Fodon's Xanga

Brought to you by PHS's Class of '83 Yearbook

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 13:35:56 GMT

It's a common theme among my family to settle debates by pulling out the old yearbooks. This time we had two things to debate and the yearbooks answered neither. However it provided a bit of hysterical laughter for us all. While looking at my brother's (and brother-in-law's) senior yearbook we were struck with a stroll down memory lane via the advertisement section.

Picture: (sorry no scanner and absence of yearbook presently)

Big side of raw beef on a hook while girl pretends to be taking a huge bite out of said meat. A few onlookers behind giggling.

Caption:

Underwood's Market

"You can beat our prices, but you can't beat our meat!"

Brought to you by my voice mail...

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 19:50:50 GMT

"Hey Rachel. I'm sitting in the market in china town and eating bull's cock soup. Yes, as in a bull's penis. And you were the first person I thought of. So I thought I'd try giving you a ring to talk about how good bull's cock soup is. Talk to you soon."

Brought to you by other people's lives...

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 00:38:17 GMT

I've been busy. Very busy. But not busy like I was a few weeks ago--things aren't as crazy. So why the no-bloggie? Because in addition to being outrageously busy my life is painfully boring.

What do I do? Go to work. Every day. And sure I pour wine and serve cheese--but it's not as romantic as most people think it is.

I did take a day off to go to the Rodeo. If you're bored, read that link--there's a great line about riding the carousel that makes sense only if you read it out loud in a drawl; cause while we ain't exactly south of the mason-dixon line, we still have people that talk slow. And, apparently, write slow as well. There's also some nice mentions of pies.

Sorry. The discovery of that website one night was the most fun my two friends and I had had in a long time.

So besides the rodeo and working, I've got shit to report.

But people I know? Or don't know but know of? Man, interesting lives. There's been births, engagements, marriages, deaths, dog fights, chicken fights, self-electrocution, open-wound-bleeding-in-a-bar-while-wiping-the-blood-off-of-face-on-to-bar-and-trying-to-get-more-alcohol, divorces, the want to move back to the home country but not being able to because of responsibilities beyond their control, international travel, world travel, jewish weddings in Mexico, transgendered children, a suicide that could possibly be a murder, etc.

As for me? I just work. Oh and play Montana golf with the nieces and nephews. Now, that's a good time. Almost as good as reading about carousels.

Because she Tagged me and I need to do Something Fun

Tue, 20 May 2008 22:07:48 GMT

Boy. I haven't had any fun in a long time. And it makes me sad. My Seattle friends have been having hilarious email correspondences about an upcoming croquette tournament. I don't even have time to read the funny replies, let along even fathom going to said event. This makes me really fucking sad.

I know it's stupid to be sad over things like that, but damn. I wanna have some fun. Just any fun. Like an hour of bowling, or watching Satori eat appletts and cotletts after she's had a beer or two, or have time to read a book that I like.

Anyhow, this is kinda fun. So I'm taking a moment to do it. Then I gotta get back to work. And because she tagged me.

FIVE

What were you doing five years ago?
Can I remember five years ago? Barely. Goes back to that whole memory thing. Plus I move all the fucking time. So five years ago I was living in Seattle with Porn Star. We spent our time hanging out in college bars with his grad-school classmates. Spent the majority of my free time also with Guga, who liked to talk about vikings. I was working for a worker's comp company with a name that sounded speciously like an escort agency. I disliked that job, but stuck it out for two years because it was a normal office job, paid okay, and Seattle was fun for a while.

What are five things on your to-do list for today (not in any particular order):
it's later in the day but...
1. finish work for the day
2. Eat Dinner
3. Finish a movie I've been watching for five days, not because it's bad, I've just got no fucking time.
4. Sleep more than six hours tonight.
5. Feed the cat. (the others have been fed)

What are five snacks you enjoy?

peanuts
corn chips
carrots
pears
radishes
God, I sound way more healthy than I actually am.

