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Gods_n_control01
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Name: Heather Marie
Birthday: 4/1/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: I am learning to be content with me, to be ok with the woman God made me and not to be shy to use the gifts he gave me. I strive to become more like God every day. I never want to be content in my relationship with Him... becoming content leads to luke-warm christians. I desire a deeper, more intimate relationship with God from day to day. Without him, I am simply a waste of time. Because of Him, I am so much more. My confidence lies in Him and Him alone. I am a senior who is becoming lazy(senioritis is kicking in big time!) I cant wait to get out into the real world, outside of high school, and do the things I am passionate about and at the same time, growing up is such a painful yet exhilerating experience! My passion for youth has become even more evident in the past couple of months. I have a week spot for shopping, fashion is simply a amazing form of art in my eyes! If coffee was never discovered, I wouldnt be the same Heather ya'll know! I believe in being there for your friends
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  Proud2bPK
Member Since:
7/29/2005
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| "Sometimes He calms the storm
With a whispered peace be still
He can settle any sea
But it doesn't mean He will
Sometimes He holds us close
And lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm
And other times He calms His child" Wow. That song is sooo true and real in my life right now.
God has the power to do anything.
ANYTHING.
And a lot of times when we are going through a hard time.. or a very long stretch of hard times...
We seem to think God is going to take it all away.
All of the pain, anything uncomfortable, He will take it away.
and should.
HE CAN
but shouldn't. If God took every difficult time and made it all ok, what would we learn?
How would we grow.
How would we truly know we need God
and that without Him we HONESTLY cant do it? I have been going through a hard time(s).
and to be completely real, for a few days, I wanted to give up.
I was done with everything.
I was sick of the pain and hurt and everything.
I wanted to go to sleep and wake up and it would all just be a really bad dream. But thats not reality.
Reality is that I am going through a bad time.
and it stinks, it really does
but God is sooo amazing and I know he is going to take all of this and show me amazing things and I am going to mature even more and be able to use this, someday, to help someone else. At this point it just helps to know that He IS still there and He IS holding me close.
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| FEARI am one of those people that lives in almost a constant state of fear.
I let fear control me.
Fear of failure, fear of people's opinions, fear of never making anything of my life, fear of not having direction, of not knowing where or how to go.(trust me, theres more!!!)
Fear, at times, weighs me down. Holds me back from things I really have a passion for, from God's will. Fear lets insecurities take control of my life and pushes anything good away.
Fear is sin.
I mean, there IS that good fear(like being afraid of getting hit by a car so you DON'T just walk out into a busy highway)
you know, that fear is good but when fear is taking over, controlling you, thats when its time to step back and ask for God's help.
I really believe fear is one of the hardest things to overcome. Just like other sins, it gets into your life becomes almost normal and to not have it in your life would be almost weird.
I used to think that my fear was a good thing because it kept me from failing, it kept me from making a decision I might later regret....
but now I think, wow, look at the opportunities I could have had if I would have trusted God. Or look at the times I could have grown and matured through those failures if only I wouldn't have just sat there, living in my fear.
Fear keeps me in my comfort zone.
I used to pray that God would take me out of my comfort zone but then when he gave me opportunities to do that, I would refuse. Dumb huh?
Just recently God has really been working in my life in the area of fear.
I have found myself standing farther and farther out of my comfort zone. I lived for a long time in this atmosphere of people and things I know, staying in the norm and never stepping out.
I find my life going in a direction I never thought it would, not 2 years ago, not even 2 months ago. Even though it is happening now, it's still hard to believe. And I love it. I'm so content and totally ok with it. I believe that is God.
I feel like I am stepping out, being brave, and having faith and it's a feeling that doesn't totally freak me out. I think that if I wouldn't step out and be willing to do WHATEVER God wants, I would never be the most that I can be, I would never live up to my full potential.
I have such a peace that I know is coming from God.
Have faith. Trust God. Do not fear!
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| My life seems to be going in a direction I definitely didn't see coming(at least not at this point in my life).
And it's starting to grow on me!
:)
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| I'm taking away the comment section of this blog because I don't want comments on here for it....
Sometimes I start to think about things and in my head it sounds good so I have to get it out because usually(but not always) it sounds ridiculous when I see it and think of it that way...
I have been thinking that it kinda sounds cool to completely take a year off of school or masters or anything and just get involved in a church and try to really find what God wants for me.
But I know, I can do all that at masters to.
Ive just been thinking about it. thats all.
I'm allowed to think crazy things sometimes. I'm so stinkin confused about my future and what God wants and sometimes I think I might be choosing a certain place because that is what I want, not God. I dont know. Ugh. Im frustrated.
And thats my reasoning behind taking a year off. I dont know what God wants. I dont know if He is trying to tell me and Im ignoring it or what but I really dont know at this point and Im soooo mad at myself for not knowing and honestly, there is nothing to really help me with that in Taylorville so its probably better to go to Dallas...
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| interning...Don't you love those little things that God shows you when you least expect it and you just get so excited.
I LOVE those times. Honestly, God could be showing me the most random thing but when he shows me it, something inside of me gets all fired up. I love those moments. I love the feeling of not even knowing what to say because God(once again) totally amazed me and all I can do is stand in awe of him.
Truthfully, I have had so many of those moments this summer. God just keeps showing me one thing after another. More than I ever thought he would. It's crazy. I knew this internship was going to change me but I thought it was going to be in different ways. I thought I was going to grow up and mature a little and the usual things. But God is blowing all of that out of the water. I feel like almost everyday God is showing me something new. And only a small part of that is in the office. It's also in nature, in relationships, in conversations, even once, it was when I was eating dinner. It's amazing.
Honestly, I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't know where I want to go or what I want to do outside of the fact that I know its going to deal with youth but other than that... I'm blank. And you know, that really isn't freaking me out right now. I don't even fully know if I want to go to Dallas. I think God has called me there but I have so much trust and faith in God right now that I know if it isn't what he really wants then he will show me that.... even if it is 2 weeks before I am supposed to go there. haha
God has taught me so much this summer. I don't even really know how to put it all into words yet. I do know that I was looking at past blogs and thats where this blog came from. A couple months ago God was working on me hard core. He was showing me things and changing my plans and I was freaked out because I didn't know where He was taking me. I'm still not 100% sure of that but I know that God is with me and isn't going to set me up for failure so whatev. Change me God.
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