It seemeth that I keep myself sane, out of depression, and pressing forward by removing myself from the present circumstances and setting, and visiting back the good ol sbbc sb days. the good old days in the Word with young at starbucks and borders day in and day out. fellowshipping over the Word day in and day out. teaching and discipling guys the Word. hearing great preaching that was soaked in and saturated with the Word. my soul feels the most warm and refreshed thinking about those days and hoping for those kinds of days in the future being in the Word with faithful ministers of the Word of God for God and faithful brothers and sisters who saturate themselves with the Scriptures and love for God, and humbly, joyfully, dwell as doorkeepers at the house of their God than the tents of the wicked.

as for now... God, may you grant me the grace, strength, and joy to dwell, even if alone, at your door as a mere doorkeeper through life and death, hunger and thirst, cold and heat, snow and sleet, and to count that infinitely greater and joyful than to dwell in the temporary feeble tents of the wicked. and to bring as many people that you grant to come, to dwell and to commune with you on your Word and with speaking with the God of the Scriptures. God may you grant that here... For your glory and for my comfort, encouragement, accountability, and sanity. And if that's not your will, may my comfort and all my peace be in that your will is done, and that you cause all things to work together for me as I love you. To you be all the glory forever and ever. Amen.

It takes a lot of training, effort, will, and disciple to become a doctor who saves and helps lives. Hard undergraduate classes, MCATS, even harder classes in medical school, then your residency and being on call, and in the end, finally getting your medical license. What if finally, after all your trainding and education, you learn how to use the medical tools and surgical instruments, and you know how to treat almost every scenario, but you never perform any operations. Do you deserve the title of being a doctor after passing all your courses and tests? Not only do you not deserve the title of being a doctor, you aren't a doctor at all... A doctor obtains the education and passes his or her classes as a means in treating, preserving, and saving lives. They are there to apply what they learn into practice.

Now... what you know and learn about the Bible, your theology, your doctrinal background, whatever you want to call it, is all pointless and wasted if you do not apply it and treat not just temporary lives, but eternal lives. You could know a little and be doctrinally sound, yet be a great pastor and preacher, and you could know a lot and be theologically and doctrinally educated, and not even be a pastor or a preacher. Of course I prefer to see great pastors who are theologically educated and doctrinally sound, but it all a means in knowing God better, glorifying God better, worshipping deeper, and loving and tending His sheep with greater love, passion, and care. Who the heck cares if you went to the best seminary, and graduated at the top of your class, and you don't have a love for God's sheep and never apply what you learn! And you don't have to be a pastor. Who cares, and does God care for "Christians" who grow in knowledge but never in love in the end? Or "Christians" who teach others to repent but never do it themselves? Or "Christians" who teach others the Bible and yet never teach it and apply to themselves?

J.C. Ryle writes, "The selfish Christian professor, who wraps himself up in his own conceit of superior knowledge, and seems to care nothing whether others sink or swim, go to heaven or hell . . . such a man knows nothing of sanctification. Christ will never be found the Saviour of those who know nothing of following His example. Saving faith and real converting grace will always produce some conformity to the image of Jesus."

Or what does the Scriptures say?
"What use is it, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but he has no works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food, and one of you says to them, 'Go in peace, be warmed and be filled,' and yet you do not give them what is necesssary for their body, what use is that? Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself." [James 2:14-17]

And even more so, if you see a brother or a sister who is in need to be clothed with the righteousness and peace only found in Christ, and in need of daily spiritual food from the Scriptures, and you say to them, 'Go in peace, be warmed and be filled,' and yet you do not give them what is necessary for their soul! What use is that!?!? I might offend some people here, but may this kind of Christian be accursed and damned with his theology and knowledge! Can that kind of faith save a person from their sin? No pun intended, but hell no. Use your theology and doctrine and your Christian knowledge and everything that God has taught you and blessed you with to glorify Him and to tend His sheep and to give them what is not only necessary for their body, but their souls!