What five things would you do if you were a billionaire?

Quit my job
Buy five sheep, okay more, but sticking with the five thing
Throw a party where I only served champagne, smoked salmon and really expensive cheeses, at least once a month
visit friends and family all over the world
Fly friends and family all over the world to visit me.

What are five of your bad habits?

I'm messy
I'm irritable
I'm opinionated
I can be mean
I like Thomas Jefferson

What are five places where you have lived?

Alderdale
Olympia
Singapore
Satoriville
Austin

What are five jobs you have had?

Sold Carrots
State Park Aide
College Janitor
Sold Wine
Private Cook

Then I'm supposed to tag five people--but if you've laid your eyes on this, consider yourself tagged.

Yes a bulleted Entry.

Thu, 15 May 2008 09:56:57 GMT

Been working somewhere between 85-100 hours a week.
Can't remember my last day off
Don't like the job
May purchase a Deli business (seriously, and I shouldn't have capitalized that, because it's not in India)
My Mother went to the hospital this morning for her second knee replacement surgery
I had to advocate for a few days off regarding this more than anyone should have to, especially working for a non-corporation.
I'm still working today. And tomorrow. And the weekend. And monday. Will PROBABLY get some of Tuesday off.
Have become a local celebrity: I've been in the paper more times than someone of my caliber (whatever that may be) should be, and just yesterday gave two interviews. It's ridiculous.
The puppy has grown. A lot. He's about the size of my cousin's golden retriever--and he's maybe 4 mos old now? Ridiculous
We're keeping him. He answers to Aaron Burr, but no one in my family likes that name. They're trying to give him names like Shadow or Einstein.
I gotta get ready for work.

Puppy!

Tue, 06 May 2008 22:10:28 GMT

Yeah, he's pretty fucking cute. His name is Jazz--we have a hard time calling him that, though. We're itching to know if he'll actually be a permanent fixture here or not, because if he is: he's getting a name change. May be Hamilton instead of Aaron Burr.

More Pictures:

Also, it's spring. Which means snakes are out and flowers are blooming. The last picture is for reference in a few short weeks it'll be a cover of roses. I'll take pictures then, I promise.

I'm getting Paid Minium Wage!

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 18:32:35 GMT

Not really.

But I'm a salary slave.

I knew it, oh how I knew it. I really didn't want to take this job because I knew it'd be the same old situation with just a different twist. But I got guilted into it by family and my own conscience of not having a laid out plan or investors for my new business idea (s), so I took it because it was offered to me.

Hard to turn down a job that just shows up at your doorstep. It's like finding a puppy on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. Only not nearly as cute. Anyhow, I worked 80+ hours last week, and am fucking tired. I worked until after 7pm last night and got a work call at 7am from one of the bosses this morning--not to fear, I'd been up at work since 6:30am. I don't know when my next day off will be...and...ugh. I feel like quiting (not joking--I even sent off a nasty response of an email that I copied to everyone; you know how you do stupid shit like that to get fired? That'd be me at this point in time).

In other news and speaking of puppies--we're getting one. Notice no exclamation point. And it's not just in case evil cat of hell happens to read this (she hates exclamation points unless they're only used for an exclamation. Like yipee!).

Remember the story about the crazy guy who started fire to his estrange wife's mother's porch and then sent the cops after them? It's a long story--but the short version is he's quite ill, just got a great pyrenees puppy and wants someone to 'look after it' while he gets better. He knows the puppy will be safe with us and especially since we have experience with these large beasts.

The thing is, he's very ill it sounds like. So we're basically getting the dog, unless he makes a rapid and unexpected recovery. Mutual friends of his and my father are telling us he's not much longer for this world, in their opinion.

So my father and mother are going over tomorrow to pick up the puppy. I'll soon have two Jeffersons. I have no idea exactly how old this puppy is, or what it's name is. But if we end up keeping it for good, maybe we'll have to change his name to Aaron Burr.

