My Thoughts and Prayers

Monday, July 14, 2008

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Monday, December 24, 2007

  • Bring Your Discipline

    Repost


    Tuesday, July 31, 2007

    Bring Your Discipline

    Face to the ground
    Sword and shield thrown to your feet

    Teach me, my Lord, Your ways.
    For night falls and duty calls
    I make myself like the dust you brought me from
    Lowered to the dirt you tread.

    Beat me into submission.
    Curse my flesh to the point of death so I may live
    Salt me with Your fire and refine my soul.
    Burn and scar me with Your righteousness
    So that I will always remember
    And never forget what I have been saved from.
    I plead:
    Teach me to cling
    To You and what is Good
    Discipline me
    To be speak boldly against evil men and evil deeds.

    I wish to be the tool of Your Love
    And righteous judgments.
    May I be kindled with Your Fire
    And follow it to the death of evil.

    When in the shadow of Death
    May I not fear the shadow
    But the Light that over towers the being creating the shadow!
    May I stand strong in Your strength
    And resist the tempter.
    Discipline me, Lord.
    Show me the meaning of true, unthinkable fear.
    So that when darkness comes
    Me and my brothers,
    We shall be the ones to stand before the masses
    Proclaiming Your name against the threat of death and torture.
    For my life is not mine. 
    Indeed, my life is Your's, my King.

    I stand before You now
    Waiting for Your orders.
    Bring your fire.
    Bring Your Discipline.

    Amen.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

  • Hypocritical Christians piss me off....  Yeah ok, sure we are ALL hypocritical as Christians, but there are some who take to a whole new personal level.

    I am talking about the kind that will use what you are willing to give, then once you have given to them your time, help, love, they show you the door and politely tell you that you are not good for them or their family, but yet somehow justify it by saying that my time and purpose was useful!?  Friendships- Gone.  Relationships- Destroyed.   Respect.... obviously not existent.
    The reasoning of this?  "I am different."

    Sorry, last time I checked, we are all heirs to the same Grace.  I may not live to the same level of legalistic doctrine as one may want me to, but my actions will speak for themselves.  Actions like traveling 500 miles and taking my only weekend of vacation to visit a family and give a nice dinner to them.  Actions like investing time into a young man who I care for and love dearly... why?  Cause he is wired like me and I know his pain.

    To my sisters who I love dearly who are affected by this: please forgive my anger and my imperfections.  Perhaps one day we can have a friendship again.  Until then, roles of authority are taking their roles and I will not go against it any farther than this note.  I must respect respect their decisions, even if I hate it.

Friday, November 23, 2007

  • What is being a Christian Behind the Scenes?

    It is falling your on face not out of righteousness but from stumbling so much.

    It is seeing those who were once close to you turn a blind eye to you during your hardest times.

    It is realizing that your actions will affect those who you love more so than your own self and praying to the Great Father that that will not happen.

    It is seeing your loved ones who still love you reach out to you and you feel so helpless and useless for you cannot comprehend their pain.

    It is when you fall in love and realizing my pain is her pain and vice versa.

    It is when you punch the floor while praying because you continually the things you hate and all you get is sore knuckles and absolutely no edification at all....  but you feel better, right?

    It's when at last you turn to Gods Word but you already know what it says!  The frustration just builds and you throw you bible against the wall and scream.

    It's when you read job, and you want to agree with his friends. Simply curse God and die...

    It is when you realize....   we are only dust.

    It is when you:
    -dry your tears
    -bandage up your knuckles
    -pick your bible and tape the pages that fell out
    -try to wipe off the scuff marks on the wall
    -tell whoever heard you scream you were trying to act like a metal singer
    -tell the one you love that you love her (or him) despite any pain that may come
    -you take your friends' hands who need you and pray with them despite the feeling of helplessness
    -fall on your face out of humility and not obligation or laws of spiritual physics
    -bow before your old friends who have their backs to you and admit your faults and wrong doings even if they still choose to not acknowledge you.

    Life is Hard.  A Christian life is harder.  If anyone tells you differently, then I would recommend throwing a bible at them (literally or metaphorically is your choice).

