When the world says fuck you... you just hafta pull out your 9 and say fuck you too. 

Back in 4 days.  When I left Vancouver people knew about it.  Hell... everytime I was visiting people whom I never really talk to knew where I went.  This time is different.  I am back.

I intend to leave my legacy. 

I've thought and thought and thought endless hours of endless days.. and I've finally come up with a solution.  There isn't anything in the world that can stop me now.  Strength.  Determination.  Perseverance. 

Wut is this.

Lately I've been super confused... and stressed... and thinking too much~~  I don't kno how things change so quickly... its been like wut.. a span of 3 weeks...

Details aside.. its really not about how i feel anymore.... cuz obviously wut i think or feel doesn't matter..

wut hurts the most is that i actually opened up.. which was super hard..and i thot i finally found hope once again..but i guess i've been through so much already... its so tiring.. having to wonder and think twenty four hours a day.. i can't get it outta my head... its worse than setting ur hands on fire and not being able to do anything for urself... cuz its like.. at least at that time i was tryin to save someones house from being burned down.. but now i only have myself to blame..

I'm so angry..  all the what ifs are running wild in my head... all i kno is... i have to find the answer.. to move on... 

Its fuckin Friday night.. and all i can do is listen to music and blog.. cuz i don't want to go out... i don't want to have fun.. cuz everywhere i go reminds me of something one way or another..

Fuck.  I swear if i get thru this... never again.

So I'm back up here in GP again.

Well wut can I say??

Random thoughts of the moment:

This past month has been totally ethereal.  I can't believe you're not here by my side... got so used to you sleeping beside me....

I don't care about the past.  The past is where it stays.  All I care is to look towards the future. 

Family is fucked up.  They make me so sad sometimes... why do I even care

I still feel such anger sometimes... I can feel myself sometimes reverting for a period of time into an old me...how come people don't respect you even though you've put yourself through so much to save them from being hurt..

Good times this past month... smack smack wipe jor kui~ and gong hei fat choi will always be remembered hehe

If I die tonight.. I'd go with no regrets.. If it's in your arms.. I'll know that I was blessed.. and if your eyes.. are the last thing that I see.. then I'll know the beauty heaven holds for me~~

Whoa.. hafn't updated in like 3 weeks again~~ why don't I ever feel like updating... especially now that I haf time everyday on the comp~~

Hmmm... so wuts new wit Gabe?   I'm so happy lately... just because I finally get to see my boss~~ Even though I know that I have to leave in the near future... but all I can say right now is... I want to make every second memorable.... even at this very moment... I'm totally lost in her eyes... hohohoho~~  I seriously don't think I've ever been this happy before... Thank you boss.  Hopefully I can do the same for you. 

Sometimes I wish I didn't have to go.... back to a place where everything is so goddam boring... and lonely~~  I will be back in Vancouver soon~~ For myself.  For my future.  The one thing I've learnt from all this time that I've been in GP is that life and work don't mean anything if you aren't happy.   I've been coming back and forth from Van and GP every few months...~

Well looks like I've been trying to write an essay... when all I want to do at this very moment is to... haha i jus did it ^___^  you guys reading this... not like anyone reads this anymore~~ except for boss hahah, but u guys won't kno wut i'm writing its so sporatic and random...

There are still so many things I want to do this time I'm back... I don't know if there'll be enuff time to do it all tho... cuz boss has to study hard in skoo... and i'm already so content in stayin here bside boss~~ Sometimes I really wonder how miraculous this world really is.. makes me really believe in a heaven... cuz where else would boss fall from? :P  It's like I've been searching all this time for something... and I've finally found it.  It's the most fulfilling feeling.  I can write on and on and on about how awesome this is... but putting it down on paper won't do it justice.  If u guys see me u'll kn.  I feel like I've changed into another me. 

Hmm.. I guess I'm takin too long posting this... so thats it for now~~ more to come later ^__^ keep u posted.

*Update*

I repeat myself once again.  A man is only as good as his word.  That is why some promises must be kept.  In time you will believe again.  I'll make sure of it.  I swear on my life. 

-Gabe

Hmmm... finally found this music video...took me so long to find it... hehe so im gonna share it~  kinda hit home when I first watched it a few years back... now... my lil bro is gettin older..and I can't help but think that could be us someday, although I'm tryin hard to change..and now I have new motivation!!! Following a new boss keke~~ Wanna follow this boss for life... hopefully this boss won't leave me behind!!!  Straight up.   Wutever you want me to do I will.  I feel so blessed.  I thank God everyday that you've entered my life.   You've made me believe there is still good in this world. 

Back in Van in two sleeps.   So excited.