place, the first time, and you don't have to go get it on laundry day.
    • Finally, designate clean clothing storage.  The requirements are that it be easy for your family member to put his own laundry away, even if he's two.  And even if he has ADD.  This means no dresser drawers, which are disaster for children and ADDers.  It also means no hangers, because if an ADDer has to take an extra step with a hanger, he will just drape it over the bed or leave it in a heap on the floor.
    Here is what works for us:  for the boys, one underbed box and one drawer for each boy.  The underbed box holds four pair athletic pants, six pair pants/jeans, ten shirts/sweaters/sweatshirts.  The drawer holds underwear and pajamas.  Label, label, label. 

    For the baby:  a regular five-drawer bureau.  Drawer one:  undershirts and socks.  Drawers two and three:  Shirts and pants.  Drawer four: one-piece outfits.  Drawer five:  pajamas.  Label, label, label.

    For the adult ADDers in the house, open shelving.  I am personally using wire cubes right now.  Mike is building shelves into his closet. 

    If clothes need hung, use hooks or these clips from Ikea (they're for curtains, you could probably also get them at Target or Bed, Bath & Beyond or something).  Do not expect a young child or an ADDer of any age to use hangers.

    Finally, each family member needs a designated place for "clirty" clothes.  These are clothes that were worn once, but can be worn again because they're  not mussed, visibly dirty, or stinky.  For us, that would be two hooks each for clothing and pajamas get placed under the pillow.

    • Decide how many clothes each family member needs in a week.  It will be individual, but decide it, because hand-me-downs/gifts/all manner of extra clothing will sneak in and overflow your storage if you're not careful.  The whole point is to make it easy and simple, and to keep clothing from being draped all over your house!  For my boys, it's ten tops, ten bottoms.  We don't dress up much, but if we needed "Sunday best" or whatever, it would be two more outfits that are nicer and kept separate from the everyday wear, probably in my room and under my control so they're not worn to play in the mud.  For me, it's five "yoga pants" type outfits and five "jeans or khakis" type outfits, plus a few nicer outfits.  I currently have "extra" nicer outfits because I just quit my two-day-a-week office job, and don't need so many anymore.  They need to go into storage in the laundry room.  My husband wears uniforms to work, so he needs about five "jeans or khakis" type outfits and just a couple "workout clothes" and "yard work" type outfits. 
    3)  OK, you're ready for the system.  Everything is in place, ready to go.  Now, go!

    On your laundry day (I need two laundry days a week because I can't devote a whole day, seeing as how I have a baby who wants some of my time) devote your time to laundry and related tasks.  That means, on laundry day, you're mostly in the laundry room while you're doing laundry.  Don't try to throw in a load and then come up and make dinner.  Stay in the laundry room.

    Whatever will you do there?  Well, is your laundry room neat and tidy?  If you're an ADDer like me, probably not.  Is your mending caught up?  If you're like me, you have sixteen things in the mending basket that need patched/altered/button sewn on.   My laundry room is situated in the basement, and if I ever get the laundry area completely cleaned and organized, I can branch out into the rest of the horribly overcrowded, overcluttered, messy basement storage.  Don't worry, there will be plenty of laundry-related/laundry room-related things for you to do on laundry day, in between sorting/folding/ironing if you do that.

    If you discipline yourself to only do laundry- and clothing-related tasks while laundry is in the washer, you'll almost completely eliminate that lovely experience of going down to put laundry in only to find a pile of wet, stinking laundry in the washer that's been there mildewing for days.

    System step one, if it's clothing and it's in your house, it's either part of the family member's allotment of clean, folded, well-fitting and in-season clothing and is in clean clothing storage, or it's in the laundry chute.  Do not any longer allow clothing to be draped all over the house.  It will take a little while, but "train" yourself and your family members to put all clothing in one of two places - the storage or the laundry chute.