Here is another familiar passage from Scripture:

And a lawyer stood up and put Him to the test, saying, "Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?" And He said to him, "What is written in the Law? How does it read to you?" And he answered, "YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND; AND YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF." And He said to him, "You have answered correctly; DO THIS AND YOU WILL LIVE." But wishing to justify himself, he said to Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?"

Jesus replied and said, "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among robbers, and they stripped him and beat him, and went away leaving him half dead. "And by chance a priest was going down on that road, and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. "Likewise a Levite also, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. "But a Samaritan, who was on a journey, came upon him; and when he saw him, he felt compassion, and came to him and bandaged up his wounds, pouring oil and wine on them; and he put him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn and took care of him. "On the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper and said, 'Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, when I return I will repay you.' "Which of these three do you think proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell into the robbers' hands?" And he said, "The one who showed mercy toward him." Then Jesus said to him, "Go and do the same."
[Luke 10:25-37]

This lawyer knew all the answers, and hence put Jesus to the test. How do I know that this lawyer knew all the answers? Jesus makes the lawyer answer himself. And in the end, it wasn't about the right answer, so therefore wishing to justify himself, he asks Jesus another question, "And who is my neighbor."
Then Jesus tells this parable that everyone pretty much knows. The point is, the priest, who would usually perform the Old Covenental and Old Testament ceremonies, saw this beaten and dying man, and what did he do? He walked around him and passed him by on the other side. Then the Levite, the chosen and holy tribe of Israel who assisted the priests who performed the ceremonies, saw the beaten and dying man as well, and what did he do? He passed him by on the other side and let him to die, just as the priest did... Amazing.
Then Jesus says something that would blast the legalistic, pharasaic, Jews. Verse 33, But a Samaritan! The Jews hated the samaritans! The Jews who are so concerned with being pure blood and a pure nation of Jews, hated this mixed, half-Jew half-Gentile, hapas, mutts... called Samaritans. This Samaritan that Jews hated, did something not even the holy and knowledgable and theological and doctrinally educated priest and levite could not do, which was to help a dying man.

Who gives a rip if you're a priest or a levite or a pure Jew or a BORN AGAIN Christian, and you walk around and pass by dying men! Use your theology and doctrine and Christian knowledge and apply them all to godly and holy compassion, and to bandage up the wounds of your brothers and sisters. And use it to pour oil and wine on them; and then to put them on your back, and take them to the safe haven called heaven where the innkeeper by the name of Christ will tend and take care of them for FREE and for all eternity!

Jesus now makes this lawyer answer his own question one last time... Verse 36-37: "Which of these three do you think proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell into the robbers' hands?" And he (the lawyer) said, "The one who showed mercy toward him." Then Jesus said to him, "Go and do the same."

The lawyer answered himself and blasted himself! Go and do the same as the Samaritan did! This must have floored the lawyer flat on his back.
The point isn't your theology or your title... Yes theology is very important and being doctrinally sound is very important... If you truly are saved and truly love Christ, then I truly believe you will aim to be theologically pure and doctrinally sound. However, if they do not bear any fruits and are never applied... then your theology and doctrine will stand to not defend and save you, but it will stand to damn you for being an unrepentant sinner who only knew head knowledge, but never used it to repent and to worship and to tend His people in love and compassion which are only known through knowing Christ. You will stand before God who sits as His judgment seat, and He will only tell you, "I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness" (Matthew 7:23).

Christ in His entire ministry here on earth, could have put down every heresy and wrong doctrine and theology, and he could have just chilled having a perfect theology being God Himself... but what did He do...
He ministered and taught His sheep, He fed them when they were hungry and tired like He did in Matthew 15; He healed the sick, raised the paralytic, opened the eyes of the blind, loosened the tongues of the mute, raised the dead back to life, wept over His people (John 11:35, Luke 19:41)... and in the end... He gave Himself up to be beaten and marred beyond recognition (Isaiah 52:14) and to be crucified on a cross on which upon it He would die.

Jesus had a perfect theology and perfect knowledge...
but He also applied His theology and knowledge perfectly: He was nailed onto a cross, and was raised on the third day, to redeem His people to Himself...

