Will-fucking-power
I try to understand. I'll never understand. I can't understand. Addiction is the one word I wish I could eliminate from my life. It's something I do, and it's something many around me do. Smoking. Drinking. Coffee drinking. Pop. Nail biting. Hair playing. Sex. We all have dabbled in a few of these choice areas. However some take it to a new level. Where it's no longer occasional, and in moderation, it's frequent. Then to addiction, the need, the thirst for what it is you need.
Addiction runs in my family like blood in our veins. This isn't the good addictions either. This is the life changing addictions, that ruins lives and causes those you love to leave. I had an uncle, never knew ya. Most likely dead due to the shit. Sad? never knew ya.
I don't mean to underscore serious addictions because I frankly have no clue what there like. I bit my nails since I was 5 years old. I was told to stop for years. Never gonna happen I said. Well when you have a family history as mine. You like to prove that you can beat addiction no matter how miniscule it may seem. I bit my nails for 15 years. I quit in one day. Check them out, there perfectly good now. Not good enough?
I live, breathe, eat, sleep, drink, crave POP. I drink 5 cans daily. Maybe more sometimes, maybe less, because who doesn't leave some half empty. or half full? Well with pop it was always half empty, never enough. I was addicited to that caffeine burn. I was told I should quit cause its not good for you. Ha the one thing I'm addicted too. I stopped drinking it for two weeks. The only reason I started too drink it again, was because I got the worst headaches ever. So I drank some here and there to beat the pain. Sound familiar?
Well I am down to two cans a day, working on one. Basically can stop, but the headaches are equivalent to migranes. Look it up, it even says so. I got the kool-aid man rockin out my fridge now.
And depression. Don't get me started on depression. Take a trip to your house where your happy family and kids love you and are there for you when you get home, a warm meal, and a good job to make a life with. Now take a trip across the world where food is weekly, and if not most likely will be there next week, hopefully not rotten, but you'll take what you can get. A place where you bathe in the same water that you piss and shit in. Life isn't that bad. But I understand that disease, I've battled that one. So I know it's not really even about that.
Your home is a prison? Did you see the fence you built? It's not a fence it's a mother fuckin fortress, marveled by every single person who walks by it and sees it. Ever thought of architecture?
I don't know what else to do. Other then to say if you want to fucking quit, you can beat it. Fucking try harder, everyones here. We're waiting for your return visit. You came back once. Do you remember? Let me remind you.
This is me in kindergarten. I have a picture for you, it's a picture of us, when you notice that scribbled square in your hand you wonder what it is. "what is that?"
"It's a can daddy. You're always thirsty." Do you remember that feeling. You must, you remembered it for 17 years. Kids know, they always know. Now we all know.
No more excuses. No more lies. You need to beat this. because I can't save you this time.
| 