    System step two, on laundry day, go down there and
    1.  Sort all the clothes in the laundry chute into your dirty clothes basket, and start a load
    2.  Fold clothing right out of the dryer.
    3.  If it's part of the family member's allotted clothing, put it, neatly folded, on his clean clothing shelf.
    4.  If it's out of season, or if you remember it fitting the kid a little tightly last time you saw it on him, put it, laundered and neatly folded, in a labeled plastic bin according to its size. 
    5.  When family members no longer have clean clothes on their shelves or in their underbed bins, it's time to visit the laundry room to bring some up and put it away.  Kids as young as 2 can do this.  If he's too young to carry up a stack of neatly folded laundry without spilling it everywhere, bag it up for him.  He can put away his laundry, and then drop the bag right back down the laundry chute to be refilled with clean clothing next laundry day. 
    6.  The laundry basket designated for clean laundry is for things too voluminous to carry up in a neat stack.  For us, this is bath towels, kitchen cloths, cloth diapers. 

    So there it is, in a nutshell.  Clothing is in one of two places, only.  We have clean (and clirty), well-fitting, in-season clothing storage that's adequate for the amount of clothing worn weekly and easy for each family member to manage.  We have a central place for all other clothing (being the clothing that's NOT clean, or well-fitting, or in season) that is well-labeled and easy for the laundry goddess to manage.  Clothing is in one of those two places, and the house is so much the better for it.

    It may seem overwhelming to think about taking your house from "clothing draped all over" to "a well-ordered laundry system" but you can do it!  My recommendation is to do it without thinking too much about it.  In other words, implement *my* system without overthinking it (which can cause paralysis in us ADDers) and without changing it too much right off the bat.  Just go get your supplies, label everything, and set it up. 

    I guarantee you'll have tweaks and changes here and there based on your family size and makeup, your family's habits, and so on.  But try not to think about what those tweaks and changes will be at the outset, so as not to paralyze yourself.

    You can do it!

    If you decide that you need to implement a laundry system, and this post was helpful to you at all, leave a comment to let me know!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

  • I have pictures!

    I know, it's been a terribly long time since my last blog entry.  But, BMDR (Both My Dear Readers), I'm making it up to you.  I have pictures!

    Money management.  If you have ADD, it's a given that typically, you will be scared out of your wits by money management.  But I had no earthly idea how much emotional baggage was holding me back from getting this area of my life under control.

    Since being diagnosed and treated for ADD, my house is neater, cleaner, and more organized.  I'm getting better and better at keeping up with friends and family.  When I worked outside the home, I was more productive at my job.  Everything was easier for me to get a handle on, once I was diagnosed and adequately treated.  Except. . .money management.

    I'm a great budgeter.  We can live on any income we have, so long as I know what it is in advance.  I can figure out our net pay, our giving and savings, and calculate discretionary and nondiscretionary spending faster than you can say "boo."  But for some reason, I couldn't get the bills paid, no matter how hard I tried.  I've set up systems, and my systems failed, one by one.  I instituted overdraft protection, but I would just drain my savings and then continue to rack up overdraft charges.  I could pay attention to my checking account for exactly two weeks before I would make a math error, or forget to record a check or payment, and things were bouncing again.

    In October, we decided I would leave my half-time job to homeschool our children full time, meaning a cut in our net pay.  It was time to get serious.  There could be no more frittering away our money with bank fees, overdraft charges, and late payment fees.  We just no longer have any to spare.  We needed a system, and more than that, we needed a system that will work.  We believed the key to that working system would be simplicity.  Mike had to be able to do it just as easily as I.  In fact, it would be good if the system were so simple and self-evident, any stranger could walk into our house and figure out how to pay the bills.

    Presenting, pictures of our system!  Here is our bill-paying binder. 
    The first sleeve has unpaid bills. 
    The second sleeve has pens, the checkbook, stamps, and envelopes. 
    Then comes our bill calendar for 2008, which is pre-printed with the due dates of regular payments that do not get mailed to us, such as the car payment (for which we have a coupon book) or our charitable giving. 
    Finally, we have pages of address labels for regular payees who do not send us handy-dandy return envelopes,
    and return address labels.

