G_O_D's Xanga

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 00:45:49 GMT

Well my children, you have requested a new post and here it is.

I have been busy lately, what with the Pope John Paul the second coming.

What an old bastard. What kind of guy holds on to the last shreds of life when he KNOWS he is coiming up here to Heaven. I mean, seriously! What was this guy thinking.

Not only that, but he thinks that just because he was My vessel on Earth that he is going to be given a bunch of time to hang out with Me in My kingdom.

News Flash: I much prefer hanging out with Hendrix, Einstein and the kid who played the little boy in Mary Poppins. I forget his name, but do you remember it? Hey! Don't be searching the net, either you know or you don't asshole.

Love each other kiddos because the new Pope is going to come down harsh on the world.

PS-Sony has been granted the patent on a device to submit ultrasonic waves directly to your brain. Don't worry though, as long as you still believe we will party when you die.

Open a can of malt liquor for Me homies.
GOD OUT!

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Thu, 04 Nov 2004 07:42:56 GMT

My chidren,

First off, do not expect the apocolypse because George W is remaining in the White House for 4 more years. Do not fear, I have not let Satan get his hands on the United States government.

You know, a lot of people thought that I was the one who took away power from the British monarchy and enforced the killing of people in my name and it gets me angry to think that people blame me for this stuff.

Whenever bad things happen, you come crying to me. When good things happen you thank me and begin bitching about something else. Might I remind you that I only sometimes actually help you out. Most of the time I just let you battle things out. Like when you force a baby to feed itself or go hungry. Human kind is one long learning process. Everytime something bad happens, learn from it. When good things happen, examine how you got them and strive for more actions accordingly.

I guess what I am really trying to say is, Bush or Kerry, the Canadians and Mexicans are still going to attack the US. That's right, they are building up armies armed with sticks, stones, maple syrup and poverty. While your troops are overseas they are getting ready to reclaim their share of North America. So don't be so petty, support who you have, cause you are going to be a spanish speaking commonwealth of Canada by 2005.

May the Bible be with you

Monday, October 25, 2004

Mon, 25 Oct 2004 05:39:31 GMT

My children, GOD here.

Wow, I have been so busy spreading my word and helping out Mel Gibson with little J's flick that I haven't updated in quite some time.

There seems to be a little harshness in the mass about my site. All you non-believers ask yourselves this, "Could this be He? Could this be God?"

The name says it all. I decided that I needed a new way to speak to a large amount of people. The Pope is too old to get anything across and I have avoided the computer way to long.

So listen up. Chill out. Tupac and I had a long chat about it and he thinks the same. Everyone needs to either give it a rest, stop downloading porn and just enjoy life. You only have one and odds are that you aren't going to be seeing a whole hell-of-a lot of heaven if you keep acting so negative.

Much love,

God, the original bad-ass mc

Sunday, June 23, 2002

Sun, 23 Jun 2002 18:14:15 GMT

Personally, I think the best thing I ever created was the Popsicle. It is most wonderful. How many things go from solid to liquid in such a tasty fashion? If only I had created more things that were amusing. But no, The Holy Ghost said, "Give them plague! EVeryone loves plague!"

That's the last time I listen to that asshole.

Tuesday, June 18, 2002

Tue, 18 Jun 2002 21:54:39 GMT

Sometimes I think making humans was more trouble than it's worth. I have been thinking a lot about Judgement Day, the movie not the actual biblical date, and thinking to myself "It would be really cool if the end of the world came from a shiny robotic hand built by man himself." Building things that you can control like robots, to me, it seems like you are striving to be me. Playing God by having ultimate control over something.

Glitches can be made and prices will be paid.

That was a song lyric I thought of in the late 60's. I tried to influence Joplin's mind so she would sing that in a song, but she picked something else instead.

By the way,

Coming up this August, my first CD will be availible for sale. It is a compilation of hit song covers done by Biblical figures. the foreword on the case was written by Whoopi GOldberg, check it out at your local Sam Goody.

Monday, May 13, 2002

Mon, 13 May 2002 14:43:36 GMT

What was I thinking with having Church on Wednesday? Oh man, maybe next time I will actually just give you Sunday off.

Thursday, May 02, 2002

Thu, 02 May 2002 03:55:02 GMT

Once, while ascending from Heaven, I witnessed a young man attempting to be what looked like lifting a galss with his elbows. For the fact that I did not create man in such a manner, the glass he was trying to lift tipped over, causing many other galsses to tip. The moral of the story? Unless you absolutely have to, do not attempt to lift glass with "numbs". The "numb" people have worked and acquired this skill after many years of work or they were just to damn stupid to keep their hands out or the farm equipment.

Wednesday, May 01, 2002

Wed, 01 May 2002 15:05:49 GMT

If you do not like the God's weblog, why read it? People watch cheesey 80's horror flicks because they find humor in the udder stupidity. But seriously folks, if you are offended by this, why read it? Would a church mother watch pornography even though she hated it? I thought not.

PS-Send check or money order to P.O. Box 0000 Heaven, NJ. In 6 to 8 weeks, expect a free sacrament and decoder ring for the bible.

Saturday, April 13, 2002

Sat, 13 Apr 2002 22:16:42 GMT

Isn't it great how when I say, "Go to hell," it actually means someting!

Sunday, April 07, 2002

Sun, 07 Apr 2002 23:50:34 GMT

What possessed me to create love? I must have been on one heck of a binger. I mean, seriously, whats going on there. People don't understand it anymore. They choose a single partner while they are young and feel obliged to be with them for the rest of eternity. That is simply not the way. How are you going to know what you want if you can't compare and contrast?

This also goes along with the idea of fate. i am not a fan of my disciples messing around with my plans. Don't try and steal your friend's significant other. Don't ignore that nice guy/girl in the hallway. And for the love of me, trust your instincts. If you people don't stop acting so much like lemmings I will personally come down there and stuff a giant carrot up your asses.

God Out