Oh and the teacher that I had who's brother had a pretty impressive role in No Country for Old Men? Saw him and his wife this weekend. That was nice. Told him I saw his brother in the film and it took me until the end to realize it was his brother; but what fun that must've been for him (the brother). He said he got a call offering the job, but he thought they meant come in for an audition. But they really just wanted him to take the job and were worried he'd say no. Who'd say no to the Cohen brothers? Crazy eh?

It was good to see him. Another person to befriend in town, although it seems kind of strange to become friends with an old high school teacher for some reason. He's a lot closer in age(i'm guessing no more than 10 years older than I) to me than any of my college professors were, but it seems more reasonable to hang out with them as friends than him. Probably because in college you're a lot closer to being a true adult than you are in high school. Ugh. I suppose if he wants to hang out from only knowing of my high school years, I'm off to a good start--I think I'm more interesting now. And high schoolers tend to be cRaZy.

Although I could just be full of myself. I was probably more interesting as a high schooler and a lot less crazy than I am now..

I'm not making sense. And I gotta get back to work. Hopefully I can finish before it gets dark so I can take the dog on a walk. He's mad at me. I won't even mention the cat. Don't be surprised if you read something in the paper about a neglectful pet owner getting mauled to death by her cat in WA state.

The Dogs (because that's all I got)

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 13:36:14 GMT

A couple of weeks ago I was taking care of my sister's pets. Not really her pets, but her kid's pets. Their dog and their rabbits.

Their dog looks a lot like a coyote. We had to call our neighbors and introduce them to the dog, Seymour, so that they wouldn't accidentally shoot him, should he be running around. And run around he does.

Later, I found out, that more than one local took aim at him thinking he was a coyote. Luckily they really looked before shooting, otherwise this would be a very sad story of a blog.

Usually, while running around, Jefferson was with him. So if someone took aim, not far behind was a giant white dog that'd make them do a double take and realize it was just Seymour and Jefferson, out and about. They actually cornered a coyote themselves, so they became local hero's.

Needless to say, they remind me of these two:

Sam and Ralph.

Jefferson and Seymour.

They behave like Sam and Ralph as well. Jefferson goes about his business in a very slow fashion, making sure I'm coming along as well:

Meanwhile, Seymour runs around like crazy, chacing road runners:

Anyhow, Seymour's back at home now. They miss each other. Jefferson just seems lonely and the last time I saw Seymour at his house he kept whinning at me and wanting to go visit my car, I'm sure checking to see if Jefferson was in it.

Here are a few more pictures I took that same day while we were out on a walk. Spring is pretty here--the only time it's green and looks livable out here.

The Dust Blows Hard

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 14:26:49 GMT

The fucking weather, man.

We had a few very nice days. Then the wind began to blow. Hard. Like that porn star that did Dallas.

You'll excuse me for talking about the weather. But being back home, and surrounded by farmers, that's a serious topic of conversation. We don't talk about the weather because it's ruining our weekend plans; no we talk about the weather because it's ruining our income.

If there's a cherry crop this year (by the way, Washington grows more sweet cherries than any other state in the Union), they'll be very, very expensive.

The weather's been weird bad. Windy. Cold. Dry. Windy. and Cold.

It's middle April. Last night the low was 28 degrees. That's not supposed to be the case. At all. The pass was closed because of snow storms. Yesterday it snowed. Hailed. And rained.

My uncle has lost a couple of circles of carrots. Rot problems with the onions--and my poor, poor garden is struggling.

I also was fooled by a few 70 degree days and planted annuals in pots that are not frost tolerant.

Damn you mother nature...or jack frost or whomever I need to damn, but damn you anyhow.

It's very strange to be watching a well known movie and recognize someone in it.