    Let's start at the mailbox, shall we?  Mail comes, and it stays in the mailbox until someone has two minutes to sort it.  Under no circumstances may anyone bring in mail and leave it lying on a table or sofa.  If you can't put it away, leave it alone until you can. 

    Mail comes in, is opened, and sorted.  Garbage and junk mail get shredded.  Magazines and catalogs go to their basket (and old issues are purged).  Information that will need to be kept, like insurance policies, are filed.  And most importantly, bills get entered on their due date, on the bill paying calendar in the binder, and then filed in that handy-dandy plastic sleeve. 

    Twice a month my husband gets paid, and bills must be paid.  It does not take very long to pull out the bill binder, pay all the bills between now and the next payday, record the payments in the check register, and put them in the mailbox.  I have one day a week where I'm scheduled to push paper in the form of lesson planning for the kids, typing, organizing, and bill paying if necessary.  But if I haven't done it on that regular day, and payday comes, that's our deadline.  Someone's sitting down to pay bills on payday, and no later.  (Rules, people.  Hard-and-fast rules that everyone agrees to and that cannot under any circumstance be broken.  Being a hard-ass is key to the success of any system.)

    How do we keep from bouncing checks?  We no longer use our checking account for anything save paying the semimonthly bills.  The checkbook and the debit cards live in the binder.  They do not hang out in our wallets or in our pockets, ever.  We use folding cash or credit cards for the day-to-day spending.  The only time the checkbook or debit card gets used is payday.  We sit down on payday and empty out the checking account, relegating said money to our giving, our savings account, any cash we will need in the next couple weeks, and credit card payments.  Then, we put it away until the next payday.  This, in my opinion, based on my vast experience living with me, is the only way to prevent me from bouncing checks and overdrawing a checking account.  Overdraft protection doesn't help.  Checking the account daily can't be sustained despite my  best intentions.  The only way is this way:  we simply do not use the account day-to-day.

    Once the bills are paid, they go here. 
    Pretty, yes?  They go in the red, because this is where our liabilities live.  Seeing as how our ADD forces us to keep it simple enough to maintain it, there aren't very many files here.  There are files marked "paid bills" with quarterly dates.  Jan-Mar 2008.  Apr-Jun 2008.  You get the idea.  Easy enough to drop the wad of stubs from the paid bills in the correct red folder and be finished with the filing.

    Notice, no drawer, no lid, no cover.  Another ADD trick - don't cover it up or it'll never get used.  We store our clothes out in open shelving as well - if we have to open a drawer we'll give up and just throw the pile  of clean clothes on the floor.  Same concept with the filing.  Keep it simple!

    Just in case you are interested, the rest of the colors are:  Purple is information (for example, take out menus); red is, as previously mentioned, liabilities (bills, credit cards, student loans); green is money (checking and savings accounts); blue is household (receipts for major purchases, insurance info, mortgage, etc.); yellow is coupons, as I'm such a die-hard couponer I need that much organization to keep them all straight.

    Oh, the emotional toll, though.  I knew we needed a system, I knew it was important, but I had no clue how difficult it would be for me to force myself to follow the system.  Every morning when the mail comes, it's a battle within myself to get it and open it.  After an entire adult life messing up your money, mail usually contains bad news.  There are bills you forgot about, collection notices, bills you can't pay because you've gotten so behind, and all manner of surprises.  I have been thoroughly conditioned to be afraid of the mail, and to want to stick my head in the sand. 

    Add to that the self-loathing I didn't know I'd accumulated over all those years I thought the effects of my undiagnosed disease was a character flaw, and I'm doomed from the start!  No wonder I've been unable to stick to any system in the past!

    Well, I'm happy to report that my husband and I have set up this system and have been keeping each other accountable for following it.  Sometimes he gets the mail, sometimes I do, but we always follow our system for filing away bills that arrive.  And we've sat down to pay the bills, on time, and it didn't kill me.  It  hurt a little bit, but I really did live to tell the tale.  I felt the fear and did it anyway!

    So far, it's working.  So I'm blogging, in case one of BMDRs have ADD as well and would like to plagiarize my system for personal finance.  Steal it all you like, if it'll work for you. 

