Tuesday, August 17, 2004

  • Life According To Mom


    Mood:
    Music: Bette Midler - Wind Beneath My Wings.mp3

    "Out of all my kids, I worry about you the most."

    When I was very young, and the idea of death and what it meant was first realized by me, I cried for an entire day. I wept and wept, until finally my parents came home and I ran into my Mothers arms and I told her that I didn't want to die, tears streaming down my little face. She held me for awhile, all the time patting my back and telling me not to cry, but I just couldn't stop. I asked her why, why I should stop crying, and why she wasn't crying herself (I broke the news to her that she too, after all, would someday die). And do you know what she told me--her little boy with a soul so sullen that it had discovered the weight of death before ever being exposed to it? She told me about something that, up until that point, I'd never really known anything of; something that made all my tears stop, right there, right then...


    She told me about Heaven.





    Featured Comment(s):


    i'm with bev...i honestly don't know how to comment on this entry. granted i haven't commented in forever so i (theoretically) should have something to say...but i'm so awestruck at the subject of this entry. i mean, it's so rare for someone to share an experience so personal as their first realization ror experience with death. it takes a lot of courage and trust to expose that part of one's self to other people. but that's why i love you, sean. you give yourself to other people with no apologies or rose-colored glasses. you write what you feel, and you do it honestly. i guess my only question now is, do you believe in heaven? i know that after such bad things happen on earth, it's hard to believe a place like heaven could exist. but maybe the low times we experience now is the hell that we are so afraid to end up in. or maybe i'm just rambling incoherently because i need sleep. yea, i think that's it.

    Posted 8/17/2004 at 2:05 AM by Camille

    geez sean.  i mean, even if you didn't have that little golden fields pic, the effect woulda been about the same.  SO CAN YOU PLEASE JUST BE A WRITER?  forget the comp, man...WRITE FOR GOODNESS' SAKES.  WRITE SOME SHORT STORIES OR NOVELS OR POETRY OR SOMETHING.  GET SOMETHING PUBLISHED.

    Posted 8/17/2004 at 6:42 PM by Tiffany

    you know what i thought about after you randomly IMed me today?? i love our online relationship.  its great.  its become one of those things where we're both just "saying our hellos".  the best thing about it is that theres no drama to it...just some good, wholesome salutations.  anyway...just want you to know that even though weeks may pass by before we update each other with new hellos...i'm still stalking you. just ask beverly...she knows.  every once in a while i'll IM her hoping that she can fill me in with what you write about in your entries. keep smiling...its a refreshing change.

    Posted 8/18/2004 at 1:24 PM by Christine

    You truly are an amazing writer sean, you always have been ... its about time the world sees it *=)
    im glad were still friends after so long, and im happy that life is going well for you, i dont know what else to say so, take care and rememeber life is weird, so very very weird.... MUAHAHAHAHA... maybe i need to catch some "sheeo" too haha.. Bye

    Posted 8/18/2004 at 7:09 PM by Cassandra

Comments (17)

  • webbygale
  • angella
    how beautiful. what a wonderful way to teach kids about death. your mom must be a very loving, intelligent, sensitive woman.

    for me death never needed to be explained to me. it was always there. i remember my grandfather dying when i was really young, and being young i didn't really understand it, i remember playing with my cousins at the memorial. as i kept growing older, we had pets that died, and it was just a part of life... i wish i had someone to ease the pain for me while i got older... lucky you.

    love you
  • despondence
    did you write that? i'm thinkin so. i think i may subscribe.

    absolutely fantastic.
  • bevster

    I'm not sure what else I can say except that you are a great writer. I always look forward to your entries and whether or not I make it clear, I enjoy them very much. It's nice to hear such eloquent words amongst all this ghettoness... LOL. I <3 you.

  • thecrazycamel
    i'm with bev...i honestly don't know how to comment on this entry. granted i haven't commented in forever so i (theoretically) should have something to say...but i'm so awestruck at the subject of this entry. i mean, it's so rare for someone to share an experience so personal as their first realization ror experience with death. it takes a lot of courage and trust to expose that part of one's self to other people. but that's why i love you, sean. you give yourself to other people with no apologies or rose-colored glasses. you write what you feel, and you do it honestly. i guess my only question now is, do you believe in heaven? i know that after such bad things happen on earth, it's hard to believe a place like heaven could exist. but maybe the low times we experience now is the hell that we are so afraid to end up in. or maybe i'm just rambling incoherently because i need sleep. yea, i think that's it.
  • MiZ_AngeLiC

    i love ur entry ..
    take caree.

