Tuesday, February 03, 2004
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Mood:
Music: Green Day - Basket Case.mp3
"Do you have the time, to listen to me whine.."
GATE - An acronym for Gifted and Talented Education. I know this because I was invited into the program every single grade-school year that I can remember, all the way up through and including junior high even, but not once was I allowed to partake in it. Also, again in elementary, apparently I was given the option of just skipping an entire year and being moved up a class. Did my parents allow this? No. Their reasoning:
- They wanted me to have as normal a childhood as possible.
- They didn't want me to be some freak whiz-kid.
- They didn't want me to feel.. different.
In hindsight though, I wonder how I might have turned out had the parentals been more encouraging of my early over-achieving rather than frightened by it. I wonder what would have become of me had I been pushed to excel rather than "held back" for fear of standing out. Perhaps I'd be finishing up my senior year at Berkeley, already well on my way into some high-profile career? Or, crazier still, perhaps I'd actually have a license by now?! It's one of those things that kills me to ponder, because there's no way I can ever really know.
The sad part is though, despite my parents' best efforts, I never did feel that normality they so desperately wanted for me. I never felt like I fit in, not now and certainly not during my school-going years. I've always felt a little left of center. Perhaps that's part of the reason I'm so quick to latch onto those who genuinely care for me, just as I am, and why I'm so appreciative of those who stand by me, inspite of all my damn neuroses.
On the flip side though, that's also probably a large part of why towards the end of my high-school career I completely failed as a student, why I refuse to believe I'm anything special, and why I'm 22 years old and devoid of any drive what-so-ever. Maybe I really am a genius in a bottle, one who's grown so comfortable there that now he's finding it nigh impossible to leave.
~ ~ ~
Update: Do be sure and take a look at my most recent layout works, Drea's "Kahiki Nui" and Aubrey's "Rooney", as I believe they're some of my best yet.
Featured Comment(s):
oh pooper
All the little things you do: secret messages, songs, watching me read or do homework...makes me love more and more each moment that passes. I really can't put it into writing how I feel about you, I guess that's why I haven't been writing that much on the xanga.
Look at me, straight in the eyes, and you'll get a glimpse of how much I love you. I never never thought that I would find someone I felt so connected with at such a young age. Someone I could see myself playing checkers with in the park when we're old and toothless.
Turn the page, babe, let's see what happens next. We'll read it together.
This is your art. The way you express yourself to the world has expanded to imagery as well and you do it beautifully. I love how you give meaning to your images. Some people just put it on there because it looks cool. Computer dorks, indeed, can't wait to see what you've got in store.
Posted 1/26/2004 at 1:29 AM by Mary Ann
Aw...I didn't make your infamous "featured comments," but it's ok, =] I don't think I could ever live up to the Sean Standard because it is beyond my mediocre impressions. Time and time again people continue to compliment your writing, your style, your...you and I can't help to join the club. I'm glad to see that you've incorporated the "book" and "page turning" metaphor to your new layout given that I especially associated it with your life (if you remember from previous convos and recent comments). You have yet again surpised me and everyone else as well, with another astonishing creation.
Even though I'm somewhat of a "stranger", rather a devoted contact or smitten acquaintance, I am entranced...completely absorbed with your character. You're like a gratifying poison - most refreshing yet terminal (in the best sense of course). Having a metrosexuality is one that attracts most girls. Trust me, I know. It's been statistically proven. =)
Mary Ann is such a lucky girl. Likewise, you are lucky as well, to have found a princess suitable(perfect) for your story. To prevent myself from being redundant, just read the first comment I ever made =] Instead of making a "p.s." I'll make an "s.s." because you know how much "p" annoy me =] lol - classic letter bias.
