nuff said

hm.. im sure u all will be quite disappointed in me.. but i started cutting again..
ya i feel great bout it too... NOT.. i dont remember what happened.. i was looking at a picture of me and mik.. and i blacked out.. the next thing i knew was the frame was broken.. and there was blood on my sheets.. and on my nuckles.. and when i saw the blood all that adderline just started rushing back into my body.. and i haven't stopped since halloween..


i dunno.. im a fool..

please dont hate me..



for hating you i blame myself..

Alone, yet surrounded by people.
I am away from the confusion
and delusion, in my mind
can I define real from make believe?
You take the sleeve of scars
that I wear on my arms.
Just a reminder of how I
failed, and let the self-harm pacify.
Can I surpress, the past from the conclusion?
To conclude today, and fade away
only with the scars that are left behind
remnants of lies that I couldn't hide.
A braclet of worries tight around
my wrist, I can only feel the sting.
The tighter it gets the more pain
turns into bliss.
Bliss from his kiss, his blue eyes.
Take me away from the delusion
of my make believe confusion.
111 thats how many days
I'm still standing, holding on
now I look at whats left from
my two years of tourment,
self-tourture, two years of bleeding
now I'm seeing I was stupid
and my conclusion, is just
be strong just hold on.
You dont need it.
It really doesn't help.
Learn from my mistakes.
Make the break.
Breaking the habit..

Right now, hm.. lets see im in school being bored.. and really just empty..
in my eyes mik and me are over.. im sure he feels the same way.. but w/e.. you kno
i put up w/ his shit.. i sit around and wait for him to call, he makes me feel like i deserve being treated that way I DONT.. i deserve a phone call to where u are.. and what youre doing.. and why u dont want to hang out w/ me.. and a reason to y u dont like me.... im gonna take a stand in this whole "relationship" if thats what you wanna call it..

Im in control.. so today im going to exxon while hes working give him all his shit back.. his hoodies all my memories.. anything he has given me.. he is getting it back i dont want it anymore.. he is just a scar.. really.. he needs to take me seriously in order for this whole thing to work out.. he wants to avoid me let him.. i dont care.. im not gonna contact him after today.. he can try all he wants to get in touch w/ me.. i'll press ignore on my phone.. delete his number from my mind..

IM JUST SO DONE

and you kno whats sad about all this tho.. im in love.. and there is nothing i can do to stop it.. you can help who you love..

Love is Suicide

Love is Blind

n you kno what mik. as much as you try to walk away.. you are only going to be fooling yourself.. you kno u love me.. as much as it hurts u do.. too bad we're both just to fucked up to work it out..

take care of urself.. dont be dumb..

is anybody out there, anyone at all..

Do you know how it feels
to look in the mirror and hate what you see
to smile on the outside but cry
deep down inside
to be away from your family
and feel like you have nothing to
live for..
to be standing next to the only person
i want.. but yet still feel so alone..
To feel numb.. and just want to esacpe..
when esacpe is only one slash away.. but you cant do it..
and you wont.. but the thought is still there..

i do...

mik i love you... more than you think.. more than you'll ever know..