I know it's probobly not a good idea to post this on the internet but....

Okay here's the situation, I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND MORE THAN ANYTHING, Just being with her during the day is something I wouldn't trade for the world. But along with the school year came obsticals. It was like throwing a rock in our relationship. (And for those of you who don't know we hooked up in the middle of the summer.) But as I was saying, during the summer the two of us were inseperable. She liked me, I liked her. ( a lot ) But now that the school year started we hardly ever get to see each other due to her obsene schedule. (there's several other things going on but that's the main one) And now it's gotten to the point where I want to break up with her.

BUT THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO IS HURT HER!!!

And it seems like there's no way around hurting her, but this relationship is hurting me more than anything else in my life right now. But I love her so much that I would rather endure this pain than break her heart.

I'm thinking about telling her we need a break, but then again there's another girl in the picture. ( janna ) I don't know why but she seems really atractive all of a sudden.( yea I know what you're saying to yourself ; and I don't care ) ( I like her )

So when it comes to internal status:

Happy:                                             yes
Sad:                                                  yes
Present State Of Mind:                  emotionaly distraugt
Message to Others:                        HELP!!

Well, our first game was this past friday. Needless to say

that was awesome!!!!

After being reunited with countless memories of previous years in the RHS band. I realized the inevidable drama that followed. Then after considering all of that I did a pros and cons and almost considered dropping out of band. (bad idea right?)

Anyway, I went and got a physical yesterday morning. For those of you who don't know I am doing track this year. Those of you who really know me are probobly thinking to yourselves,

TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH!!!

But anyway, yea first practice is tomorrow, I need to talk to someone and find out how this whole running thing works. I'm kind of nervous but when I really think about it, I cant help but get excited, I wanna see how I stack up against other people.

Wish me luck

J.D. out

Things Are Looking Up After All

By That I mean that we are talking again, (or at least we did yesterday,) Turns out she's almost as busy as I am, and usually our schedules don't line up. I guess that just makes the time that I do spend with her all the sweeter....

But since that talk I've had so many questions I wanted to ask her. ( I can't post those questions on the internet, sorry) but the only problem is that some of these questions aren't just simple "yes or no"s. I'm actually kind of nervous to ask her about them....

It's kinda funny though...

The only time that I've ever been too nervous to ask a girl a question like that was...

...

...

...

....

Oh god...

Am I-....?

NO, IT CAN'T BE!

I think I'm...

I know I'm going to regret saying this; but....

Well lets just say that things aren't as glamorous as they were when I first asked her out....

Easier to Run - Linkin Park

It Easier To Run; replacing this pain with something more
Its so much easier to go; then face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken; from deep inside of me;
A secret I've kept locked away; no one can ever see;
Wounds so deep they never show; they never go away;
Like moving pictures in my head; for years and years they've played;

If I could change; I would;
Take back the pain; I would;
Retrace every wrong move that I made; I would;
If I could;
Stand up and take the blame; I would;
If I could take all my shame to the grave; I would;

If I could change; I would;
Take back the pain; I would;
Retrace every wrong move that I made; I would;
If I could;
Stand up and take the blame; I would;
I would take all my shame to the grave;

It Easier To Run; replacing this pain with something more
Its so much easier to go; then face all this pain here all alone

Sometimes I remember; the darkness of my past;
Bringing back these memories; that I wish I didn't have;
Sometimes I think of letting go; and never looking back;
And never moving forward so thered never be a past

If I could change; I would;
Take back the pain; I would;
Retrace every wrong move that I made; I would;
If I could;
Stand up and take the blame; I would;
If I could take all my shame to the grave; I would;

If I could change; I would;
Take back the pain; I would;
Retrace every wrong move that I made; I would;
If I could;
Stand up and take the blame; I would;
I would take all my shame to the grave;

Just washing it aside; all of the helplessness inside;
Pretending I don't feel this place is so much simpler than change;

If I could change; I would;
Take back the pain; I would;
Retrace every wrong move that I made; I would;
If I could;
Stand up and take the blame; I would;
If I could take all my shame to the grave; I would;

If I could change; I would;
Take back the pain; I would;
Retrace every wrong move that I made; I would;
If I could;
Stand up and take the blame; I would;
I would take all my shame to the grave;

The Italisized parts are the lyrics that I can REALLY RELATE TO SOMETIMES. For those of you out there who wonder why I keep to myself sometimes (and you know who you are) thats why...