s.s. : like you said, "we're two peas in a pod" ... but I'm glad you found your "penguin" ... I have yet to find mine =]
Posted 1/26/2004 at 5:38 PM by Sandra
i don't know what to say...nothing i write can ever be as good as your posts or even mary ann's comments! sometimes i ask myself, "why bother? i should just stalk sean from afar..." hehe. but yes, first of all, thank you for helping me w/ my own xanga and inspiring me to clean it! and secondly, and more importantly, i can't even begin to tell you how glad i am to see you with the love of your life and hearing/reading about how you're doing so well! how you muster that strength to move on, how you rekindle that hope in love...all these things i wish to mirror in my own life and i personally doubt i ever will...but at least knowing someone out there who i believe deserves happiness has finally got it!!! ahhhh sean...wow, i find that all i'm saying is crap and gratuitous...you, and reading about you, and hearing from you, and talking to you...all of that for me can only be summed up best with a sigh of relief and wistful dreams and joy: "ahhh sean!" i'm sorry i can't put it in better words...but it's what you make me FEEL that counts, regardless of whether or not i can actually express it! =P
Posted 1/28/2004 at 10:29 PM by Tiffany
"even your subconcious stalks him now"
i swear it doesn't!! i swear!!
oh seaner. all this week all you've done is read random parts of my conversations with other people. maybe its part of the reason you are stalker#1 in my book. you could have sat with him that night and been like "hey so, you feeling okay today?" he would have asked, "do i know you?!" and you could've say "GENIUSINABOTTLE, HELLO?!" all thanks to me *taking a bow*
well i'm happy you've got a whole new chapter in your life ahead of you. i hope you tell us all about it, full of quotes, pictures and events. we're all waiting anxiously to see what this chapter brings to your life with your writing and expressive designs. lets hope i play the comic relief of this chapter. the one who makes sarcastic comments in the backround and cringes anytime i have to see PDA. of course i will put an end to it by whipping out my bat and beating you with it but hey! thats all!
keep us all informed on this chapter---and make sure we're all in it! =)
Posted 1/29/2004 at 11:45 PM by Aubrey
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Comments (23)
I don't know if this will come off as strange but it's because you aren't "normal" that makes you stand out from the rest. And I don't mean that in any rude way. You truly are one in a million: giving your mom cards to say that you love her, choosing me over the video games, embracing new people and places, writing what your heart feels. Writing it in a very well done fashion, I might add.
Things may have been shitty in the past, but I have faith that you'll make it in life. Keep your eyes open and keep focus. You are a very talented person: you work well with words and people. Perhaps working with kids will be a stepping stone for you. We'll do it together, babe.
I'll be here through it all.
P.S
"Grow old with me. play chess with me in the park. we'll fight for a bag of chips. you trip and step over me to get the bag only to find out i have your dentures."
I love you old man. I have a can of ensure, a bib, and a wheelchair with your name on it!
aww, stooopid aubrey getting first before me! *raises fist*
in any case, maybe a little lecture is at hand?
you're not special sean? hahah, that's a good one. you're spire, dammit! mister "98-2 with my eyes closed, different sensitivity, sick, new config." you being great at gaming--not to mention just computers in general--, though it is a rather dorky trait, is a talent in itself. maybe you're forgetting that part, man. that's what makes you unique. you're special because you're.. sean. being main isn't exactly easy you know, and you're handling it quite well!
you even had enough, for lack of a better word, balls to do what you did during the cotillion. more than half the guys i know, probably me included, wouldn't have enough will to do such a thing. but you pulled it off. that's something inspirational.
as you would say: EAT THAT!
Maybe I really am a genius in a bottle, one who's grown so comfortable there that now he's finding it nigh impossible to leave.
If you know me at all, you know that I don't believe this last sentence at all. I know my optimism has many times contradicted you and perhaps you've grown tired of it, but here it is again. You're like a gold mine that has yet been discovered. It's no where near as impossible as you may think, theres always time for change. You've got all this potential, and soon enough, the world will finally see who Sean Alamares really is.
Things haven't always worked out as you've planned, and maybe you're not where you want to be now... but you know what? The first step to change is to know that there is something to change. You've gotten that part down, so lets get started on the next step!
