Guess what? I have a livejournal now, and I like that one better. You know those premium features you get for two weeks on Xanga? Live Journal has the same stuff on their cheap-as-free journals.

If you want to see how I'm doing, go here: http://www.livejournal.com/users/joy_of_soy/

Currently Playing Revolver [UK] By The Beatles Dr. Robert see related

       I guess it all started with Karen. We were on AIM over spring break and for some reason were looking up random ADD tests online. There was this one where you had to read off a list of color words - blue red red blue green...and time how long you take to say them. Then, you have to read off another list of color words aloud, except with a twist: each color word would be colored a different color than the color the word suggests - green red blue. If it took so many seconds longer to read the second list aloud than the first list, then you had ADD. It took me about 30 seconds longer to read off the second list than the first. Karen and I laughed about it; it was just a stupid internet test anyway. And I was never a hyper problem child.

     Later I was looking up ADD for the heck of it... A google search came up with a website on teaching kids with learning disabilities, and I came up with this:

Undifferentiated Attention Deficit Disorder

"In this form of ADD the primary and most significant characteristic is inattentiveness; hyperactivity is not present. Nevertheless, these children still manifest problems with organization and distractibility, and they may be seen as quiet or passive in nature. It is speculated that undifferentiated ADD is currently under diagnosed, since these children tend to be overlooked more easily in the classroom. Thus, children with undifferentiated ADD may be at a higher risk for academic failure than those with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder."

   I read this and everything clicked. I've had these kind of problems forever. My mom would tell me something, like to wake her up at a certian time, or bring something home from school, and I'd completely lose recololection that she had told me anything, and I'd get yelled at for being a ditz. Or I'd get into honors programs but have to drop out because I couldn't turn homework in on time. Or teachers would tell my parents I have a large vocabulary but can't spell worth shit and they'd have no idea why. Or why I almost didn't make it into kindergarden because I had incorrectly interpreted the instructions; like there was one question where there was a box on a page, and you had to draw yourself in the little box - I took it litteraly and drew myself as I was litterally sitting inside a box. So I lost points because I didn't draw my legs and feet or torso, because you don't see those parts of someone's body when they are sitting inside a box. ADD is why to this day, my AP History teacher writes that I have missing assignments on my progress report. Its why for as long as I could remember my parents maintained I was a smart kid, but couldn't understand why I was having problems at school. It never looked like I had ADD, because I have always been a relaxed person, and my friends who had ADHD were all hyper and obnoxious without their ritalen. My Dad had ADD, and according to my research, studies suggest that if a parent has the disorder their kids have a 20-30% extra chance of having it too. It all clicked.

      I have always tried to force myself to study and do my work like everyone else; because my parents always maintained that I was smart and should be able to work like everyone else. But I couldn't. And now I know why; because I'm not everyone else.

     I'm not crying (or wasn't; I've stopped now) because I'm sad. I'm crying because I understand. I'm crying because I know that there really isn't anything 'wrong' with me, which is what I have thought for as long as I can remember. Now I know that the only thing that's wrong with me is that I think differently. And there's nothing wrong with that.

I am in an odd, cuddly mood.

I'm at the SPC media center during 5th period right now. It's just religion, we aren't doing anything in that class anyway.

I had about three hours of sleep last night. I was talking online to a lot of friends with problems, drugs, dating skitsos, dating jerks, etc etc etc... I was also working on a history extra credit project with Rachel, and we were talking online the whole time. Ah, the technilogical advancements of today.

I really don't mind giving advice. I love helping friends. I feel really cuddly right now. Where's Jeff? Or Ted? Or Leia?I'm gonna go hug one of them again... 

Currently Reading Heretic's Heart: A Journey Through Spirit & Revolution By Margot Adler see related

OK, he'res a little something I stole from my friend Pat's blog. Fill it out on comments and post it on your blog. Baa!

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. How long have you known me?
3. When and how did we first meet?
4. What was your first impression?
5. Do you still think that way about me now?
6. What do you think my weakness is?
7. Do you think I'll get married?
8. What makes me happy?
9. What makes me sad?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? Want to tell me now?
14. Do you think I could kill someone?
15. Describe me in one word.
16. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger, weaker, or staying the same?
17. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
18. Are you going to put this on your live journal and see what I say about you?

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