  • Fallen_In_Isolation
    aww buddy, I really like that entry. It makes me go AWWW & smile at the same time lol. Your mom is so sweet. =) I hope everything is ok & that you're not going through more problems. Advice though... nxt time you go u know where with u know who... know where you are exactly in advance and always charge your phone *wink* HAHA jk jk don't get mad lol... gawd you're so fkn funny lol... love you buddy *muah* take care k... miss yah! <3 late.
  • tiffnie
    geez sean.  i mean, even if you didn't have that little golden fields pic, the effect woulda been about the same.  SO CAN YOU PLEASE JUST BE A WRITER?  forget the comp, man...WRITE FOR GOODNESS' SAKES.  WRITE SOME SHORT STORIES OR NOVELS OR POETRY OR SOMETHING.  GET SOMETHING PUBLISHED.
  • tyger
    There is something that I do covenant most from my religious friends and it is that wonderful unwavering faith. Heaven, if there be one, seems too far away to be realized when you are here still living on and trying to reach so desperately for a hand on the other side. I envy you and that belief that someone out there is waiting for you to come home into their arms. Some advice from a non-believer; Don’t let go of that feeling. God, heaven, all of it, is one of the most beautiful things in life I could not and will never fully experience. The sun is brighter on your side...
  • boysarepretty
    everyone talks about how cool their mom is or how much their mom means the world to them but it isnt very often you hear any sort of reason. it's also not very often that i admit i love someones mom because i feel so strongly for mine that i dont want to admit anyone elses is just as awesome. but man is your mom awesome. i mean c'mon!! "yeaaa its a beautiful song but aubrey dies" HAHAHHAA

    now whether or not you believe in heaven today doesn't really matter does it? because just the event of your mom telling you for the first time has stuck with you and has made a big enough inpact on your life for you to write about today. maybe you dont believe in heaven but it sounds like your mom is your little version of heaven. hmm maybe i shot too far with that one but it sounds good in my head! (as do many things that usually dont end up making sense)
    mmmm so behind on homework, must get back to my other assignment.
  • stara156
    GeniusInABottle: i wrote a xanga you'd like!

    of all words in the english dictionary...





    i have no idea what to say.
  • rlilbun
    Ironically speaking Sean, you and I share so many smiliarities. In reviewing the context of death, so many have different thoughts, but, what comes to my mind, was and is the same as yours. When I was younger, I often found myself thinking about the same things I would always find myself thinking in the shower, what I would do when my Mom died, what would happen, how I would manage. It was painful, and I cried and cried, but one day I just stopped. Thinking about death, and how it literally scared the shit out of me. I really did not want to die, ever. However, I came to realize, that it is just something that happens, that we have no absolute control over it coming upon us. I mean, sure none of us want to succumb to that time of our lives, where we have no option, but to die. So I do not stand alone, when I say their is life after death, their has to be, because their is, there is a place distant from earth, where we all unite once again. Your posts move me Sean, its pretty cool... thanks for the good readings.
  • onnimbus9
    you know what i thought about after you randomly IMed me today?? i love our online relationship.  its great.  its become one of those things where we're both just "saying our hellos".  the best thing about it is that theres no drama to it...just some good, wholesome salutations.  anyway...just want you to know that even though weeks may pass by before we update each other with new hellos...i'm still stalking you. just ask beverly...she knows.  every once in a while i'll IM her hoping that she can fill me in with what you write about in your entries. keep smiling...its a refreshing change.
  • muthafcuknbaymmmkay
    You truly are an amazing writer sean, you always have been ... its about time the world sees it *=)
    im glad were still friends after so long, and im happy that life is going well for you, i dont know what else to say so, take care and rememeber life is weird, so very very weird.... MUAHAHAHAHA... maybe i need to catch some "sheeo" too haha.. Bye
  • skim18
    wow...that's beautiful. calming effect..down to the graphics.
  • sushigrl04

    hello sean. thats a freaky user pic you have there lol. well, i hope that you will visit me sometime in the dorms! it'll be awesome, all full of messy people and strange nerds. maybe you will find some ppl that play cs or wc or ut or whatever is the fun thing to do these days. actually im sure you would. i like the picture - - very nice.

  • sweepy_girl
    I remember this post, back when I was a lurker. Why the hell didn't I comment? It's a good one. No, wait let me rephrase... a great one.
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