Grudier's Xanga

Friday, January 11, 2008

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 16:55:40 GMT

ha.. who still uses this?
i decided to come to mine today.
ha ha ha ha

xanga.
how fun it once was.
tell everyone.. everything about your life.
nice.

life is great at the moment.. :)
be jealous.
ha

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 02:14:21 GMT

oh man.
all i want to say is i've
been working out a lot lately.
i'm going to look
HHHOOOTTTT :)

yeah i said it.
get over it.
ha.

it's been fun.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 19:04:49 GMT

a lot has been going on.
doing hair again.
yeah , yeah.
i really do love it.

got a new tat. :)

about three months ago i started down
a journey with a very special friend of mine..
it's been wonderful.
i'm extremely found of him...
and this journey will keep going and going.

other things..?
hum.
my youth pastor started a new church.
he got fired from my old church.
stupid stupid situation,
but now we know it was the lord's doing.
so i attend the little red brick church in roscoe.
it's the best church i've ever been too.
for real.
i love it.

dad's body shop is doing great.
busy busy busy.
jesus is wonderful.
man... we're so lucky to have the chance to know him.

just call me.
i miss ya'll.
:)

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Thu, 04 Jan 2007 17:08:09 GMT

i have this friend..
i love her choice of words.

"I have lived this life, 23 years. The Lord let's me see things differently than most ... I am blessed. I am blunt. I am intense. I am hard-core - but I won't windmill kick you in the face. I do own boxing gloves (they're made for a preschooler)...but I probably won't use them any time soon. I love, I live, and I am becoming more like Christ with every day that I'm seeking His face..."

miss tara milburn is her name..
i'm very fond of her.

i miss her muuuuchhho.

just wanted ya'll to know.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Wed, 27 Dec 2006 17:43:50 GMT

christmas is a lovely time of year..
i'm blonde again. :)

heading to kansas city at 6 am tomorrow.
whhhoooorrrraaa.
oh yes.
i'm excited.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 18:21:10 GMT

ihop next week.
kansas city here i come.

going with my ra and like twenty other people from mvnu.
it'll be grand.
four days of speakers.
my life will be transformed.

:)
it's starting already.
i've begun reading the purpose-driven life.
... mel began reading it like... a month ago.
she always asked me questions about it..
it intreged me.
so i picked up a copy from miss tara milburn's house. :)

pray for me.
trying to decide what to do.
teen mania again..
ihop forerunner school of ministry..
stay right where i am.. at mvnu.
or something else?

:) bye ya'll.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Sun, 17 Dec 2006 09:29:09 GMT

sometimes i wonder what we are living for?

why we do the things we do..
good and bad.

why do we mess up?
why do we break the lord's heart?
why do you push him away, and think we can do this on our own?
and thenn..

i hate when i get the overwhelming feeling of..
the feeling that i miss him[jesus] so much.
it breaks my heart that i haven't talked with him.
it breaks my heart that i break his heart.
it breaks my heart when i mess up.
i've never felt this before.

i feel like i'm not good enough.
that i will never be good enough.
but i KNOW i am.
i know he accepts me.
i know he loves me.
i know he's always here ...
he's always right where i left him
and he never fails.

yet why do i always fail him?
dumb. eh?
yepp.. very dumb.
i'm sick of this life i'm living.
i am ready for more.

and i was talking with mr. matthew eller yesterday
and he said something that really stuck..
[you cannot move on to the next season of your life until you've finished this season]
and then he said so much more..
it really helped.
thank you sir. :)

but i don't even know where to go from here.
i don't know how to step out and just go and do it??
like, it's right in front of me.
or is it?
i can't seem to find it.
paaaahh.
life.
it isn't about us.
when we make it about us, it doesn't work out.
we lose.
but with the lord.. we win.
we win everything.
we gain all that matters.
we have a place in his kingdom.
a place that is so amazing.
we get to sit with him.

everyday we can sit with him.
oh man.
we are so lucky.
so lucky yeet we don't sssseeee it.
everyday and every moment can be spent with him..
so why don't we take that..
why don't we take it all in?
why are we so... selfish?
why do we want our own ways?
ugh.
i hate myself for that.
i hate being so selfish..
i just want to have the lord.
i just want to do his will.
i want to be the person he intended me to be.
i want to show the world this man that i am so in love with.
i want to show them his love.
i want to be a living witness.

i don't want to be a hypocrite.
i don't want to be fake.
i don't want to preach what i am not living.
i want every aspect of my life to be filllllled with the lord.
and every thing i do to be his will.

but why do i not try?
blah.

this is way long.
i'm sorry.
for those who love me and want to know what's going on..
there is a piece of it.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 05:04:39 GMT

humm.. so much going on.

finals this week.
they aren't too bad.
my music one on thursday is the one i'm most worried about.
it's hard core. :( blllllahh.

school isn't tooo bad.
it's actually been easy.
but i haven't really put much into it.
at this point in life i don't care about toooo much.

dumb, eh?
yeah.
trying to figure things out.

my life is a mess.
a perfect disaster right now.
... perfect? naahh.. i can't put words to it.
i'm so uncertain.

as i sit unassembled...
come rescue this soul.

i'm falling in a whirl wind of chaos.
and i can't find a way out.
life keeps coming...
day in and day out......
without meaning, feeling, thought.. emotion.
i feel like a pebble.
here.. but barely noticed.
sometimes a bother.
sometimes beautiful.
sometimes spread to fix a problem.
.... so many things a pebble can be.
i go up and down.
thrown from side to side...

trying to find a place.
.... searching for more.
trying to grasp what is real.
but i always fall short.
i depend on my strength alone.
i depend on me.
i give up on the lord...

bad idea, eh?
yeah. you guessed it.

i'm done rambling.
pssh.
pray for me?
thank you.

bye my loves.

oh and i failed to mention..
i went to these concerts in the past week.
i like them all. ;)

brandtson

twelve gauge valentine

inhale exhale

maylene and the sons of disaster...
realllly like them.
[in concert, of course]

and my loves,
loooooveedrug.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 03:49:43 GMT

i hate it when i see picture's
from the honor academy. :(

it makes me sad.
it makes my stomach ache.
it makes tears well up in my eyes.

i can hardly breathe.
i miss all of you sooo much.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 04:49:31 GMT

oh man.
i'm going to update.

a lot has been going on lately.
struggling.

future..
don't worry about it.
colie gave me good advice for that.

i was thinking about pursuing my
career towards being a lawyer...
like i've always wanted, since i was little.
but i just got to thinking, just nooow
i don't have peace about it.
pahhh.

i've stated over and over and overrrrrr
ministry.
speaking.
that's it.
that's where the Lord wants me.
that's it.
full time.
can't want earthly things...

blah.
this is a hard time.
i know what i'm suppose to do.
or do i?

yeah..
as you can see it's not going well.

other thoughts.
oh tooo many.
i'm having troubles staying..
where i should.
my relationship with the Lord needs to grow,
not fall apart.
pahhh.
pray for me?
thanks.

temptation can just gooooo away.
but it never will.
so i must build myself up.
prepare myself.
dig deep and cleanse.

yep.
i'm going to do this.

even when you run
the Lord's right where you left Him.
with arms wide open
He's there to let you in
to keep you safe and warm
in your greatest times of need

refreshing thought.
i love when He blesses me with sonnnng.
add a little tune to that.