I woke up around 2 this morning, and couldn't quite get back to a full sleep. I was so excited. This is my last day at my company, before I fly off to New York and start a whole new adventure or whatever.

A year ago, I attended my first MoCCA festival, and declared to my friends there, that I was going to finally move to New York by a years time. I did it. I feel really good about doing it. I'm not sure of the exact date I made the choice. But MoCCA was around the end of June, because it was around my Birthday, Sunday I think.

Anyway, when I got back to Chicago, I told the husband, we are moving to New York in one year. To which he agreed, and said it was something he was thinking about recently.

When I moved to Chicago, about 15 years ago, it was the same sort of experience. In that case, I was at a party talking to a friend of a friend who was from Chicago. Tom stopped me at one point, and made the observation "you sound like you haven't talked to anyone cool in a long time". That may sound very egotistical of him, but the way he said it, it wasn't.

I went home, and thought about what he said. I realized he was right. I wasn't hanging out with people that excited me, or that I could share who I was with. So I gave myself a goal of moving to Chicago in one year, and in that case, I did it to the day.

I also did it the same way, I transferred from the one store to another for Pier 1.

Funny how life can repeat it's self, or is it a case that when we succeed at something, we try the same method again? I do find patterns in my life. Sets of behavior.

But I think it often goes beyond that. When I was assured of the transfer, I took a trip to Chicago via train to look for an apartment. I had never lived alone before that, and only looked for a place to live one time before that. I was scared and nervous, and worried about what would happen if I couldn't find a place to live that trip, it was my only chance to do so.

While on the train, I looked out the window, and saw a white crane gliding across a small lake. A sense of calm and ease came over me, and in my head I thought, I will find a place and it will all work out. I just knew it would.

And sure enough, it did. The third apartment I looked at was acceptable, and affordable ($435.oo a month for a 1 bedroom apartment, 15 years ago, was considered cheap for Chicago).

This time, the I looked for a sign that this would happen. I'm a bit superstitious about such things, so I will only say that I had that experience again, where something happens, out of the blue, and from no where, came the feeling of, I will get the job, everything will work out. And of course I did.

What was also a new experience was the pent up stress of just waiting. While I was 95% sure I was going to get it, I left enough doubt, and I refused to actually say, I got the job. Because, WHAT IF?

The moment I did get the offer, it was like a huge weight was lifted, and I felt exhausted. I literally had trouble staying awake, for the rest of the day. I felt drained, happy, relieved and accomplished all at once. When I got home, I could barely move, and I kept falling asleep, and my wonderful husband kept waking me, because he knew that if he let me sleep, I would wake up at 2 in the morning, and have weird sleep patterns for days.

Kind of like I do now, but I'll be fine now.

I've never wanted to do something more in my life, and I didn't realize how much I wanted this till I got it, and could finally just release and let go to all the stress.

I've already written about people at work are reacting. It's amazing how people I thought didn't really care for me, are upset. I guess actions speak louder then words sometimes. Sure I butted heads with people, but no one can deny, I got their projects done, and saved their bacon.

No matter what I always came through in the end. People at my company seldom say thanks or acknowledge others hard work. It takes a big issue for that to happen, on the level of saving Christmas!

So it's nice to have my hard work acknowledged. This is the first job in a long time, that I am leaving with a good standing. All my past jobs, I was either laid off, fired or more often, just walked off the job with no notice.

I guess I grew up a little. Dam, I didn't mean to!

EDIT and ADDTION: people are coming up or emailing telling me how much they are going to miss me, and how things aren't going to be the same around here without me. It's very touching. I didn't think I was hated or anything, but it seems I was more liked then I ever thought.