Just know that no matter where you end up or what becomes of you, I'll be your friend. I'll be there for you, just in case you need a little help along the way... because you know what? You're my best friend, and not only do I love you, I have a whole truckload of faith in you. We're going through this life together, step by step, day by day.
Don't worry about not being in GATE, I am a GATE alumnus and it is just anothing way to classify one as a nerd. Yeah definitely not the coolest kids. Plus you get ridiculed by people like Mary Ann and Aubrey. And as for feeling normal, who ever does??
my head is hurting so i'll prolly comment more later...i'm in absolute shock that your parents never allowed you to partake in GATE. =/...i mean skipping a grade i can see why there would be reservations...but GATE? GATE wasn't all that great (haha kinda rhymes =P) but i'm sure just going to it (or not being allowed to go to it!) has its psychological repercussions.
and yeah you're not normal, sean...you're BETTER than normal...you're SPECIAL...you're the 3+ standard deviations from the mean!!! XD!
don't get too comfortable in that bottle of yours. we've got some new years resolutions to attend to!
spanks for the boss layout. thats right---boss. <3 you lots & lots too seaner!
ok, now that i've gotten that out of my system, i would like you to know this (pretty sure i've said this before, but i'll say it again anyway):
you have so many aspirations, and yet you don't believe in yourself enough to fully strive for them. but the truly ironic thing is that i, along with many other people that love and believe in you, know that you can easily achieve anything you set your mind to. and, frankly, i don't want to stand idly by while one of my closest and most talented friends does not allow his gifts to be shared with the world.
Bah! The word "normal" is just another conformity made up by the man! Nobody is normal. Everyone is unique in their own sort of way. And everyone has at least one thing that makes them special. Just read all the comments you get everytime you make a post.
You're not normal. But i mean that in a good way! Being who you are is what makes you one of a kind.
hopefully i did.
i've been owing you a comment for a long long time. sorry i lag, sean. anyway, that's so weird that your parents had that kind of mentality while raising you b/c my psycho filipino parents made me join GATE for life. I personally am glad that you didn't join...because gate students were bloodthirsty, little backstabbers that thrive off of the act of sucking ass. so even though your geniusness has been on lock down, consider yourself lucky. its probably why you're one of the few genuinely nice people that care more about life itself than gpa's. plus, GATE totally sucked anyway!
As for the academic issue, i do strongly believe that being surrounded by fellow college-bound students helped me get to where i am today, but it wouldn't have meant anything without some sort of intrinsic motivation. I had dreams, and i wanted those dreams met. Even now, i'm not sure if i can make it, especially since there are so many thing i still want to do in the world (somehow when i structured my life plan i didn't leave room for having children...oops. hopefully that familial aspect of my life will work itself out in the long run).
So what i'm really trying to tell you here is that it is never to late to start some new project, or develop your passions into something concrete. There are more people in the same boat then you realize, but none are nearly as intelligent, artistic, and insightful as you are. Please Sean, i don't want to see someone like you find their youth has been blown away by the wind just because you've given up. If this means anything, then do it for the people who believe in you. Forget what your parents told you, and go find yourself.
i hardly even know you, but what i do know is that you're a very talented person... you're gifted with things that i want!! you're so good with language and etc.... makes me a jealous person.. so, i guess what i'm trying to say is believe in yourself... you'll do great in life.. i believe it =)
there's no reason why you should look back when you can go forward into many good things...
After all, I am your girlfriend and that's what a girlfriend does right?
sean, i like your layouts, all the ones you've done, that i've seen. to me you are a GeniusInaBottle or even a GinuwineAthlete, haha, but you are a smart guy. id take your advise any day, and if the past is somthing that bothers you, try to look past it, because it is the "past" g.a.t.e. or not your still gifted and talented, so your just g.a.t.? soon you'll feel the urge to do somthing, and im pretty sure its gonna be a big somthing.
-Jon-