For Christ also died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God, having been put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the spirit [1 Peter 3:18]

For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. [Romans 5:6]

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. [Romans 5:8-9]

Memorable Quotes from Amazing Grace:

John Newton: Although my memory's fading, I remember two things very clearly. I'm a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior.

William Wilberforce: No one of our age has ever taken power.
Pitt the Younger: Which is why we're too young to realize certain things are impossible. Which is why we will do them anyway.

John Newton: God sometimes does His work with gentle drizzle, not storms. Drip. Drip. Drip.

Richard the Butler: You found God, sir?
William Wilberforce: I think He found me.

Richard the Butler: Great changes are easier than small ones. Sir Francis Bacon.

Watch it. It's really good.

Here is a biographical sermon done by piper, which is hella good:
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Biographies/1492_Peculiar_Doctrines_Public_Morals_and_the_Political_Welfare/

The man who is a preacher is the man who is driven by the glory and holiness of God;
it is the man who loves the glory of God above all things and loves His sheep who preaches with passion;
with such fire to burn away dross; with thunder to shock his people to repentance; with rain to bring growth to his congregation; with winds to cast away every wind and wave of false doctrine and to stand for the Truth.
Take the glory of God away, and the preacher will fall into error and sin.
Take the glory of God away, and the preacher ceases to preach and to be what he once was.
Take the glory of God away, and the preacher ceases to live; and he ceases to exist.

One proud, surly, lordly word, one needless contention, one covetous action, may cut the throat of many a sermon, and blast the fruit of all that you have been doing.

and if you build up an hour or two with your mouths, and all the week after pull down with your hands! This is the way to make men think that the Word of God is but an idle tale, and to make preaching seem no better than prating.

It is a fearful thing to be an unsanctified professor, but much more to be an unsanctified preacher. Doth it not make you tremble when you open the Bible, lest you should there read the sentence of your own condemnation? When you pen your sermons, little do you think that you are drawing up indictments against your own souls! When you are arguing against sin, that you are aggravating your own! When you proclaim to your hearers the unsearchable riches of Christ and his grace, that you are publishing your own iniquity in rejecting them, and your unhappiness in being destitute of them! If you speak of hell, you speak of your own inheritance: if you describe the joys of heaven, you describe your own misery, seeing you have no right to 'the inheritance of the saints in light.' What can you say, for the most part, but it will be against your own souls? O miserable life! that a man should study and preach against himself, and spend his days in a course of self-condemning!
Richard Baxter

edit// That which is also opposed to the glory of God, is opposed to man's happiness. To live in sin, is to live opposing to the glory of God, and to live in such a manner is to live in a perfectly miserable and ruined state.

There is no one more devoted to hell than those who hate the holiness of God [Thomas Watson]

The Cry of a Convicted Sinner

THOU RIGHTEOUS AND HOLY SOVEREIGN,
In whose hand is my life and whose are all my ways,
Keep me from fluttering about religion;
fix me firm in it,
for I am irresolute;
my decisions are smoke and vapour,
and I do not glorify Thee,
or behave according to Thy will;

Cut me not off before my thoughts grow to responses,
and the budding of my soul into full flower,
for Thou art forbearing and good,
patient and kind.

Save me from myself,
from the artifices and deceits of sin,
from the treachery of my perverse nature,
from denying thy charge against my offenses,
from a life of continual rebellion against thee,
from wrong principles, views, and ends;
for I know that all my thoughts, affections,
desires and pursuits are alienated from Thee.

I have acted as if I hated Thee, although thou are love itself;
have contrived to tempt Thee to the uttermost,
to wear out thy patience;
have lived evilly in word and action.
Had I been a prince,
I would long ago have crushed such a rebel;
Had I been a father
I would long since have rejected my child.

O, thou Father of my spirit,
thou king of my life,
cast me not into destruction,
drive me not from thy presence,
but wound my heart that it may be healed;
break it that thine own hand may make it whole.