One of my high school history teachers (whom was a 'young' teacher therefore a 'cool' teacher) has a brother who's an actor. This brother was in No Country For Old Men (which is very good if you haven't seen it--but if you don't like the gore of McCarthy novels, you won't like the movie either). Weird eh? This is the second time in my life where I've watched tv and thought "I know that guy" and it's been true. The first time was after I met this brother-actor in DC and came home from the trip, turned on the tv and saw an NYPD blue episode or some such thing and there he was.

This time it took until the end of the movie when the credits rolled for me to realize that I really do 'know' him--rather know of him and hung out with him one weekend, many years ago. But you know, kinda cool. Actually really cool for him: imagine being in a Cohen Bros film, period, let alone getting to stand up on stage to receive an oscar as a group, eh?

"I need to sleep a full night's rest to have a full night's rest."

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:33:57 GMT

That was my brother's father-in-law comment as he was walking out the door last night.

We all agreed it was true.

Yesterday i attended two birthday parties. The first one was for my niece, although she wasn't there for half of it and the adults spent the time talking and drinking. It was a nice day to be outside talking and drinking.

Then in the evening I walked over to my cousin's house (which is one of the two houses you can walk to and back--everyone else is three miles away [which, yes you CAN walk to, but come on--see below]). He was having his 30th birthday celebration.

I showed up and my cousin had on his ever-present baseball cap (if not a cowboy hat) and a john deere-looking shirt that said "Local Celebrity".

Amongst the people there was an old high school 'flame'. I haven't seen him since high school and it was very odd for some reason. There was no spark. He's married. So it wasn't odd in that fashion.

I think it was odd because it was like "whoa, we're all grown up, eh?"

Most of the people I ran around with in high school I've seen off and on--even if it's in the hometown grocery store--from time to time since high school. But few people whom I spent so much of my high school days, and FUN high school times they were, have I not seen since those exact days.

It was nice. But also surreal. There was also the fact that after I walked in and had a conversation with my cousin about my dildo-looking flashlight (it really doesn't look like a penis at all, it's just a 'different' looking flashlight and he was shocked when I pulled it out of my back pocket), my friend, GB, said "Hey, Rachel, What's this?" and he pointed to a drawing he had and I looked at it. Then looked closer. Then looked at everyone starring at me, then looked at my nieces there were standing right there and said "I'm not saying, you dirty bastard".

He was drawing girly-parts, apparently. Or so it seemed. I looked questionably at my cousin's wife and she said "what you're thinking? It's probably right".

I never found out what was going on there. Nor, do I really care. I just walked away and heard my sister-in-law say to GB "I guess I'll have to have a talk with Rachel about some things". Then laughter.

Surreal I'm telling you, surreal.

Then there was a session of pin the tail on the donkey--some people taking it way to seriously and the competitions amongst farmers is fierce.

Which brings me to my final point about this party. It was a moment of 'ah yes, back home'. It didn't sink in until i was walking home with two motorcycle helmets in my hand with my dildo flashlight, but you know you're back on the farm when people give the birthday boy ammo, whiskey and beer koozies. Another sign? The men at the party won't shut the fuck up.

These dudes spend the majority of their day by themselves--or with each other. When they get around new people they won't stop talking. It's not about interesting stuff, either. Stories about how they tubed on the same river you tubed on (and you have to say "yeah, I remember. I was there"). Or how they saw a coyote and NEARLY got him the other day. Or how they mistook the neighbor's plumber for a potential burglar and were about ready to draw their gun on them. Or what they had for dinner the other night (avocado bisque).

And you know these are desperate times when you overhear someone say "Oh yeah, Rachel? I hang out with her all the time" (not true, by the way--I don't hang out with that dude at all), the other dude saying "Yeah, I have too.." (also not true) and the third dude saying "Really? You guys never tell me anything!" You know, like it's cool to hang out with me. (not true)

I wanted to say "You guys never tell me anything, either--when DID we hang out?" Instead I grabbed my dildo flashlight and two motorcycle helmets and walked home. Even though everyone offered me a ride: another sign you're in the country. Walk somewhere? Are you kidding? There's gas to burn.