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Godlikesfish
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Name: Kyle
Country: United States
State: Missouri
Metro: Kansas City
Birthday: 3/6/1984
Gender: Male
Interests: Politics, music, sports, movies, education, and (the opposite) sex, but I'm a pretty shy, sweet guy.
Expertise: Um... I have big feet (16) and can ski without skis. Does that count for anything?
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  rockwriterkyle
Yahoo:  directorboy6
Member Since:
7/28/2004
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| Goodbye, XangaI'm sorry, this blog is no longer in service. The new site is here on MySpace. It was fun while it lasted~ | | |
| Slipping again...I've come to the conclusion lately that, although people may scare me, being around them is ultimately the most healthy thing. Why? Well, if left to my own devices (like the last few days), I basically dissolve... missing classes to read and write in my journal and disconnecting myself from the rest of the world. Conversely, if I actually go to class or am forced to talk to people at work without worrying, things become infinately more positive. Obviously, I'm in the throws of the former right now... and it's dangerous. I need to be around people to keep me motivated, either through competition or pure motivation. I feel like a prisoner when things are like this... a selfish one of my own volition, but notheless completely sedentary purely out of habit. If other people are there, I can get moving~ it's just a matter of lighting that initial fire, maybe outright asking people what I may be good at. Bleh... things are dark. And it's weird: at work, at the gym, talking to my friends, I'm unfailingly optimistic, but here, alone? Black... | | |
| Two days ago, I became 22.
Didn't turn 22- that happened back on March the 6th. No, I actually started being 22 on Thursday, the day I packed up the last few things I'd need from my mom's house and moved them to my dad's apartment.
It wasn't like I hadn't taken some of the bonuses of being this age to heart- drinking, of course, being chief amongst them, as well as an unspoken seniority among people that I work with in the retail business (ok, 16-year-old cashiers at Best Buy- a bottom-feeding creepy perk, but a perk notheless). But in the past month, I moved out of my mom's basement, navigated a couple of girls my friend John eloquently called 'buckets of crazy,' started becoming self-sufficient with the small stuff (food, laundry, etc.), and made a habit of working out. As my dad and I put it the other night, my physical transformation has, in a way, mirrored my own growth as a person.
For a long time, I was stuck on December 24th, 1991- the day before my parents divorced. I kept myself at that age as long as possible- not going to classes, staying inside and playing video games until I fell asleep- so that I didn't have to face the fact that the family had been shattered and that I'd have to be on my own. It was only when my parents did it the second time and that 15 years of suppressed rage came out that I was truly freed from those self-imposed (not to mention self-absorbed) chains. Last Thursday, though, I got the last of my important stuff from the house and caught a glimpse of my mom staring out the window and holding on to Jenna, our puppy (you can see a shot of her in my pictures). I realized quickly that I wasn't the only one who was being forced to deal with the fact that I wasn't seven years old anymore...
But now that I'm here, I can't wait to see what I've been missing out on  .
Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly. -Ambrose Bierce, 'The Devil's Dictionary.'
Saint. A dead sinner revised and edited.
And, most importantly:
Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured. | | |
| Looks like there was some trouble at UMKC, so I had to enroll at Maple Woods at the last minute (seriously... I went in, grabbed a class schedule, signed up, and paid within fifteen minutes). This time, though, I know it'll be my last few weeks there (I'm four credits shy of a full Associate's), so hopefully between the move to the apartment and this I'll be much better off. Technically speaking, things are kind of dumpy right now, though- I'm still at Maple Woods, at a job I don't enjoy, just had a nasty mini-breakup, and was told that I wasn't much of a friend. So now I'm just giving up on trying to date people, accomplishing that goal of having sex that I can't ever seem to escape from, or worrying about myself. I'm going to try (TRY) to be more selfless and look people in the eye more.
Anyway, I'll expand on this later... hope everybody has a great week! | | |
| New drive?Below is something I wrote to UMKC as
my justification for petitioning them to let me attend this fall (long
story). As there are always potential employers snooping about, I'm
going to make this public for a couple of days and then switch it to
private in the interest of my finding a job in the future. I wrote this
feeling like my back was to the wall, so essentially I ended up
justifying the act of both going to college at UMKC and going at all to
myself.
My justification is simply that I'm now
dedicated. My transcript indicates quite a few things: that I've
consistently lost the desire to attend class, that I haven't done
spectacularly while I was in them, and that I'm lazy in general. And,
to be honest, it's hard to argue with those words after looking at them
again.
However, like many non-traditional students, they tell
only part of the story. Though this isn't Doctor Phil, there have been
many factors and obstacles in my personal life that drove many of the
automatic dropos and every single one I dropped (or didn't at all...
notice the Fs) myself. As evidenced by the Spring and Summer
intersession, I've changed direction, and now that the last remnants of
those roadblocks were cast aside this Summer, the path isopen for my
first real semester at college. Because, for all of the faults in the
transcript, one thing shines through: I never once gave up. Now that
I'm in a stable situation, I hope you'll allow me the chance to reach
the potential I knew I had all along.
Doing
that made me feel great. Relieved. Proud, even, for the first time in
two years or so. As pompous and (obviously) self-important as it may
be, I want to use it as a litmus test to see if it's a career path I
should still consider pursuing... if I have enough 'it' to make it.
That's why I put it on here: while it's impossible to judge somebody's
talent based off of two paragraphs alone, I was hoping that you could
say whether they (writing, petioning, even college itself) would be
worthy endeavors for me still from here on out.
-K
P.S. Porch Monkeys for life. | | |
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