Adjustments

I don't write in this very often anymore.  I've shied away from blogging in general lately cause i'm always afraid of coming off as whiny.  Oh well, perhaps the readers will indulge me for tonight (as I said a few days ago, readers=Mags and Jessica.  Heh!)

I'm not sure what it is.  It's probably a combination of still grieving for the end of my college years, fear and uncertainty about the future, all of my friends moving farther away from me one by one, the past few days of watching everyone else falling back into their old niche and me being without, and the disappointment of not getting to watch Star Wars today.

Anyway, it's been frustrating cause I'm not sure exactly how to handle all of this.  I find myself getting a bit overwhelmed by all of it.  I've found myself second-guessing nearly every little thing I do or say, worrying if that was a bad decision, or if that comment was too sarcastic and gave the wrong impression.  It makes my head hurt sometimes.  It kinda feels like back to square one.  And i don't think i even articulated it properly in this silly thing.

Ah well.  Life goes on.  I probably just need some direction and stability back and everything will fall into place.

Goals before I go to NYC:

Star Wars marathon

finish role-playing

i think im forgetting some other things but its late.

The Road goes ever on and on,

Down from the door where it began.

How far ahead the road has gone,

And I must follow if I can

Pursuing it with eager feet

Until it joins some larger way

Where many paths and errands meet

and wither then, I cannot say.

I graduated from college yesterday.

POPPY: Catch this one, lad.

DAVEY: I can't, Poppy.  Goin' too fast.

POPPY: Then fly.

FRANKIE: Take us into the clouds.

DAVEY: I can't.

POPPY:  Yes, you can, lad, you can fly!

FRANKIE: The whole world'll look up to see us fly!

I think last night may have been one of the best shows I have ever been involved in.

It was dark by the time my dad, two of my brothers, my sister and I exited the turkish restaurant.  I walked along enjoying the night breeze that was a welcome relief from the heat I had experienced during the day while playing freeze tag with the kids.  The pita and humnus, the chicken beyti, and creme caramel for dessert had left me satisfied for the night and the glass of merlot had calmed my nerves after the ordeal of sixteen kids ages 2-11 in a single room for nearly four hours.  We walked down the street laughing and talking animatedly.  It felt not quite complete as we were missing Mom and Andrew, but I don't think they would begrudge the good night.  When we got into the subway, a short, stout latino man stood in front of a small group strumming his heart away on a guitar.  He was not just a random performer on the street.  He was good.  All five of us gave him a dollar apiece and we had a few minutes before our train so we just enjoyed the sound of his voice.  If he had been selling cds of his music, I would have bought one.  Eric, Magali and Michael stood in a row looking on with interest, while my dad and I, as we often do, uncounsciously mirrored each others movements, leaning against opposite sides of the poll with a smile on our face and a spark of interest in our eyes.  The train pulled in and I was forced to pull away from the music and head for home.

A night in New York City with my family.  It doesn't get much better.