    I pray that whoever reads this finds it comforting, and that my sufferings as list above can perhaps be of some use to someone going through a hard time.  I like to think and say to others I am the typical goody goody Christian boy.  Well, as anyone probably knows, I am not.  I love you all.

     

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

  • A fleeting Resurrection For Xanga

    I have a bad feeling this will be a long post- I have much to talk about.

    First thing first...  The confession.

    To be bluntly honest, and I am going to be very open about this cause indeed I am a chief of sinners.  My main reason for getting leaving xanga was because of all the pornography in it.  Like any other guy I have met, it is spiritually deadly and I was done of fighting a LOSING fight.  Yep.  Thats right.  I lost many times, and am very ashamed.  However, I got an internet filter and had xanga blocked until now cause I just recently had to do a restore disk on my computer.  My pride took a huge hit cause I hate running away from conflicts, but like scripture says, I am to FLEE from immorality, not fight it face to face. 

    For inquiring minds, I do not have the internet block just yet, but I at the moment my alternative plans have been working.  I should not need to have an internet block.  I hate it.  I hate being suck a freaking hypocrite.  Getting this out in the open i think will help me.  Yeah, it will affect me and my friends and whoever reads this and I am aware of the consequences, but to be honest, I know my true friends will pray for me, and those who turn away... well...  thats what I get for my sin.

    Spiritual Warfare Anyone?

    I think I can thank my senior pastor for this cause that is what we are studying right now.  The timing could be better, I think.
    I am in the process of buying a Condominium, looking for a room mate etc.  I also need 10k to magically pop out of no where for downpayment.  I think I have 5-6k taken care of, and I am sure I can come up with another $1,500 within 2 weeks.  That still leaves me needing about 3 thousand dollars.  Oy....  I have other options, of course, but that is my best one.
    I am working like crazy.  Yesterday and today, I was up at 7 30, at work at 8 30, off at 430, at red lobster at 5 30, and finally back home at 11 pm... Good times.  Tomorrow is church.  Thursday I should have the evening off from Red Lobster, unless they ask me to come in.
     
    Spiritually, things have been REALLY intense.  My depression is here and there... comes and goes ya know? 
    I have met a really amazing girl, but the thing that sucks is that we are nothing alike... like SO different that my spiritual wisdom is walking a VERY thin line.... that's all I am going to say about that. I have been praying about it for a while.  We shall see what God does with this situation.

    I dunno... everything is getting harder.  The girls are prettier and more flirtatious.  Temptation seems to be lurking around every corner.  Evil is getting more and more confusing and harder to distinguish.  My body has taken a few hits and hurts. 
    Yet at the same time, my worship time and been more meaningful.  Prayer has been more real, and my bible reading is being more fruitful and fulfilling and guiding.  Ultimately, by spiritual walk is getting very intense, and there is  A LOT in stake...  My next couple months will determine my responsibility and capabilities to be a discipler- which is huge and infact the biggest concern on my mind most of the time.

    It is because of this intensity that petty things like what I confessed at the beginning of this post is irrelevant.  Yes, it CAN still be a stumbling block for sure, so I will not turn a blind eye to it.  But within a month, I hope to be moved out of my house and in a condominium where I will not have internet or cable TV...  I cannot wait to have that sort of freedom....  *sighs*  Granted, the library is in walking distance : )

    Music

    Thank God for amazing Christian Music.  Thousand foot Krutch's new album, "the flame in all of us" came out last night....  I LOVE IT!!!!!!! 
    No, seriously, it is amazing.  I can honestly say it is my most favorite music album I have ever heard.  The lyrics are so true and I can relate to so many of their songs in so many ways.   Their beat, melody, RHYTHM, everything, it just seeps into me and a ministry to my soul and heart.

    Also, Disciple's album "the scar's remain"... SO great.  So many awesome songs....    In all seriousness, I know God has placed these two bands in my life to help me spiritually for this war, in which just happens to be getting more and more intense each day.

    I say my God reigns supreme, and that is all I need to know.

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