Moving on.

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[Emmett]

The God of Second Chances

I need so much grace. I should be ashamed of myself.

To make a mistake is one thing, but to repeat it, and not heed the warnings of the holy spirit, yes, i've messed up. How can i even begin to think that i know whats best? That i ought to take things into my own hands because doing things God's way isn't getting the instant results i want. God always knows what he's doing. Instead of trusting him, i made a choice and went for it, and i fear i made everything a million times worse.

I need so much grace. . .

But i do know i serve a God of second chances. I bet if anyone else were God right now, they would have given up on me a long, long time ago. God has never given up on me. Even now he's with me, as i'm struggling to make sense of anything. So confused. So blind. But how could i have thought that in my blindness i knew better than God? I need so much grace. God has not given up on me. He keeps on giving grace.

Right now i'm feeling guilty. I messed things up so bad. I'm scared that i did irrepairable damage. I don't know whats good for me, what was i thinking? I rejected the words of wisdom in my life, i rejected the holy spirits guidance.

I need so much grace. . .

In the end though, i get another chance. I don't know the extent of the damage i did, but in the hands of God, maybe things can be saved. And even though i'm so mad at myself right now, i just need to place myself into God's hands. I feel as though i know nothing, like all these years of being a church boy are in vein. Maybe i need to learn everything, all of it, all over again. Maybe i need to strip all the fluff away, and see what i'm left with

I need so much grace. . .

[Emmett]

[When doors fling open]

I have found God once again. It's taken me what seems like ages, and it cost me everything i had. But i'm home again. Aren't we so blessed that when we screw up, and wander away from God, and we mess up our lives. . .

 . . .Isn't it something that he'll take us back in? Just like we never even left. Just like we never even broke his heart. Just like we never squandered his grace. Just like we never even placed something before him in our lives.

          [Just like we never even left.]

I get it now. To live your life you really do have to lose it. To give your everything. Sacrifice. It speaks oceans to God. Want to show God how much you love him? Give something up. Sacrifice it to him. There are times when he asks you to give something up. This is a very, very hard lesson to learn. I did this. I gave up something. To be honest, i gave up a relationship, or at least, the advent of a relationship. But there was so little difference because i was so emotionally attached. And so God began to tug at my heart. Asking me to let Go. Finally i did. And it broke my heart. Many people say this over small things, but i truly believe that such a thing happened to me.

I let everything go. I gave up this thing i so wanted, this dream. And along with that, i just gave away everything else. Nothing else felt important to me anymore. And in that state, where i had nothing, absolutely nothing, he began to work on me. I began to find his love again, and once more i found his love fathering me. I found a place to call home, And as i opened up to him, becoming vulnerable to him, he set me free.

And i felt it in my heart. Oh, if i had the wings, i know i could fly. I've never understood the words more than right now:

I am free.

[Emmett]

. . .leaning not on my own understanding.

Currently Watching Everything Is Illuminated see related

[Not so sure i believe in fairys anymore.]

So i've learned. . .

Sometimes if you really, actually care about someone, and want all their dreams and aspirations to come true, you'll let them go free.

If you love God, truly love God, you'll lay down everything. In the very essence of the word. When you turn everything over, it means that there is nothing left inside your hands. And you may know that your craziest dream is somewhere in the future, but you can't see it. All you can see is what your letting go. But in your heart you know you have to do it. Which brings your mind back to the word everything. Somewhere down the road. . .somewhere.

So we place our lives into your hands / confiding what you'll do / woah / sometimes the hardest thing to believe is the truth.

[So let go.]

If your a little bit lost in this confusing world of mine, don't worry. I just need an outlet. So they say somehow i'm going to outlive this. . .

"I've learned to hold everything loosely. Because it hurts when God pries my fingers open and takes them from me." -Corrie Ten Boom

[Emmett]