New Play: Rough DraftAAABFW
a quasi-play by a pseudo-writer
Act 1, Scene 1
There sits, in his
cab, a truck driver wearing a John Deere hat (or whatever kind of hat truck
drivers wear. I’ll let you decide). The truck driver is called Ted, though his
name is irrelevant. He’s driving during rush-hour on a road being
reconstructed for no apparent reason. He’s listening to the radio.
Radio Newscaster: “. .
. and now he’s just happy to be home with his wife and family, he says. And in
entertainment news, celebrity Paris Hilton has been arrested for breaking
parole on a DUI charge. According to
reports, she was caught by California
state troopers drinking and driving.
Authorities expect to see her serve jail time. No news yet as to when
her trial . . .”
He shifts his eyes to
the radio and perfunctorily changes the station to. . .
Scott: “. . . K.R.O.K. – KROK Morning Talk,
and you are listenin’ in with Scott and
Marsh: “Marsh!”
Scott: “How you doin’ Marsh.”
Marsh: “Well Steve,
I’m just great. Had a wonderful vacation. . .”
Scott: “Where’d you
go, again?”
Marsh: [laughing
coquettishly] “Scott, I just told you in the break room. . . And you’ve already
forgotten…”
Scott: [overlapping]
“No no, for our VIEWERS. For our viewers.”
Marsh: [with irony]
“Alright, sure. Well, so our viewers know, I had a lovely time in Cancun. Spending time with the family. . . drinkin’
margaritas. . .”
Ted is enjoying the
banter thus far.
Scott: “You know who
won’t be enjoying time in Cancun any time
soon?”
Marsh: “Who?”
Scott: “Paris Hilton. Apparently
. . . she was arrested just last night for breaking parole.”
Marsh: [exuberantly]
“No!”
Scott: “Oh yes. And
it’s looking like she might be spending some jail time.”
Marsh: “Wow, think
she’ll actually get booked?”
Scott: “Who knows; you
know how these celebrity trials are.”
Marsh: “Can she really
be called a celebrity, though? I mean,
don’t you have to do something to be a celebrity?”
Scott: “Sure, she’s
rich.”
Marsh: “Not because
she did anything for it. . .”
Scott: “Doesn’t
matter; she’s rich, she’s slutty; and she’ famou. . .”
The truck driver rolls
his eyes and changes the station to. . .
ROCK announcer: “. . .
for listening to 97.5 The ROCK. And unfortunately ladies and germs we’re going
to have to break our boycott on anything Paris
Hilton. I know, I know, but this is just too good to miss. If she wasn’t the blunt end of every joke
already, she is now. Paris
was arrested last night for driving after having a few too many to drink. . .
probably should have made her dog the designated driver. Now she’s looking at .
. .”
Ted quickly turns off
the radio, disgusted by the subject matter and the rancid jokes. We hear
nothing but the light buzz of traffic. After a moment of silence:
Ted: [exasperated]
All america’s
a big fat whore.
Blackout
My plan is to make it a piece of a much larger
montage called "all america's a big fat whore." Lack of capitalization
on purpose. | 
