Long Time To ReflectLong time no see, blogging world. You know, I forgot how calming and reflective blogging is for me. These days I tend to write big emails to friends / family where I rant one way or another. But its not the same. Its been a long time since I've written here extensively. My original plans was to go start a professional blog, but that was shot out of the water. I want to get back into it, and also do another blog dedicated to food. Who am I kidding? I cant even handle a single personal blog, let alone have three. But thats my life right now... variables spinning round n round. Work (obviously i judge my life by it) has morphed into this weird beast I'm trying to tame. I've got forces prying me apart, and I'm not even sure what I'm made of yet. I'm reading this book about career choices, and so far I've found out, I think I want to be a Sales Engineer. Which could be consulting. Or not. Love? What is love? Baby dont hurt me. So true. I think I'm trying to rectify the scorched earth policy I had on the love front. Unfortunately, casualties have been high and I've destroyed much of myself. Today I was talking to a manager. He was telling me how I should look after myself before trying to look after the client. That being said, I think I've put an emphasis on making others happy. And for myself, I'm just living life day to day. To be honest, I've entertained the thought of suicide. Not seriously for any reason. I just thought, why dont I just suddenly turn right and end it all. Then I thought, why bother? Thats kinda sad. I think the only reason why I thought of it is cause I'm bored. And I dont go through with it, cause I might even more bored on the other side. But I really dont know myself anymore. I thought I did. I think thats why I need to start blogging again. Or maybe I can start drinking. Thats always fun. Wait, cant do that, alocholism is bad. See what I mean? I'm looking for outs. Then I have morality come in and bite my ass. My favorite saying remembers the same - Morality is holding me back. I would either be dead or on top of the world right now if i wasnt moral. I opted for an aggressive hair style. A faux hawk. Maybe I should kick some ass. I do have a punching bag. I think I'll use it right now. I feel like i have primal urges that have been repressed. I love the feeling of hitting something, and I love the feeling of biting and gnawing. I love the feeling of being chased. But I love the feeling of running something down even more. Oh well, I've written enough. To the bag i go.
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