      
           

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

  • It's Not a Character Defect

    OK, so everyone has a character defect.  In other words, nobody's perfect!

    But it's really tough that when one exhibits the signs of a mental illness, the first thing one thinks is not, "I wonder if she's had a full workup.  It seems like there's something going on there."  No.  That's not what one thinks.

    I'm reading a book right now called Why Do Christians Shoot Their Wounded? and it describes how many, many Christians do not believe that mental illness is something that should be treated medically.  Instead, they think it's something that will go away if you pray harder, read more scripture, and generally do the right combination of things.

    I attend a pretty radical church.  In fact, it's not really a church at all; rather, it's a fellowship of Christian believers that meet in houses to study the Bible.  They pride themselves, in general, on not being like the cultural Christians of today.  They like to say that you can't do anything to be right with God, grace is a free gift for anyone who will receive it.  (If you attend this church and are reading this blog entry, please be sure to read my disclaimer at the end of this post.)

    They're right about grace.  You don't have to do anything to be right with God.  But they, exactly like the "churchy" Christians they are priding themselves on NOT being, often claim emotional difficulties can be "cured" with enough prayer, bible study, and "body life." In other words, it's not an illness that can be treated medically.  It's a character defect that can be fixed if you do the right things.  To use "Christianese," you have a SIN problem.

    There's one huge problem with that way of thinking.  If you have a such a huge "character defect," and you go years and years doing the right things, and it doesn't go away. . .you can imagine what this does to your view of yourself.  Not to mention your faith in a God who is supposed to fix this flaw in you and use you for his purposes. . .and doesn't.  Does he not love you like the Bible claims he does?  Does he just have more hoops for you to jump through, more things for you to do, and you just haven't figure out yet what?  Are you just so broken you're not worth God's time?

    Sometimes you will hear a church official concede that there is a "place" for medication sometimes in mental illnesses, and that place is to get you functioning so you can then fix the spiritual problem, the SIN problem, and get off the drugs.  However, there is no place for long-term medication in treating mental illness.

    I will review the book once I'm finished reading it, but one thing that has struck me so far is how physical many mental disorders are.  Just like bodily diseases like diabetes and epilepsy that are controlled for life by medication, there are chemical, physical problems in the brain that will not be solved by prayer, barring a miracle.  Now, I'm a believer in miracles, but we all know that they don't happen all that often in this day and age.  Probably good to pray, but continue to take your insulin if you're diabetic.  Probably good to pray, seek counseling, participate in fellowship, read your Bible, serve. . .and take your lithium if you're bipolar.  Or your clozapine if you're schizophrenic.  Or. . .your amphetamine, if you have ADD. 

    Christians don't have the corner on poor treatment of people with emotional difficulties.  Don't think I'm bashing Christians; in fact, I am one myself!  People of all faiths or no faith are guilty of calling mental health sufferers "weird" or "off" or just "not very nice."  Blaming the person that's ill for their issues is easy for anyone to do.  I mean, consider the symptoms.  When I'm unmedicated and untreated, as I was for thirty-plus years pre-diagnosis, I:

    • Don't look people in the eye when I talk with them;
    • Speak too loudly for the situation at hand;
    • Interrupt people when they're talking to me in order to say what I'm thinking;
    • Talk over people to get my point across;
    • Say things that sound critical of others (even when I don't mean them to be) and then fail to notice the body language and social cues that telegraph I hurt someone's feelings or made them angry;
    • Get distracted in the middle of a conversation and inappropriately change the subject or walk away;
    • Give in to an impulsive behavior without thinking through the consequences, such as disclosing private information to one person about another;
    • Forget to return people's phone calls;
    • Fail to return emails and paper correspondence;
    • Forget people's birthdays and other important days; and
    • Become overwhelmed in large social groups.
    I sound like a real fun gal to be friends with, huh?  Now, it's not so bad to admit I behave this way when untreated for a medical condition.  However, it's pretty disheartening to be told for years, and to actually believe, that all this is a character defect, a SIN problem, and if I read enough scripture and pray enough and do all the right things, God will gradually make me better at this stuff.  So. . .what does it mean when I'm thirty years old and I'm no better at this stuff?

