| I was in for quite a shock when I asked Anna about her night. She was out with her friends and called me when she got back around 12. From my point of view, she never called me back after I called her twice when I went to bed. However, she did call me and said that I was mumbling something about being sleepy, and saying "I love you" and "good night" numerous times, and not answering her questions. Right now, I am really freaked out because I have never in my life sleepwalk or anything like that. I would really like to know how I managed to pick up my phone, talk for a minute, and hang up- all while I'm dead asleep.
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| I'm a really flawed person. It seems like every couple of weeks, I make my poor Anna upset because of my selfishness, when I should be doing a better job listening to her and making her happy that we're going to see each other in roughly 26 days. I need to get better at being a boyfriend amongst other things. The days I've boasted about being better than all those other guys that are assholes to their girlfriends are over. I need to get used to the fact that I'm not perfect.
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| Hey all. Life's pretty mundane- just going to class and coming home and waiting for the day to be over. I just want to get back to school and spend time with Anna. I want to hold her, comfort her, and make her smile. Just like old times... but better!
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| This past couple of weeks sucked. Anna's been upset so often, and
it's 90% because of me. It's ironic that in the past I've ranted
about crappy boyfriends with awesome girlfriends, and now I am
one. It seems that every week there's something I'm doing
wrong. It pains me when she's upset at me. When I know it's
my fault, there are times when I just want to bash my head in with a
heavy, blunt object. As I stare blankly at my ceiling, I wonder
how things would be like if I simply forget about her. When I do
so, the pain inside me becomes unbearable, and I cry. It's
amazing how a simple little thought can break a man down. Call me
an idealistic bastard, but she means so much to me. My memories
of her is worth more than that of my own name. Her love for me is
worth more to me than my love for my own life and well-being. All
I want to do is give her my love, make her happy, and to protect her
from the evil in the world because SHE CARES SO DAMN MUCH FOR ME.
I love to hear her laugh. I love to see her smile. I love
to touch her face. I love that little song she sings for me as I
hold her in my arms and fall asleep. I love her so much. I
love her too much for my own good, but I love her because she's too
good for a pathetic, weeping, lost child like me. I will show to
her that I'm the best damn choice she's ever made. I will prove
myself as a man, scholar, and man-bi- I mean boyfriend.
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| Argh... so tired.
It was totally worth the time to be together with Anna on the phone. When we talk to each other in bed, it feels as if nothing else exists in the world and it is just the two of us. *sigh* Such a wonderful feeling...
Now I gotta go trod through the rain to get to class.
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