    I do believe the central message of the Bible is true; that is, God wants a personal relationship with each of us for all of eternity, and he has provided a way for us to be at peace with him while he still remains fully loving and fully just.  I actually believe everything the Bible has to say for us.  It's a pretty amazing book.  I do NOT, however, any longer believe this invention of Christian people--this belief that just because we think we know a lot about the character of God, we can go around telling people their diseases are their fault, and they have to do something so that God will fix them up.

    God gave us brains, and science, and medicine, and doctors, and research, and common sense for a reason!  Many Christians, my fellow Xenoids in particular, pride themselves in their ability to have faith without leaving their brains at the door.  My dear brothers and sisters in Christ, please learn some basic scientific facts about mental illnesses and emotional disorders before explaining to your disciples the "place" medication has in their treatment plans.  And then next time someone with a lifelong pattern of being manic/mouthy/morose/interruptive/obnoxious/timid/otherwise difficult is at your home church meeting, consider whether this apparent SIN problem is actually, well, not.


    DISCLAIMER:  Please know that nothing in this weblog entry refers specifically to anyone in any home church of which I've been a member, including and especially my fabulous peeps at Encompass, who love me as I am, warts and all, for which I'm exceedingly and humbly grateful.  Sheesh, runon sentence much?

Monday, November 05, 2007

  • Nursing Around Adderall

    If you've ever nursed a baby, you know that doctors know squat about drugs and breastfeeding.  In fact, they'll usually just tell you what the drug manufacturers say, which is "don't take this drug while breastfeeding."

    Ladies and gentlemen, this statement is called c.y.a.  It gives us no useful information about how much of the drug tranfers into the breastmilk, what theoretical dose the infant consumes, or what the drug actually DOES to the infant, if anything.

    Enter the world's foremost expert on medications and mothers' milk, Dr. Thomas Hale, whose book is entitled, oddly, Medication and Mothers' Milk

    This is where you get the info on the drug, how it passes into breastmilk and in what quantities, how it could affect your baby, and importantly, what the half-life of the drug is.  He's done the research nobody else has done on this subject.

    Half-life information helps you nurse around the drug, if need be.  It helps you know when the drug is at its peak levels in your bloodstream (and breastmilk) and when it's no longer in your system.  This is the information I use to monitor and limit the amount of Adderall in my baby's body.

    And oddly enough, even though the pharmaceutical companies give doctors absolutely no information other than their c.y.a. blanket statement, even though the medical journals and the P.D.R. have no useful information, you know what the doctor will tell you when you show them the Hale?  He'll say, "let me look at my own stuff."  Yep, that's going to be helpful to you.

  • Sleeping with ADD

    Often a symptom of ADD is having trouble sleeping.  And guess what, being overtired will definitely exacerbate your inattentiveness the next day.  It doesn't take long before you're in a vicious cycle of not sleeping at night and not functioning during the day.

    Here are some tricks to getting to sleep and getting the most sleep you can if you have ADD:

    1.  Take a notebook to bed.  If you have a control notebook like I describe here, that much the better.  Bring it.  If you have thoughts whirling about inside your head that you can't lose, write them down.  It will take you five or ten minutes to write down what's bugging you, so you can stop thinking about it and go to sleep.  If you don't write it down and stop thinking about it, you'll be up on-and-off for much of the night.

    2.  Take something to focus on to bed with you.  When I was younger, I used to take fiction to bed and read until the book fell out of my hand.  I couldn't just read until I was sleepy, because by the time I set down the book and turned off the light, my thoughts would be racing again, and sleepy or no, I was awake.  The book had to literally fall out of my hand.  If you use this method, it's good to have a housemate turn off your light for you, or set it on a timer.

    These days, I use my MP3 player with a good book downloaded.  Luckily, I can get audiobooks free with my library card in my city.  I set my player to turn off automatically in 30 minutes, lay back, get comfortable, and listen to a good story until I'm asleep.

    3.  Turn off the lights and get rid of the noise.  Take a few minutes to figure out how to get it very dark and very quiet in your bedroom.  Because if you're like me, if a noise or light wakes you up, your thoughts start racing all over again and you're up.  If you must read to get to sleep, put your light on a timer.  Try a white noise machine or a fan if you have household or street noise you need to block out.

    4.  Figure out a way to get back to sleep quickly if you wake up in the middle of the night.  I have to have my MP3 player handy and put it back on right away if I'm awakened in the middle of the night (for example, when the baby needs to nurse).  I latch on the baby, and push play on my audio book, before my mind has time to think of anything else that will keep me awake and worrying my thoughts.  Likewise, if you read to sleep, keep a flashlight or book light nearby so you don't have to turn your bright lamp back on.

    5.  Go to bed and get up at as close to the same time every day as possible.  Get a routine going at night (I know, I know, ADD + routine?!?) so your body gets the same signal every night that it's time to wind down.

    6.  Keep the temperature cool in the bedroom.   It's easier to stay asleep in a cooler room, under a warm blanket.

    7.  Keep your clock turned to the wall and don't sit and stress about being up late/being up in the middle of the night/being up.  The more you think about it and stress about it, the harder it will be to get back to sleep.  Don't think about how you're going to feel like crap in the morning.  Remember that you will get through your day, it won't be as bad as you think, and calmly return your mind to where it needs to be to fall back asleep.

    If you can do everything you can to STAY asleep once you get asleep, you'll enable your body to go through all its sleep cycles.  This is imperative to feeling well-rested and able to function the next day.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

  • Having Friends In

    Is it hard for you to have friends in?  I'm happy to say, for us, the answer is "not anymore."

    Now, I've always said, if you've come to see me, come anytime.  If you've come to see my house, make an appointment.

    I've always said it.  But I still was always vaguely embarrassed by the messiness of my house when people surprised me with a visit.  And if people did "make an appointment," it was always preceded with my husband and I racing frantically around the house sweeping messes into boxes, bags, and laundry baskets to hide somewhere, shutting off unused rooms, and wiping down whatever we could.

    We're having people in tomorrow, for the first time since we've both been adequately and consistently treated for our ADD.  Man, what a difference it is!  We're calm, we're collected, and the unavoidable emergency doesn't throw us for a loop.

    At our weekly meeting on Wednesday, I reminded my husband that people were coming over Saturday night.  I then penciled in a few hours on Saturday night, when he arrived home from work, for the four of us to clean up a bit.

    This afternoon, I made a list of what needed done, so the four of us would have some direction this evening.  It looked like this:

    • Wipe down kitchen and dining room with hot soapy water (we have a sweet little guy with a peanut allergy coming)
    • Mop the kitchen floor
    • Wipe down the bathroom
    • Dust the furniture on the first floor
    • Clear and dust the stairs (we always have clutter on the stairs because we throw things in that general direction if they need to go up)
    • Straighten the kids' room
    • Run the Roomba (no, I'm not embarrassed to own a vaccuuming robot!)
    That's it!  It was all that was needed.  There was no clutter to hide and no piles of things to find a place for.  Our house was not too dirty to begin with.  It took us no time, even with "Baby Interruptus."  I helped the kids straighten their room, they dusted the furniture and cleared/dusted the stairs.  I straightened the living room and master bedroom, Mike wiped down the kitchen an d the dining room and wiped down the bathroom.  Easy peasy!
    Even when Mike had to suddenly stop what he was doing to fix a water back-up in the basement laundry room, it did not throw us off and make us stay up way too late or leave things undone, like has happened in the past.  Our house is pleasant, just a little neater than it usually is without being freakishly tidy, and we are not stressed to the max.
    I'm telling you, there is no way this could ever, ever have happened pre-Adderall.  I have said for a while now, the peace I feel living in my home clutter-free is worth it's weight in gold; my blood pressure is ten points lower just by virtue of not having to look daily, hourly at mess.  But not having to rush around like a crazy person when company's coming?  Priceless.